What a LAZY Pig!!! i just want to change the locks! PLEASE someone tell me i am not overreacting...

[KarisTiasMum]

DH's son is the most idle, lazy, sloppy beast i have ever met... and he lives in our house!

examples...

I cleaned his room on sunday (spotless)... now there are macdonalds wrappers, filthy work clothes, every drawer is open, sheets completely off the bed, copper wire (???) completely covering the floor, dirthy mugs and plates everywhere... i could go on. and it SMELLS!

put the cat littler tray in the garden if the cat poos instead of cleaning it out.

stuffs snotty tissues down my sofa, leaves them everywhere.

makes toast on the worktop (no plate) then just goes to work and leaves it for me to clean.

eats then just dumps the plates in the sink or the floor or gets my dd (3) to bring them to me!

spills something and just leaves it...

sits on facebook for every free minute he has, slurrping pints of milk and stuffing his face.

and does not contribute at all to the house financially, and we constantly have to bail him out with money.

oh... and he is 21!!

everyone babies this moron and over praises him when he does bother to do something and it is driving me bloody mental!

i apologise for appearing to be completely rude about SS but i am fuming!

[wastingmyeducation]

Sounds like a 21 year-old boy to me.
Also are you sure those tissues are snotty?

xx

[chequersandroastedchestnuts]

Yuck.

21 is way old enough to have moved out. Does he work?

[KarisTiasMum]

yes but dont 21 year olds contribute? and take responsibility?

i should reveal at this point that i am only 3 months older than him.. (big age gap between me and dh) which is why i have little tolerance 'because he is 21'... he is just a lazy s**t!! and i am the opposite so its really not working out!

definitly snotty... i have the pick them up with my marigolds on!

[cheerfulvicky]

The tissues, the leaving mess everywhere... that sounds like my DP! Luckily, I love him.
Harder when you don't even like the person doing it. My sympathies.

[AMumInScotland]

If he has an income he should be contributing financially.
If he lives in the house he should contribute practically - by cleaning up after himself at the least.

The fact that he's your SS probably makes it a bit trickier for you to lay down the law, but you at least need to make it clear to your H that the law must be laid down by one of you, and if he won't do it then you will!

Personally, I would overlook the state of his own room, just close the door on it and possibly put a large air-freshener just outside to deal with the whiff. But he shouldn't be leaving mess over the rest of the house for you to sort - and he should be doing a share of the general chores.

[wastingmyeducation]

Yeah, it's H you need to speak to. He should definitely be paying board, and tell him, you'll be depositing anything he leaves lying around in his room. And stay out of his room (apart from depositing mess)!

xx

[KarisTiasMum]

I do try to overlook his room, as i know that is meant to be his personal space etc but it really is GRIM! and i am quite house proud, and find it so annoying when i have done all the housework but there is still a festering pit at the top of my stairs!! so i always end up steaming in with my gas mask, disinfectant and febreeze and just sorting it out... only for it to be back in a gross state 24 hours later!! i know i am a mug for doing it, but surely if he doesnt contribute financially or practically, he really does not get the same rights as me and dh.. he is an adult!

[Jazzicatz]

Why are you cleaning his room - he is an adult if he wants to live like a slob let him. Don't clean up after him as it sends the message that you will be there to sort it out without him having to lift a finger!

[rubyslippersisappearinginpanto]

bleurgh - i wouldn't be cleaning his room

leave the febreeze etc in his room, a bin bag and a pair of rubber gloves and tell him to do it

must be annoying - perhaps something for your DH to tackle?

[LilRedWG]

Don't clean his room - jsut make sure the door is shut at all times so thatyou don't have to see it.

Get DH to discuss everything else with him and lay down some rules (make sure you tell DH what the rules are to be).

[unavailable]

I think it is a mistake to clean his room. That is his space and he can live in his own mess if he chooses. (Also, you are treating him like a child by doing this while complaining he behaves like a child!)

The rest of the house is a different matter, and he should at least clean up after himself where it impacts on the rest of the family. Also, why is he not paying rent/board?

His dad really needs to lay down the ground rules - does he agree with you or do you need to have that battle first?

[KarisTiasMum]

i have just text DH, he suggests changing the laptop password and not telling ss until he clocks on and sorts it out! (the laptop is like another limp to him) i didnt want to say anything to H because i feel like a moaning old crab but SS really does have the easiest life ever, and makes mine harder and i really dont think it fair!

[KarisTiasMum]

as for paying rent, he is on an extremely low wage as an apprentice so i dont expect a lot from him but i do think he should pay a percentage, even if it just workes out to be £10 per week.. it might start teaching him some valuable lessons and that he needs to pay his way. He doesnt realise quite how expensive it is to run a home and i think that unless we get him to pay rent, he will never learn!
he gets paid friday, spends it by sunday.. then we have to subsidise him for the rest of the week.. 'he cant get to work without petrol'... WTF!?

i have mentioned this before now, but DH and his mum seem to thin he is about 12 and it drives me CRAZY!!!!

actually, i have met more responsible 12 year olds..

[LadyBuntingofCupcake]

Your DH needs to take this in hand, he is perfectly capable of standing up to his son and laying down a few rules. This is not fair on you.

[KarisTiasMum]

If I had a lazy DH i could handle that, because i love him etc and it would probably be easier! but i am finding it increasingly difficult to even LIKE ss right now. and i feel realy guilty for it... but what is to like!!?

[lowenergylightbulb]

Can I ask one question. The house you live in, did you and your DH buy it together and then have your SS move in..or is it your DH's house and you moved in post - step son?

If it's the latter scenario then it could be more difficult for you to resolve because your SS might feel more of an entitlement to behave how he want to in his home IYSWIM.

I don't think that you should be tidying his room TBH, and I think that the laptop thing is a good idea...

I pity any girlfriend of his though!! Hopefully you'll have him knocked into shape before he inflicts his slobby ways on some poor young woman!!

[AMumInScotland]

If you treat them like 12 year olds, they behave like 12 year olds. Your DH has to understand that he's not doing him any favours in the long term by allowing him to act this way now. I would start making him payi rent - even if it's nominal, and doesn't go any way to covering the real costs, it establishes the concept that living costs money and he has to pay for the necessitites first.

If you can face it, have a conversation with him about how much money he needs to get through the necessities for the week - eg petrol, lunchmoney - and get him to put that aside on payday. He can't treat his wages as "pocket money" and expect you and DH to sub him if he's drunk it all.

[Idrankthechristmasspirits]

Stop cleaning his room! Let him wallow in his own filth, he'll either learn that girls don't like smelly pits or he'll move out and stay single forever.

Re the petrol money, give him a date and state that from that day he is responsible for paying all of his petrol and you will no longer sunsidise him, then stick to it. Even if he can't get to work. He'll soon learn.

[BitOfFunUnderTheMistletoe]

I don't see how you can be happy living together- you obviously can't stand the guy, and it can't be easy for him having his dad bonking a girl his own age in the next room, who then moans and nags him about his bedroom like an irritating big sister.

I would be getting DH to help him move out, even to stay with friends, or moving out myself. Not a healthy set of living arrangements in my opinion.

[KarisTiasMum]

we have all just moved into this house together, following leaving MY last home which dh and ss moved into so it isnt that he is being teritorial..

i actually think a girlfriend is what he needs, then he might have someone to impess and take a little more pride in himself and his room. But i dont want to encourage it too much in case he finds a female version of himself. I dont know if i could handle trying to drag TWO lazt monsters out of bed at 5pm! i dont know how he sleeps so much, then gets up without showering!! just straight to the laptop! euurgh! it annoys me just thinking about it!

[lou33]

can you not just shut the door on it? it isnt your problem, and why would you feel you have to tell him what time to get up or if he should shower?

[KarisTiasMum]

i know it sounds a bit unconventional, but mine and dh's age gap is really not relevent.. its something that no body ever notices with us and to be honest it suits us both perfectly.
it merely just points out to me that ss cannot act like a child, because he is not one he is 21 the same age as me, and i am supporting him.

I think you are definitely right though, dh needs to sort this as i am just not taken seriously. I just want him out but we all know he would not last five minute on his own and it would end up falling on our shoulders to bail him out of whatever trouble he will get himself into!

I think he is clever than he makes out, he is the kind of guy who does the washing up badly so no one asks him to do it again!

[lou33]

You dont sound very keen on him, is it only his laziness that you have a problem with?

[KarisTiasMum]

I think it is my business to tell him when to get up and to have a shower, because i have to live with him and so does my dd.

Why should i put up with someone in my house, not contributing then sleeping in until the afternoon waking up helping himself to whatever he wants, leaving a trail of crap behind him then going and sitting on my laptop which dh and i pay for for the reast of the night while everyone else picks up after him.

He actually has tantrums when something is said to him, and was stomping about so much the other day when he was asked to do HIS washing up that he broke a plate in the sink.

[lou33]

i ca see how it would be annoying, and yes he should pull his weight, but he wont if you do it for him

from the other pov, he may feel like doing less because he feels you are telling him what to do all the time? i think it is something your h should be confronting him about

do you think ss has any issues about your age? i mean in that he could feel resentful someone the same age as him is acting like a second mum?