If your dh was reluctant to have more dc, how would you persuade them?

[bouncingblueberries]

I love my dh dearly. We have a beautiful ds, who is 2.8. We live in a lovely 2 bed flat with our own garden. We have 16 years left on our mortgage, which is pretty good considering we're only 32.

The trouble is, dh can't see how we can possibly afford another dc (I'm not pregnant, but want to start trying in the next year or so). The flat would be too small for 4 and we'd need a house eventually (but I'd quite happily put them in bunk beds for as long as possible).

I don't see anything wrong with adding a couple of years onto our mortgage to make buying a house more affordable. I'm not talking about doing it now, but in a couple of years when the housing market has settled down a bit.

Am I being naive and stupid or is dh being melodramatic? How can I persuade him that having another dc would not leave us financially ruined? Or do I just have to sit tight and trust that it will all work out in the end?

[Anna8888]

DH is being a bit melodramatic, I think. You sound very sensible and as if you have your finances under control.

Do you work?

[claw3]

Did you discuss having children before you got married?

[bouncingblueberries]

Yes, I work. I'm freelance though, so although I've only ever been without a booking for 2 weeks over the past 2 years, dh still sees is as risky and not reliable income.

Hilarious thing is, because I'm freelance I earn double what he does if I work full time.

Just hate the thought of giving up all hope of having more dc.

[bouncingblueberries]

claw3 - of course we did. He wanted lots! Always has. He was an only child and although he had a lovely childhood he always wanted brothers and sisters.

He seems to have forgotten that now though. He's just so extremely cautious about money - excessively so sometimes I think.

[Anna8888]

Your DH sounds overly cautious very prudent.

I think you need to sit down on your own, look at your joint finances and write up a little presentation on just how you can afford another DC and maintain your lifestyle in future

Make sure you highlight all the synergies of two DC - sharing a room is one, passing on clothes, sharing toys but also the permanent playmate (only DCs end up costing a lot of money when you have to take another child on holiday etc for your only to have some company). Good luck

[bouncingblueberries]

Thanks Anna888. I think you're right. Cold hard facts and figures are needed here, not emotional blackmail

I guess in future I should not talk about how much bigger our mortgage could be when the country is in a recession. Bad timing.

[claw3]

BB - Remind him of that and explain to him how much it means to you.

[bouncingblueberries]

Thanks Claw3. Tried that approach but I always end up in tears. Bit of a drama queen at times I'm afraid.

[claw3]

BB - Some cold hard facts and figures, with a little sprinkle of emotional blackmail and a reminder of how much fun you will have trying, he wont be able to resist!

Good luck

[Anna8888]

I agree - talking about how you agreed on multiple DC before marriage is a non-starter. Marriage is an evolving contract - no-one in their right mind can think that you can agree once and for all on the main directions of your joint life before walking up the aisle . People and circumstances change over time.

Your DH sounds as if he is very money conscious. Actually, you are quite lucky here - in your position, I would lay it on thick about how you really appreciate that side to him and talk facts and figures to reassure him that you know what you are getting into.

[bouncingblueberries]

Thanks girls. You've given me glimmer of hope I needed this morning

Need to start a spreadsheet me thinks!

[Anna8888]

Good luck

[Majeika]

And dont forget that there is never a perfect time to have a child.

I asked DH when I wanted to try for ds2 how he would have felt if he hadnt had a brother when he was growing up and that made him decide to go for another - bit tricky if DH was an only one but did he ever feel lonely as a child? did he ever long for a sibling?

The longer you leave it the bigger the gap gets between the children so you need to start soon!