My turn, laydeez...
Looking for support/advice possibly. I said the Unforgiveable Thing to dh yesterday, and it might be the beginning of the end.
Background: married 13 years, two dc 10 and 8, dh gave up career to be full time carer when ds was born. Sensible financial decision, I can earn considerably more than he can career-wise, he can work from home I can't. Except he never really did. He has abusive/difficult childhood and never wanted anyone else looking after the kids: fair enough. He has felt trapped by being unable to get job cos of kids, we live in the sticks so it's difficult for him to find work. He's now doing P/T MA. I work maybe 60h a week, would cut it and could but we can't live on less: I have budgeted and tried, no success yet.
Yesterday the old argument started again, he wanted me to stay home if ds ws not well enough for school as he had meeting (ds tummy bug, better today as it happens) and I started to say it would be difficult...then the tirade started about how he always has to be the one who makes the sacrifices, my job always comes first etc etc and I was tired and fed up and heve heard this and bitten my tongue so many times, so I replied that he should get a fcking job and earn some fcking money then, and I can be at home more. He hasn't engaged with me since, packed and unpacked a bag so for now has clearly decided to stay, is being spookily polite but cold. I tried to talk to him last night after dcs in bed, explained that he was hurting me so I said the most hurtful thing I could back, and he told me to leave him alone cos he didn't want to talk. In past times when we have a bust-up he does this passive-aggressive thing of not talking until I crack and start to apolgise for things not my fault just to get him to talk again, and it doesn't resolve the underlying issues. I can't really do shouting and conflict myself: had a shouty Dad too.
Just not sure how to play it, would so love to persuade him to sit down and accept there may be faults on both sides and let's talk sensibly about the situation we're in, but can't sem to get it to happen.
Bleurgh...
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9 replies
Alfreda · 23/06/2008 21:20
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