Should I tell him I still love him.

[jherniuhnewoirhn]

Accidently posted this in chat but i think it would be better placed here. I could really do with come advice on this. Im totally lost. I know if I say anything that its going to cause a few issues a) between me and my ex b) between my ex and his girlfriend and c) between my ex's gf and me.
I just feel like im carrying this huge weight around on my shoulders. In a way i dont think he could have loved me. He moved on so quickly after we had split up, well either that or he was seeing her before I left him.

I really do not know what to do. I hate feeling like this.

[Buda]

What are you hoping to achieve?

He sounds like he has moved on unfortunately. What good will telling him you still love him do?

[BennyAndJoon]

From your other thread

By jherniuhnewoirhn on Sun 30-Nov-08 14:27:19
I split with my ex a while back. We dont really speak much apart from arranging for him to see the kids. I still love him, he however moved on very quickly after we split. I have so many questions that I want answers to. In a way I think it would help me to be able to move on. I want to know why he treated me the way he did, how he can be so nice to his new partner, if he ever loved me, if he still does.

I really miss him. I dont know if there is a future for us. I feel for our children as they have to spend their time split between us. Im not really sure how to deal with the situation.



I am not sure

What would you hope to achieve. Do you want him to come back to you. Why did you split?

[jherniuhnewoirhn]

I left him because he wasnt very nice to me. I was expected to do everything. Look after the kids, cook, clean, wash, study. Half the time he didnt work so made no financial contribtion. He lied, stole money from me, tried to stop me seeing friends and family, was quite mean to me, very rough although he never actually hit me but always left me covered in bruises. He also had issues with gambling and drinking. All I ever did was love him but I spose that wasnt enough. He seems totally different with his new gf. it seems unfair. I love him. I gave him everything I possibly could. Im just so confused right now.

I dont really know what it would achieve telling him. just a load of problems I suppose. Im just so tired of coping alone with our children and still being in love with him. Its tough. Especially as recently there has been a few sparks between us but nothing has ever come of it because there has always been someone around. I dont want anyone to get hurt in this..... but at the moment Im the one who is hurting and im tired of it.

[Buda]

'I left him because he wasnt very nice to me. I was expected to do everything. Look after the kids, cook, clean, wash, study. Half the time he didnt work so made no financial contribtion. He lied, stole money from me, tried to stop me seeing friends and family, was quite mean to me, very rough although he never actually hit me but always left me covered in bruises. He also had issues with gambling and drinking.'

And you love him why exactly?????

He will eventually treat his new GF the same. Trust me on that one.

You are much better off out of it and YOU DESERVE BETTER!

[LulumamaLovesLatkes]

he is probably the same with his new girlfriend

although actually, he is probably being nice as pie, and waiting to unleash the nasty side of himslef when she is in too deep.

you sound like you will be far better off without a nasty drunk bully, who will not support his own family.

if he loved you , he would not have treated you that way and there is nothing to blame on yourself

he has moved on and sadly, she will most liekly end up suffering the same as you

best thing to do is to try to move forward yourself, with the help of friends and family and hpoefully in time, find a partner who will treat you with kindess , real love and respect and not abuse oyu

[jherniuhnewoirhn]

He treated me like crap but I still love him. I know this is going to sound terrible but right now I would settle for being the other woman. I know people are going to think badly of me but its so hard when your still in love with someone to see them with someone else. Im sure he still has feelings for me, how strong they are is another thing. What I miss most is the intimacy. The cuddles, waking up next to him, his cheeky smile.

[BennyAndJoon]

How do you know that he is nicer to his current GF. I bet you didn't let on to anyone what a controlling twat he was (and that is what it sounds like he was to me). It really sounds like he damaged your self esteme. If he left you covered in bruises then you are better off without him.

You did a very brave thing in leaving him, many people don't find the strength.

You have my admiration.

Please don't get sucked back into a relationship with him.

[LulumamaLovesLatkes]

you are deluding yourself , i'm afraid

a cheeky smile does not make up for all the shit you have talked about

[jherniuhnewoirhn]

How do I move on? Im still very much in love with him. I dont think it is wise to get into another relationship right now when my feelings for him are still so strong. I just dont know how to move away from him. I honestly thought things would get better, he would change and we would spend the rest of our lives together.

What do I do to get over him?

[jherniuhnewoirhn]

It makes it worse tht I have to see him every weekend to hand the children over. Its like my feeling are being rubbed in my face.

[Buda]

What exactly do you 'love'?

It sounds like you are just lonely and fed up and jealous that he is with someone else. That is all normal and will pass.

[BennyAndJoon]

You can start by spending time with the people that he tried to cut you off from - friends you have not had as much contact with because of tosswipe him.

I found that really helpful when first H left. I rediscovered friendships and had FUN for the first time in ages.

[BennyAndJoon]

and you are right not to rush into another relationship. You need to get comfortable in your own skin and not NEED someone else.

I ended up finding my current toyboy DH, who loves me and treats me with respect. He makes me happy in a way that I never imagined at the time exh left.

You will find someone worthy of you, rather than a drain on you who happens to have a nice smile.