I have name changed for this.
OK here goes. I have been with my DP for 9 years and have two children (eldest is from my previous relationship).
We have had a lot of problems (but who hasn't!!) during that time. My DP suffers from depressive episodes and can be struck with it for weeks at a time (I know that there are others who suffer constantly).
We bicker a lot. We differ on many things. We often have really nasty shouting matches and I sometimes get a little scared of his temper.
He hits the roof over the smallest of matters and the more calm I remain the worst he gets!!
When the row is over he sulks and tries being overly affectionate with me, basically looking for sex but I find it difficult to be 'in the mood' after being ranted at so badly. When I mention this to him he states that he was 'seeing red' and didn't mean the things he said. They still hurt my feelings though. He then gets nasty again when I refuse sex.
I never go out as he always seems to have something planned for the date I plan to go out. If I do go out he blanks me when I get in and tells me for about two days afterwards I was a state and probably got off with loads of men. I don't even get drunk!
I think I love him but I find I feel like I won't be with him in the future and when I try and seeing my future, it's with someone else. I know that I should stand by him if he suffers with depression but it's awfully difficult sometimes.
I also find myself being attractive to other men a lot, even though I'm totally faithful. Why do I do this if I love him??
I'm a bit confused TBH.
If you've bothered to read this - sorry it's so long!!!
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Please help me understand my feelings!
5 replies
idrinkwater · 25/06/2008 16:49
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