Am I being paranoid?

[nanog]

Last Fri at abt 5pm DH was about to get into the shower. He started to have a shave and I told him I was going out to meet a friend for a quick drink. I'd be back in an hour. DS1 and DS2 were both at home with him.

On my way to meet my friend, I recieve a txt from her to say she can no longer meet, so I turn the car round and go home. I was back home in 5min. As I enter the house, I see the kids both playing. I opened the bathroom door to pop my head round and say hello to DH, but DH wasn't there.

I searched every room and he was nowhere to be seen. The back door to the garden was wide open and so was the garage door. I entered the garage and he was sat naked, half shaven with a phone i've never seen before.I asked him what on earth he was doing sitting stark naked in the garage, in a jokey way. He said nothing and I'm just so confused by then that I didn't know what else to say to him. I also noticed a phone charger plugged into a socket in the garage.

I started to piece together things that have happened, like how he spends a lot of time in the garage when he returns from work each day. I always assumed he was putting his tools away, but now i'm thinking otherwise.

I'm questioning why he would need another (secret) mobile phone. i can only think the worst right?

It was bugging me all weekend so last night I asked him about the phone. He told me its a very old phone he used to own and someone at work told him he could enter a code and then make free calls from it. I questioned further whether it actually worked and he said he tried, but got cut off. I said how gr8 it would be to have a phone wher we wouldn't have to pay for calls, but he said that he didn't think it was possible. more like he didn't want me to see the phone right?

Since I saw the phone in the garage on the fri, he has hid it. I can't find it anywhere. He doesn't leave it around like his other mobile phone. Why would he hide this from me?

I've never felt this way before. We've been married for 10 years. Should I be suspiscious? Is he upto something and how do I find out?

[moondog]

No.I think youn are onto something.

[nanog]

I think he hides the phone in his car, because I rarely drive it.(I have my own car)

I was thinking when he comes home tonight, I'll take the keys and go to the shops and then rummage inside the car and boot to find this phone. He may have deleted all txts or calls. I feel awful. I want to find this phone, but I'm also afraid of what I may find i.e. text messages and calls to numbers I don't recognise.

[jelliebelly]

You are not being paranoid. This sounds very suspicious and you need to get to the bottom of it imo.

[Tortington]

you must have it out with him

[nanog]

Would you all mind if I inform you of the outcome tonight? even if its not good?

I just don't know what to think. We bought our own place last year and despite the stress of moving out from his parents, we've been so happy, esp. in these recent months. We also booked a cheap holiday last week. Our first in 3 years, because we've been saving for the house.

I also have to admit, that he's been extra nice to me since Fri. He can often get moody over trivial things, but there's been a big shift in his attitude and that has raised my suspiscions further.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

I would be very very suspicious- why on earth did he rush out there naked and half shaved, just to see an old phone and put a code into it?

Very odd behaviour, I think you need to find that phone.

[JamieJay]

YANBU

I would simply state that you want to see the phone - if he has nothing to hide then he should show it to you.

If he goes off on one trying to make excuses or accusing you of making a mountain out of a mole hill then you need to sit down with him and tell him that his 'odd' behaviour is making you worried and surely he can see that sitting in a garage in that state is hardly normal behaviour!

Good luck

[SparklyGothKat]

I would be very suspiscious, why would he rush into the garage naked to see if a code worked? You have to find that phone, but he might have deleted everything anyway.

[themoon66]

I'm thinking sex chat lines here.

[Hassled]

I'm with JamieJay - he must be aware of how his behaviour must seem to you, and it's completely reasonable that you should ask to see the phone. Don't let him fob you off.

WHatever you find out, I think actually knowing will be better than this limbo of not-quite-knowing, where your imagination is running away from you.

[nanog]

Can someone tell me whether ' pay as you go' phone's send paper bills thro the post or not?

I've just looked thro our bank statements. No additional phone payments have been made, other than our contrated phones with Orange.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

No they don't send paper bills through, but you would see if any topups had been made, unless he buys top up vouchers (if you can still get them)

It could very well be that he's calling sex chat lines. At least that wouldn't be so bad.

[cluelessnchaos]

I agree with jamiejay, cards on the table, wtf is going on, you are driving me crazy and if you have nothing to hide show me the bloody phone.

[nanog]

moon 66, they would cost a fortune right? We've really had to tighten our expenditure since having to pay a mortgage for the last year and I can't see any payments being made by card, so is this something he could do by paying cash?

The one thing that he moans about on a consitent basis is how we don't have sex all the time and how he wished we could have sex like we used to,(Everyday) when we got married 10 years ago. I know its commons for married coupples with kids to not have sex as frequently, but we do it at least once a week if not twice, despite the fact i'm shattered with working full time, housework and with entertaining the kids too etc etc.

I know DH and I don't think he'd be capable of having an emotional affair, but i'm now thinking he could've paid for sex, because of his need to have sex all the time. I can't believe i'm even thinking this!

[NotQuiteCockney]

Cards on the table sounds wise.

If you can, it's probably worth not trying to work out what it is ahead of time. You'll find out from him, today. Coming up with possible explanations now is just going to wind you up.

[themoon66]

Could you get a look in his wallet and see if he has a top up card in there?

[nanog]

moon66 - good idea!

[Kally]

Surely with the kids unmonitored he wouldn't sit there naked up to 'stuff'.
You can get those deals where you have a phone that can call each other for free, me and my BF were going to get one for me and that way we could chat for free to one another. He's got that '3'... (but that evokes even a worse thought of what is going on). Also the 'drop everything and go do it whilst you're out' is worrying to say the least.
He probably won't own up to anything - you'll have to find the phone. I hope its nothing.

[Kally]

Let us know if you find it.

[nanog]

thanks Kally. Will do, altho dreading wat i may find.

Thanks for all your support guys. I don't want to find myself in a position, where I'm going to have to evaluate my future / relationship with DH, so let's hope its nothing other than calls to sex lines. (Altho, i will go mad about this, but I suppose its not as bad as having an affair)

[NotQuiteCockney]

But finding a top up card won't tell you anything, will it? I mean, you'll know he has put money on the phone, but now how much or when or why.

[nanog]

I can still question why he would need a top up card, when we're both on contracts with Orange. I can't see how he can make excuses for the top up card (if he has one!). Why not just use his regular phone, unless he has something to hide?

[NotQuiteCockney]

I guess you maybe do need some evidence or something, given he's trying to give a perfectly innocuous (but bizarre) explanation. I would probably go for a fairly commonsense 'hey, look, I know something's up here, please tell me what' sort of approach.

[branflake81]

Just to say I am on pay as you go. I top up online or using my debit card. You don't need top up cards any more.

[macdoodle]

If he is up to something - he will lie lie and lie some more - they always do when first caught out - you need to find the phone
I really hope this is nothing or just sex lines that you can sort out...