My husband left last night, i feel so angry ...

[Wonderpetsison]

He has mental health issues that were diagnosed about 18 months ago.

Things have just got gradually worse.

His doses of tablets have gone up at each visit and now hes been put on 75mg perday of something new.

Hes changed so much the last 4 months and i put it down to the depression.

Turns out hes started smoking weed again,

i say again as we had this about 8 months ago.

i told him then it was acceptable with a young family and i wasn't going to tolerate it.

He agreed and 'stopped'

Last night DS1 was very ill, throwing up, fever ect...

Dh was watching a fight on TV with BIL, i was banging on the floor as DS was being sick, he came up and said he would come up right after the fight and sort DS out (he is a daddys boy and just kept asking for DH)

15 mins later he still had not come back up so i banged on the floor and shouted him again ( i didn't want to leave DS in case he vomited again)

so i looked outside and could see the end of a cig.

I shouted DH and said id BIL smoking weed in the garden?

He said no, cigs! I KNOW this is a lie as he doesn't smoke cigs, just weed.

So I lost it and was shouting to tell BIL to go home, i feel strongly about drugs and he knows that.

Then i asked him if HE had been smoking

he said 'don't be stupid'

i asked again and he said no,

so i said 'remember i was looking out of the window'

and then he admitted it and told me he had been back on it a while

EVERY time his mate has been round hes been desperate to get me to bed... i am SOOOO stupid... how did i not realise he wanted me out of the way so he could smoke in the garden??

I have 2 kids and am pregnant with my 3rd.

I feel like this is the last straw.

He is a depressive, aggressive, liar.

I don't care what other peoples views on weed are, my view is the only one that counts when he is doing it under my roof.

I don't know if i am strong enough to go it alone but I don't want him back here for now.

[Wonderpetsison]

And worst of all (IMO) BIL got in thew car and drove home

[umberella]

oh god you have my sympathy. what a twat.

very difficult but as you say, with three little ones you can't accept this from him.

they should not have to learn how to negociate his lies, mood swings and aggression as they grow up and for that reason alone he must commit to stopping or risk losing his family.

[Wonderpetsison]

His response was 'its the only thing I do (meaning he doesn't drink or go to the pub' and I need to just deal with it as he isn't stopping or leaving'

[EffiePerine]

ADs plus weed is not a good combination. I'd be bloody angry as well - he;s sabotaging his treatment as well as treating his family badly.

[davidtennantsmistress]

sorry but i'd kick him out - I won't tolerate drugs in my house esp around my child. but that's just me.

you ahve my sympathy as well - tbh he sounds a bit like he needs to grow up as well. totally agree with umbrella.

[umberella]

that's not a valid excuse or a justification WP - this will affect your DC really badly. He needs to stop or leave you to bring up your children in a drug free environment.

Effie's right - the combination of mental health issues and ADs with smoking pot is terrible.

[Wonderpetsison]

I have texted his mother and told her he is smoking weed (i would have range her but she will be at work till 5 so can't talk) hopefully by telling her she will talk to him.

II also told my mother all the shit he has done last night, including his violence.

I want it all out in the open now

[umberella]

well done. i don't know all the details but from the sound of what you have posted so far his behaviour has depended on you keeping everything together and keeping quiet.

he might not like you talking but at least you will have some support from your family now.

you should have a look at the women's aid website and get in touch with them for some advice.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

0808 2000 247

[Wonderpetsison]

Thankyou.

[umberella]

Let us know how you get on - they will be really helpful to you.

[justageek]

oh bless you i am in a similar situation, also got 2 dd's and due my third and husband is also a long term weed smoker, however he has only just in the last week been to see a gp with it and been referred to see a cpn.

However my husband is so laid back he is horizontal, he never gets angry or shows any violence (probably too stoned) but its not life for you to live.

The problem with me, is that i adore my husband, even though i hate his habit and for me, because of that, i wont leave. I had told him that each time we fight over it though it feels like a little bit more of the love and respect i have for him is being chipped away, and that one day there will be none left...then i will leave.

You have to decide what you want, do you really believe things can get better? Do you love your husband still? If the answers are no, then leave and make a new life for yourself and your kids., dont waste it with a stoner.

[umberella]

this is the link to the alcohol and drugs section for you. good luck x

[Wonderpetsison]

Don't think I really want to ring them but thankyou. I am going to talk it through with MIL.

[Wonderpetsison]

I love him to death.

Well I did.

He is the only person Ive ever been with, he was my best friend, then he changed and when I look at him now I just feel sadness and can't ever see him being my best friend again or the person I fell in love with.

[umberella]

I have also been in a similar situation (the pot has stopped but all sorts of other issues now). The worst thing i did was keep quiet for so long. You've taken a big important step by talking to the people around you about this.

I found ringing an advice line extremely hard but once I had picked up the phone it was such a relief. These people aren't judgemental - they won't tell you what to do - they are there to support you, to listen and let you know what your options are.

[umberella]

Yes I can really identify with your last post.

[Wonderpetsison]

Do you have to give them any details?

[justageek]

this question might annoy you because i bet like me you have opened your heart to him a number of times and told him what you just told me..but just in case...have you sat him down and spelled out to him how he is making you feel? No shouting no anger, just the cold harsh truth....

He can be that person again, i believe, if he wants it enough, a weed addiction and depression can be sorted, but he has to want it enough.

My own DH has said he will stop tonight...again, we will see.

[colditz]

You are strong enough to go it alone.

[Wonderpetsison]

I have justageek,

thats what makes it so hard.

I tell him, he listens, he cries, i cry things are good for a few days then its the same.

[justageek]

are you worried about getting your DH in trouble wonderpetsison? Lines like that are confidential, if you need to talk you talk.

I know i worried and still dot hat if he got caught with some on him, he would get the sack from his work or SS would become involved, not that they would find any reason to take my kids away, i myself am a fairly okay parent (i think) its just the thought of it all.

If you worry about the same things, make sure you have told your husband this, really get it drummed into him how you are feeling.

[umberella]

No, no details. i just gave a (made up) first name. They were terrific.

[umberella]

Something needs to change WP - you can't go on like this forever.

[Wonderpetsison]

The ironic thing is he badmouthed his mate for doing it with a small DS

Im not worried about him getting caught with any, as far as i know HE doesnt buy it his mate or brother brings it round.

SS is a worry, my mum works with them and knows the implications of them finding out.

I'm too tired for this.

[justageek]

i figured you will have done wonderpetsison. What about a shock, have you tried taking the kids and going to stay somewhere else a few days? or telling him to?