Was his reaction justified <petty, sorry>

[SheWillBeLoved]

On Saturday night, I was upstairs in the bedroom with my laptop resting on the bedside table. It's the only place, for some odd reason, that it will pick up the wireless signal without cutting out. DP knows this. It even has to be in a certain spot on the table. Piece of shit

I was waiting for him to get into bed and then I was going to turn it off so that we could sleep

He then asks if he can quickly check how the Amir Khan fight went to save him turning his laptop on, and I said "Yeah course you can, you'll just have to lean over because you know the signal will die if it gets moved". He kept insisting that I pass it to him, and I wouldn't, because I didn't want to deal with him then moaning that the signal went, all because he was to lazy to lean over and check. I of course would have moved and was acually in need of a pee anyway so I wouldn't have sat staring at what he was doing.

He then accused me of having something to hide on the laptop, and not passing it to him because the screen wouldn't be in my line of view. Sparking quite a heated arguement about what the hell I would have to hide, why me hiding something was his first thought and not the fact that I genuinley didn't want the signal to go so that he could check what he wanted to, and how much he does actually trust me.

I lost my temper abit because it was so uncalled for, and told him to fuck off he stormed off, spent the night on the couch, and barely spoke a word to me all day on sunday. Telling me that "i'll see what I had done sooner or later", and my behaviour caused this.

He has never had a reason to doubt me, he knows this. It's most definately, or was most definately the other way around in the past, but we are past that now.

I know it seems so petty in light of other problems on here. But did I do something wrong? Why am I made to feel like I should apologize, because he couldn't be arsed leaning over and then accused me of having something, or acting like I have something to hide? Things are still strained with us from this one stupid incident.

[SheWillBeLoved]

Sorry @ the essay considering the pettyness

[NotQuiteCockney]

This doesn't sound that petty, tbh. It sounds like he doesn't trust you. I'm probably reading too much into it, but his suspicion of you makes me think maybe he has things to hide, iyswim.

[cosima]

i would say if he feels insecure then reassure him. apologise. you can't fall out over that. What are you going to do if something bad happens. Is this a long term relationship that you want to maintain?

[Hecate]

You see, you didn't need to try to 'protect' him from the laptop signal going. He knows what happens, he wanted to do it anyway. He's a big boy. Just let him do it if he wants. It was no skin off your nose if the signal went, was it? - but it was a good opportunity to smile smugly and say "If only you'd listened to me."

Next time, you could say "The signal will go if it's moved" and if he moans, say "take it then, but don't say a WORD to me when the signal goes." Then, when the signal goes, say "I told you so. It's your own fault, you did insist!"

[SheWillBeLoved]

NotQuiteCockney - That was my initial thought but really, there is nothing that he is hiding. He slips up very easily if he is hiding something, caught him out enough times in the past to know that. Or he's just gotten very good at covering his tracks

Cosima - it is yeah. We've been together for over 3 years now, been through alot together in that time and are in the middle of planning our future out of this country.

I have reassured him, he knows he can trust me. I've never once done anything to make him think otherwise. He's told me in the past that a huge reason he is happy in this relationship is because of how trustworthy and loyal I am. Which is why I just cannot get my head around what he was thinking when he flipped out.

The thought that I had to hide something didn't even enter my mind when he asked as there is nothing! It was just me genuinley looking out for him and not wanting to the bloody crap signal to go out of his pure laziness.

The thought that he actually didn't want to check how the fight went at all crossed my mind, hence his reluctance to just lean across and check - because then he actually would have to check and not do what he wanted to.. I don't know

But it's still all my fault, i'm still getting the silent treatment, it was my reaction and behaviour when he asked which made him think I had something to hide.

[SheWillBeLoved]

Hecate - no I didn't need to protect him against the signal going. I was being stubborn as much as he was. I thought "You lazy bastard, just lean over!" instead of me pulling all of the wires across the bed and handing it to him, only for him to say "ughhh signal has gone !"

But that still doesn't deserve the reaction that he gave, does it?

[NotQuiteCockney]

I do see Hecate's point. Why not just hand him the laptop?

[SheWillBeLoved]

NQC - as I said before, I didn't see why he couldn't literally lean across onto my side of the bed and do what he had to do, without me getting up and pulling the wires from behind the bedside table and onto the bed, and without the signal going as soon as he got it.

I wish I did just give it to him now and let him deal with the signal going, but in terms of practicality - him just leaning across the bed would have been best.

Still failing to see how that makes it look like I have something to hide? Saying no completely would mean I have something to hide. A cheery "Of course you can babe, you're just gonna have to lean over" does not indicate that my laptop of full of stuff i'd rather he never saw, surely?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Right, but, one of the things about treating your partner as an adult is to let him do what he thinks is best, not what you think is best.

[SheWillBeLoved]

If I let him do what he thinks is best all of the time, he'd have me trotting around the house in stockings and heels, topping up his tea every half hour with no complaints

Fair enough I should have just given him it - but I honestly just didn't want to deal with him then moaning that the signal had gone. Would it honestly have killed him to just lean over and check what he had to check? It was 3am, I wanted to sleep, not faff about with wires and then listen to him moan.

It's almost laughable with a past as colourful as his. And that's what i'm looking for advice on, not who should have given into who.

Why would someone accuse somone that they know they can trust with their lives, of having things to hide from them when they clearly know they haven't? I've stuck by him through all of the shit he has pulled one me, yes I know - i'm a fool. So to accuse me out of nowhere of hiding things from him, and to drag it on for 4 days, sort of hurts

Silly me.

[Hecate]

Oh he's def unreasonable to make silly accusations, that goes without saying! But your OP asked if you'd 'done something wrong', I think we were just trying to advise on how you might like to consider handling such kind of silly behaviour from him in future. Because that's what it was - silly. No, it would not have killed him to lean over, but if he chose not to and it went off, that would have been his own problem and his own fault and you could have told him so.

You'll probably find something else is going on with him. Maybe he's got something on his mind?

[SheWillBeLoved]

I'm a stubborn cow at times, I just could not be arsed as I said faffing about with wires and him moaning. It's never normally that way - we get on great, I do treat him as an adult, I give him what he wants within reason, when he wants it. His pure laziness annoyed me too, it's okay for me to get out of bed and untangle the jungle of wires and place the laptop nicely on his knee - but he couldn't just lean over and also be able to check without no signal going

The only thing he has on his mind is the business we're in the process of setting up - but we're in it together with an equal workload so he shouldn't be feeling the strain any more than I am, which isn't much at all for the time being.

It was a silly moment, he probably didn't mean it, but he's also too stubborn to admit that and will insist it was all my fault and I gave off the impression that I had somethign to hide until the cows come home. And the fact that after 4 days he's still letting something that he knows is not true come between us is abit unsettling

I feel like a stupid kid but sometimes it's the silly arguements that can somehow hurt the most..