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Relationships

Checking DP's internet usage ? To confront him or not?

80 replies

MrsParker · 09/10/2008 10:25

Hi,read a post on here where someone advised you can check temporary internet files to see whats been looked at.
So started snooping on what Dp has been looking at.
Seem to have become obsessed. Last week found he'd looked at porn. This week he's been on facebook. But he deletes the history, only know this because i look at temporary internet files. Found he's been chatting on meebo? Looking at a variety of people on facebook.
Mentioned facebook to him and he said he doesn't bother with it, the temporary internet files prove otherwise. He gets up early for work and goes on it for 40 minutes or so.

If he has nothing to hide, why does he delete the history? But i can't confront him without revealing that i've been snooping. I have real trust issues from my past and this is making me sooo miserable. Anyone?

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Fatbob · 09/10/2008 10:29

do you think he's just looking at porn, or chatting to babes online?

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CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 10:34

Well I would say if he is telling lies about it and deleting the history and getting up early and sneakily spending 40 mins on the computer that you should confront him. These are the actions of a guilty man (or possibly of an innocent man who knows that his wife has trust issues and doesn't want to worry her but is too technologically inept to delete his temp files)

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VineGARISHtits · 09/10/2008 10:35

Maybe he deletes it because he knows you dont trust him? doesnt sound like he is doing anything untoward, stop snooping and you wont be miserable anymore

If he has something to hide it will come out eventually, you are just driving yourself mad by snooping behind his back

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Fatbob · 09/10/2008 10:38

also i doubt he would be chatting to women online early in the am, maybe just having a look at porn?

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CountessDracula · 09/10/2008 10:41

men are weird
i can't imagine getting up early to look at men's cocks

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Fatbob · 09/10/2008 10:42

yeah, has to be gone 11 before i can see another mans cock.

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QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 09/10/2008 10:53

Tbh, it doesnt really sound as he is doing anything ontoward. I am on facebook, I look at my friends, their pictures, their little updates, it cheers me up. I even check out the odd porn website but it doesnt make me a weirdo, neither a cyberstalker, and I dont do affairs. I think your only concern should be your own obsession with snooping.

But, what led you to snoop in the first place? What raised your supsicion. If it was just curiousity, with no alarmbells ringing, I would say, leave the pour guy alone.

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ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/10/2008 10:58

what has he done wrong exactly? looked at facebook and some porn? i wouldn't tell my dh if i looked at porn online. unless he's doing something that constitutes a betrayal of trust - let it go?

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PortofinoPumpkin · 09/10/2008 11:07

Fatbob - like to nominate this for quote of the week

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MrsParker · 09/10/2008 12:23

Why did i start snooping? well i went to type something to search in google last week and it came up titty palace. Then i saw the address bar had been deleted. So i looked at temporary internet files.
Now i'm more obsessed with what he does on facebook. When you look at his profile it shows hardly anything. The tempoary internet files are difficult to understand, shows him editing his privacy, deleting people, going on meebo ( which i've found is a online chat thing), its just he says he doesn't bother with facebook, and he does! why does he delete what he does if he has nothing to hide from me.
I once saw he looked up a girl, he showed as a friend on her friends, but not on his? Convinced he is up to know good. But if i talk to him about it, he will know to delete temporary files as well as history.
To be honest its making me very hateful towards him to know, he looks at stuff then hides it from me. Not really porn that bothers me

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TwoPumpkins · 09/10/2008 12:26

He may not want to admit to facebook because its a bit girlie/sad/he's checking up on ex girlfriends to make sure they look old now?

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MrsParker · 09/10/2008 12:27

Just feel if it was totally innocent he wouldn't hide it. He sent someone a kiss on facebook, and it wasn't me!

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Mimsy2000 · 09/10/2008 12:32

tbh i think you are being a bit silly. i've been jealous before and i get it but really facebook and a bit of porn? that's life. he's prob deleting b/c he's a bit embarassed or b/c he knows you have trust issues. unless there is something else going on that you haven't mentioned this does not sound like a big deal at all. let him have his privacy. go try some facebook and porn yourself

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branflake81 · 09/10/2008 12:33

he's probably just looking at porn. Big deal. My DP does this and deletes the history. He doesn't know I know and I have never confronted him because why would I? He is entitled to his privacy as I am entitled to mine. While the thought of him looking at it doesn't exactly thrill me it's harmless.

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nonothisisnotme · 09/10/2008 12:35

You want to know for sure?

your solution

This software will let you monitor everything he does, and play it back to you as screenshots or through captured keystrokes. I have used it before in the past.

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branflake81 · 09/10/2008 12:36

plus my DP has all his ex girlfriends as his friends on facebook and I see that as none of my business as well. You have to have trust in your relationship.

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Overmydeadbody · 09/10/2008 12:36

MrsPArker it is very probable that the reason he is deleting his history is because he knows how you will react, and is assuming that you will not approve/question his every move on FB etc etc and he simply doesn't want the hassle.

A person should be free to go on facebook without their partner assuming they are up to no good right?

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Overmydeadbody · 09/10/2008 12:37

as branflake said, he is entitled to his privacy. You need to not treat him like a noughty little boy and give a little respect.

I would be fuming if a partner secretly checked up on my internet usage.

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QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 09/10/2008 12:43

Oh boy. Thats gonna put you into snooping overdrive....

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MrsParker · 09/10/2008 12:50

He knows i have trust issues, and if he didn't delete the history i would be questioning him about it. According to the temporary internet files he has checked up on me too, looking at mumsnet to see if i've posted.
I'm really not bothered about porn, I am bothered about what he's up to on facebook. I think its the route of all evil! lol.
I go on facebook, I have ex-boyf's on their, but he hides what he does.
I know i shouldn't check up on him, but i don't think i could stop even though its making me sad. Makes me feel our relationship is worthless. We are going to relate at mo.

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MegBusset · 09/10/2008 12:53

I think your trust issues are the problem here. He does not have to justify every single thing he does online. Why shouldn't he use Facebook and Meebo millions of people do! Why shouldn't he clear his history he is entitled to a little privacy.

As for 'titty palace' coming up on Google, that is probably due to their predictive search tool which has nothing to do with what has previously been typed in.

What makes you think he'll cheat on you? Perhaps you should put the effort into improving your self-esteem rather than making yourself miserable by snooping...

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everlong · 09/10/2008 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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MrsParker · 09/10/2008 12:59

I confronted him over the porn, he admitted he looked! Told him i found it by accident as tittypalace in search bar on google. Said he only looked, did not bang one out! Liar. Not really bothered, as we have a young baby and don't get to do it as much.

I don't think i can pretend i don't know about his facebook activites.He only goes on it at 6am, if he's logged on in th evening and i come in the room, he closes it down. SUSPICIOUS!

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LostHorizon · 09/10/2008 13:05

All men look at porn to some extent. Trust me on this. I'm a man, and every single male friend I have - that I know well enough to ask - does indeed periodically look at porn.

Before the web, relatively few men did. I didn't. It was a ballsache to find hard core porn, and when you did, it featured freakish orange, shaven American women, with globular, motionless plastic tits who appeared to be bone dry all through the act.

Thanks to the web, no matter what it is you like, your kinda porn is now out there for free.

Eg I like slightly fleshy 30 to 35ish brunettes with their own breasts. The porn biz regards this as a niche taste, amusingly, but it's catered for (you just search www.youporn.com for "mature" + "natural").

I honestly think some women are going to have to recalibrate their way of thinking about porn, now that it's so ubiquitous. A big reason for the existence of the technology this site uses is porn. It was the porn biz that wanted to get its wares into people's homes more easily. Porn's not personal. It's not a big part of men's lives. I like black cars better than red cars, but my entire life isn't given over to the pursuit of black cars.

I don't want to meet or fuck any of the women on porn. As a woman, you may have noticed that we quite like looking at you lot naked. If we can do so for zero effort, then obviously we're going to do so. Lewd beautiful fleshy brunettes doing filthy things, costing no money and my mother wouldn't approve of her. What's not to like?

But it's a bit embarrassing if your bird knows about it. Like buying Penthouse in W H Smith from a female checkout operator.

If he starts looking at escort sites, you may have a problem. The pictures are too clean to work as porn, but the girls are ready to meet him for £150. Hmmm.

I've used Facebook and stuff, but only to check up on school mates and indeed to look at the odd ex to see what they look like now. My OH has these trust issues too. It is actually simpler for me to filter what she finds out about in the first place, than to waste hours of my life allaying her paranoid and loony suspicions.

I just don't see that she's entitled to an explanation of everything I do. It's my business, and if I want to live in a police state, thanks but I'll move to North Korea.

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VinegARGHHHTits · 09/10/2008 13:07

Sorry, but you sound like a nightmare, no wonder he is hiding his history

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