right, here goes. am regular poster but have namechanged for this (hopefully). and its long, sorry.
dh and i married for two years, have had some real humdinger rows but am worried there is now dh violence brewing
since i went on maternity leave a year ago we have had some issues regarding him as sole breadwinner, some of which has been my difficulty adjusting to not having my own income and being reliant on dh who lets say is rather LAVISH with his cash where i am more "save for a rainy day"
he spends and spend and spends on me on dc and dsc, and an awful lot on toys and gew gaws for himself (which has been fine in the past as he has always had a big salary to fall back on, however this won't be the case come jan 09 however as he has jacked in his job and started up his own business).
me and dc don't really need anything and I tell him this all the time, but still he spends. however when we argue he always brings up how much he gives to me and dc and how I am so ungrateful and everyone thinks I am so lucky to have him. its got to the point where I am reluctant to receive anything from him as i know it will be thrown in my face a week or so down the line.
anyway, this evening it transpires that he has lent 64k to an ex colleague. an ex colleague who he has been close to in the past but has now fallen out with. and who has only paid him back half the money.
i was angry with him, not mad crazy shouty angry as I was so enraged that I couldnt bring myself to raise my voice. more of a slow simmering rage. dh, obviously on the defensive, retaliated with how ungrateful I was and he makes sure me and dc want for nothing. he walked out to have a fag and I went to check dc were still asleep.
I was upstairs leaning over dc's cot when I heard the door slam hard right underneath dc's room. I heard him muttering to himself and racing round the house trying to find me before i heard him on the stairs. he saw i was in with dc and waited for me outside. when I got outside he put his face really close to mine and started snarling about how I was so ungrateful, I just looked at the floor hoping he wouldnt wake dc. and then he pushed me hard with his forefingers backwards by the shoulders. I tried to walk past him and he did it again, and followed me into the bedroom snarling about how i should look around as I have so much and I should be grateful.
I was terrified he might have really gone loopy this time and it has reminded me of an argument when I was heavily pregnant and he raised his fist to me right in my face. he didnt hit me then but I have a feeling he just about stopped himself before walking away. i had sort of buried it in my brain till now I think. I was so vulnerable at the time think I locked it away and tried to forget.
basically I fear that next time he might actually hit me. and i fear that i might let him iyswim
this is also not the first time he has withheld the truth from me regarding money, and I fear that if he is not careful we will end up with nothing - his previous marriage disintegrated due to a business venture he started and lost everything on. he couldnt afford to feed exw and dss, didnt pay rent etc. she moved to her mums with dss and never came back
what should i do? if I leave him me and dc will be destitute, but we may be destitute staying anyway?
and I don't want to end up being hit. he has worn me down verbally arguing, I don't want it to be physical too
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
scared of dh and not for the first time
pinup · 12/10/2008 23:13
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