Possible Alcoholic Boyfriend....

[LissyD]

I'm really not sure what to do. Four separate people have told me they are concerned for me and my daughter and that they thing my boyfriend is a depressive alcohlic. Two of our three housemates have said they are seroiusly considering if they can stand living with him any longer.

I've told him he needs to cut down on his drinking, and he's doing really well, but people are still telling me these things.

When he has a drink or two, he becomes really negative and, well it's hard to describe, but his speech becomes violent. Not towards anyone in particular, just things like saying certain celebrities should die in a horrible way or something. He also makes really inappropiate jokes about friends who are not present.

I think he's depressed, but he won't seek any help so I don't know what to do. I love him more then anything (apart from my baby of course) and I want to stay with him, I don't know what I'd do without him, I'm on loads of mental health drugs etc myself, and he has looked after me, but how can I pay him back for that if he won't even admit there's a problem?

[unavailable]

Your description of him sounds at odds with other peoples reaction to him. If 4 people have independently told you they are worried for your safety, I would have great concern. People are generally reluctant to interfere in others relationships like this unless they are v worried. What did they say to you?

How is his behaviour in the house?
How much is he drinking?

[jesuswhatnext]

sorry my love but your baby has to be your main concern - he may well have to leave, admit he has a problem etc before anything else can be done for him.

you have to consider your own health in all this as well, your baby needs you, am afraid that with parenting comes sacrifice, if that means you ask boyfriend to leave then so be it - if he really wants to be with you and your baby then he has to help himself, you can't do it for him.

i wish you very good luck, you sound a kind person who deserves a happy family life.

[beaniescreamyb]

why are they worried for you? What you describe sounds very similar to my EX. He was always very loud and told inappropriate jokes or was vitriolic about certain things when he was drunk. However I was never scared of him he just used to irritate me and bore me to death.

Just because drink makes him depressed and loud and stupid doesn't mean he is a danger to you physically - unless there is other stuff you have not said? If you love him and you are not scared of him tehn perhaps you can talk to him about his drinking. It's not your job to lecture him though, and doing this could make him start hiding his drinking. It may be worth you getting intouch with Al-anon as they provide support for partners of alcoholics.

[Janos]

Why do you think other people have raised concerns about him? Is there anything in his behaviour (when drunk) that worries you?

[LittleBellaLugosi]

It sounds to me like you have enough on your plate to be involving yourself with someone who has an alcohol problem. You sound as if you don't believe you can live without him (you can) and as if you owe him because he looked after you. You don't owe him more than you yourself or your baby. If you wamt to be with him, be with him because he makes your life better, not because you wouldn't know what to do without him or because you feel you owe him.