Scared to have sex

[Lilybeto]

I have been in a relationship with my DP for 2 and a half years and we have had sex but I didn't enjoy it. Although I didn't tell him that. I don't view sex as pleasurable and find it rather horrible. Apart from this our relationship is fine. My DP is fine about it but I really think it is starting to effect us. The disliking of sex stems from sexual abuse as a child.
I feel so mean to my DP as we don't have sex at all, and I'd rather do anything then something sexual. I really don't know what to do?

[Jazzicatz]

Have you been in other sexual relationships before meeting your dp?

[Lilybeto]

No, not apart from sexual abuse.

[needmorecoffee]

counselling? although there is a loooooooooong wait for sexual health counselling.

[Jazzicatz]

Have you received councelling for the abuse?

[Jazzicatz]

I was sexually abused as a child, and whilst its not an easy thing to get over I would say that I have overcome the worst of it. There is always hope.

[Lilybeto]

not really. Attempted to once but the counselor said (after I'd only had one session) that I shouldn't come back as she thought I was fine. That made me think that maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. She didn't even ask me about sexual abuse (although she would have had details in her notes). She just asked me about everyday things.

[Jazzicatz]

Maybe its worth trying to contact a new counsellor - just because you have had one negative experience it sounds like it could be helpful. Do you talk about the abuse to anyone?

[Lilybeto]

Yes, I told my partner. He was the first person I had ever told. And then that's when the problems started. It became so real once I had told someone and then it really affected me. The counselor was an NHS one. I don't know hoe to get another one or if I want another one.

[branflake81]

I got to see a psychosexual therapist on the NHS as a hospital outpatient. I was referred from my GP and the waiting list was only 4 months or so.

[branflake81]

Sorry, just seen you did get a counsellor. Mine was very good. Why not see if you can get someone else?

[Lilybeto]

I think I will. Another question I have is, do you think relationships can work without sex?

[needmorecoffee]

I think it can but only if both people are happy. I am seeing a counsellor (but keep cancelling as dd has seizures/ops etc) and I can see how she'd help. If I ever get there!
DH isn't very happy to be honest while I don't care if I never do it again. The counsellor is a compromise

[Lilybeto]

Sounds just like my relationship