HumanBean I LOVE what you wrote that telling them what happened and how you felt was a LIBERATION - that really is a good word to describe it, and you realised you were GROWN UP and could express yourself properly and not be scared of who you are but be PROUD of who you are. I felt so positive reading your post.
We should be proud that we survived bad things to become as 'functioning' as we are! We haven't ended up in prison (like my brother), or addicted to drugs, or in a mental institute, or just hopeless and helpless having given up on ourselves, we are STRONG.
I think you are so right to say don't expect a particular reaction to the letter if any at all. The important thing is the act of writing it and sending it, that we have expressed ourselves, for ourselves and refused to keep quiet any longer and accept any shame or blame.
From what I've read lots of parents in this position deny everything or accuse the 'child' of hurting them. They are defensive.
My dad phoned the day he got the letter and said as I had requested that they let me know they had read it he was phoning to tell me they had read it. At least he acknowledged that much. He didn't apologise for anything or admit to anything. He said he hadn't known about any of it (I recently found out this is not true), therefore couldn't have done anything about it (there were so many signs they chose not to notice though eg bruising, extremely withdrawn behaviour, drunkenness, obvious fear of my bro, picking arguments with my GF when previously we were like 'best friends', the fact that I TOLD my mum GF was abusing me and bro was beating me up and mentally abusing me). I had written about my parents lack of any emotional expression and my dad said "I have no problem expressing myself". He said he doesn't feel the need to so he doesn't - no problem (I said it was a problem for the rest of us).
My mum didn't even acknowledge that she had read the letter til 4 months later (the other week). She acted like nothing had happened, as did my dad after the intital phone call. She finally phoned (I think only because of pressure from my dad's sister) and said sorry BUT she hadn't realised it had gone so far, I hadn't explained to her properly what GF did (not true, I told her the physical details), she couldn't be in two rooms at once to see what he was doing and she had told my dad not to leave me alone with GF because he was "too free with his hands" (in other words saying, it wasn't all her fault because dad knew as well). And anyway on several occassions after I had told her she sent me into rooms alone with him eg "go and say hello to GF now you have come home from school or he will be offended and I will never hear the end of it". She didn't say anything about my bro. So basically I felt that her 'sorry' was cancelled out by being wrapped in so many excuses.
My bro phoned as soon as he got his letter and although he seems like the worst one, his response was perfect! He said sorry over and over. He said if I wanted nothing to do with him he would understand. He said how awful what he did was and that it was awful that having been abused himself (outside the family), instead of dealing with it he became an abuser himself, against me. I sent his letter first and asked him how he felt about me telling our parents most of the details of what he did to me (I left out the sexual parts as I just couldn't bring myself to tell them that about him). He said I should tell them everything and tell anyone I want everything if it is going to help me regardless of how it makes him look. He said I need to be selfish now and do what I need to do to feel better.
In his letter I changed all the names so that people couldn't get into trouble, because prison staff read all the letters in and out, and they asked my bro who [his code name] was. He immediately said "That was me, I did those things". They asked him to write about what happened himself for his own therapy and he said although there is some possibility of extra charges against him he would do it because he is determined to heal himself and change so that he never hurts anyone in any way again and to help me as well.
The things my bro said meant a lot to me. The things my parents said annoyed/angered me. But basically I knew when I wrote the letters that I didn't need any particular response from them, the important thing was to say what I wanted to say, know that I can say how I feel and have some self esteem because I have treated myself as important enough to express my feelings. I can't stress this enough!
I am happy with very limited contact with my parents and slightly more contact with my bro now. It took a while not to feel guilty about not being there for them so much (because they all need help). The thought that really helped though was - if too much contact with (and thinking about) them messes me up so that I am giving less attention and less of myself to my DCs and DH then I should not be doing it! My DCs and DH deserve my attention and have done nothing wrong. My family have done plenty wrong and should be grateful if I give them anything at all. Also they are adults and if they need help it is their OWN responsibility to get help. Just because I feel sad for them does not mean I should be the one to try to help them. And anyway, they have never tried to help me, apart from my bro has recently.
Sorry I've written so much, it really helps me as well, to consolidate in my mind all that has happened recently.