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[poppyflower1]

I need some advice, i dont often post but i could do with some advice.

I have been with my DH for about 15 years, marriesd for 13 of this, our relationship has always been fairly fraught, mainly with arguments. he has never been physically aggressive. However he has problems with anger, he can be verbally abusive and sometimes threatens physical violence. When he is angry he seems unable to help himself and shouts at me infrownt of our 13 yrs old son. pretends later nothing happened without apology.

I have explianed to him this is not healthy, but he seems not to be able to control himself.

Another issue, is he comes to bed very late, sometimes as late as 3 am, i work fulltime and wakes up when he comes in, i have said to him several time this affects my sleep as i find it difficult to sleep afterwards- he keeps doing it. I suspects he watches porn at nite. I have cuaght subscribing to sites. Last saturday after coming to bed at 4 am , i told him he has broken my sleep again. He started to say it was none of my business what time he comes to be and actual told me to F**k off. I was actually disappointed at him,

Arguments are constant and my son have actualy said , i know you and Dad will split up.

I am actually thinking of seperation - unreasonable?

will be back , have to do school run, day off today.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

What would you say to someone else who was writing this message?.

Separation is not at all unreasonable in these circumstances but you need a proper plan in place. Womens Aid are good, I suggest you contact them asap. You also need good legal advice from a Solicitor; you and your son for instance should not have to be the ones to leave the marital home.

This man is not going to change. You've enabled and facilitated all this by being there and putting up with his unreasonable behaviours over the years. Perhaps you always thought that he might change. Which leads me to the question - what have you ever got out of this relationship?.

I feel for your son in particular - many damaging lessons have been imparted here about relationships by both of you over the years. Think your son is very perceptive, he must wonder why the two of you are actually still together. Where do you think we learn about relationships from, that's right our parents. What has he been taught?. I sincerely hope he comes through all this emotionally unscathed.

[poppyflower1]

Thanx Attila,

I think i do know the answers myself, you are right, these ouburst that my son observes do not happen daily, but it does happen.

It is such a shame, i think the reason i keep going is thinking it will get better, his behaviour, or not wanting to feel a failure, broken marriage, but then its already broken but in name.

[WotsThatSkippy]

He sounds horrendous. And a terrible role model for your son.

[pamelat]

not unreasonable.

[poppyflower1]

totally, i was so shocked when he started swearing at me, he will not even make an effort to meet half way, he is currently being 'normal' chating about work as if the row never happens... till the next time

How do i break from this cycle?