Think my husband's involved in fraud...

[stirling]

And I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.

Name changed for this. This is very much related to his mother, who is an utter criminal. Please bear with me, its a bit long...
Basically, been married 4 years, 2 dc. Was very reluctant to marry him as he was always up to his neck in debts, blacklisted and well I wanted a family and stability. In the end he got a job and we both worked very hard to pay off his debts. We were never able to get a mortgage, we are now living in a tiny flat that every member of my family and extended family have loaned us the money for.

His mother, is awful. A couple of years ago she got herself £120k in debt. Thats credit cards, store cards...all of the money gets spent on 'designer' clothing and she is constantly scorning me for the 'cheap' clothes I wear.
My DH helped her pull a scam with a dodgy solicitor whereby they claimed she was mentally ill, and unable to pay the companies back, so she now has a settlement to pay about £10 per month towards the total amount. This was preceeded by a mad shopping spree where she spent thousands of pounds in EACH store exhausting the limit on each card. It was disgusting to watch.

A few months ago she was caught out for commiting benefit fraud (she was working but claiming 'disability benefit' - the disability being that she is depressed, she's not)

A couple of weeks ago she was hit by a bus. The truth is, she NEVER looks before she crosses the road. My DH and I have argued over the years because I would never allow her to take my DC out as I had seen her pushing the pram into the road without looking, and walking with her alone seen her many times just walking into the road.
Now, she has been hit by a bus...obviously because as per usual she wasnt looking..and needless to say: IS MAKING A CLAIM FOR COMPENSATION!
And the saddest thing is that Ive found out (he is denying it) that my DH is helping her.

Im posting because I dont know what to do or how to feel about being married to this man and his awful family.
I feel terrible for the poor bus driver who is going to probably be out of a job because this vile woman is going to pull yet another scam.
I might post this in legal too.
ANy advice??? Sorry so long
thankyou for reading

[tiredemma]

Does she have a mental illness though?

[umberella]

God they sound awful.

No advice - don't know what I would do but bllomin' heck!

[umberella]

bloomin'

[Gobblegobble]

Blimey. sounds like a nightmare. With regards to the bus incident, were there many potential witnesses? Did the police attend? I doubt the insurance company would just pay out, they would have to prove that the driver was negligent, that means getting independent evidence like CCTV or witness statements off people not related to your MIL.
IF your MIL walked in front of the bus without looking and there is evidence to back that up no one would be prosecuted and the insurance company would not pay out.

In what way is your DH helping her?

[CarGirl]

I think I remember your thread about her never looking before crossing the road. Perhaps you should ring the bus company anonymously and tell them that she probably just stepped out because she never looks - hopefully to protect the bus driver.

I really don't know what you can do, speak to your dh and tell him how disgusted you are at her & his actions? Where will that leave you though, do you think you can stay with him when you disapprove of this side of him so strongly?

[findtheriver]

I agree with CarGirl. This poor bus driver's livelihood is at stake and god knows how he must feel. This woman deserves what comes to her. Don't know what you do about your dh - don't know that I could live with someone so utterly untrustworthy.

[controlfreakyagain]

do you KNOW she was hit because she wasnt looking or are you ASSUMING this because of her past behaviour?? if you werent there it's hard to be sure what happened isnt it?

[stirling]

no mental illness.
He is getting the police report and has a booklet i found about what to do written by some law firm
thankyou for replis
he is about to come in

[stirling]

thankyou cargirl for remembering me, yes i did post a few months ago about worrying that she would kill my toddler if she if took him out

1 reason for posting was to ask if you think i should ring the police anon..feel so bad for the bus driver
but will i jeapordise my marriage???

[CarGirl]

Have you warned your dh that if he continues to support fraud that he is jeopardising your marriage?

[controlfreakyagain]

HOW DO YOU ALL KNOW SHE IS MAKING FRAUDULENT CLAIM?? dont you think you should talk to dh about this... find out what she's told him and what he's planning on doing if anything?

[JamieOliverAteMyChickens]

How is he getting the police report? I am baffled. I'm a police officer and have never heard of this? They would not give all details as they'd contain witness details which are private.

If she is lying she'll get found out if there are other independant witnesses to refute her story. In which case she won't be able to claim compensation (as the insurance case will wait for a result of a prosecution - if it went that far).

[MsDemeanor]

hmmm...you really don't seem to know at all if her claim is fraudulent. Mind you, you are clearly right not to let her take your kids out.

[CarGirl]

I'm assuming the op is thinking on the balance of probability her MIL did not look before she crossed the road because MIL never has in the past.

[Anglepoise]

Are you sure that her arrangement with her creditors is a scam? It sounds like an IVA to me, which is legit.

[DirtySexyMummy]

I don't see how this is fraud?

She was hit by the bus, and is claiming compensation. Regardless of how it happened, she was hit.

How can she 'never look to cross the road'? Presumably she has been run down many times then?

[Desiderata]

Some people don't. I've noticed this over the years, and have attributed it to a peculiar form of arrogance.

Stirling, I don't think you love your husband, and I don't disagree with the reasons why. I wouldn't be happy with my kids hanging around folk like that.

At some point, in the future, when the time is right, you know what you've got to do, don't you?

[Alexa808]

Desiderata is right, there are people in the world that really NEVER look before crossing the road. Idiots that hold the arrogant belief that drivers will step on the brakes for them because they have to. Well, yes of course you have to brake and be ready to do so at any point in time. But if someone is negligent on purpose and crosses a road, depending on the speed of the car and reaction it's not always possible. I can totally see how a bus can hit someone like that. The woman has had it coming at her for years. If I were you, I'd call the bus company and anonymously state what you think re the MIL never looking. The poor bus driver.

Re your H: good God, you sound so reasonable and decent, how the hell did a man like that end up with a woman like you?? What is he giving you that you can't get yourselves? Or find it in a new man? Why do you have to suffer for his wrongdoings and constant scamming and living in such conditions? Not fair IMO. He's got a family with you, he should know where his loyalties ought to lie. What a role model for his dc...NOT.

[DirtySexyMummy]

Okay, fair enough.

Still don't see how this is fraud? She was hit after all, regardless of how, she was hit.

Don't understand how your DH is 'helping' her either?

[Hecate]

She sounds charming!

However, if you are injured- however you are injured- you have the legal right to make a claim - it is up to the court to decide whether or not your claim is successful. Now, if she was claiming that she had been hit by a bus but had not been..that would clearly be fraud. This is a matter of the court deciding whether she was at fault for stepping out or the driver was at fault for not seeing her.

Re disability benefits - I assume you mean DLA? This is not means tested and you can work and claim it. If it's something else - incapacity, or IS, then report her and they'll investigate, but you can work while in receipt of DLA.

[beaniesteve]

Don't phone the bus company anonymously! what good would that do.

If you really dislike your husband as much as you seem to then start getting a plan in place to get out. Make sure you are not tied up in any joint finances which could be dodgy. Are you the tenant named on your lease?

[MrsTittleMouse]

Doesn't sound like an IVA to me. Despite all the "and they wrote off 75% of my debt" adverts, ususally you have to agree to pay all of you non-essential salary to the creditors or they will refuse the agreement. So it sounds like a complete scam.
No advice about the bus accident. What a nightmare.

[stirling]

Hello everyone and many thanks for all your replies.
JamieO - The letter I saw was from the traffic serious casework unit, met police. In which they told my DH that they are putting the report together and investigation is underway and will inform him of this as soon as its available.

Its true, I don't know for sure that it was her fault, but I would be absolutely amazed if it was somehow the driver at fault given the amount of times I have seen her just walking out into the road without looking. It IS a miracle she hasnt been hit until now. My DH says that as a little boy he had to help HER cross the road...
What I mean by fraud is that although she probably knows that it was her own fault - ie she just walked into the road as she does, she will grab this as an opportunity to make some money.

My other concern is that her friend happens to live right there where the accident happened. A handy 'witness' therefore. She could claim not to know my MIL?

the credit card thing may officially be legal' but what I watched her doing was terrible. A week before she knew that the store cards were all to be blocked, she went on a mad spree literally taking anything off the shelves £2k laura ashley, an hour later into john lewis another few k...in my view, this is theft.

she now continues to shop like this but has taken store cards out in her daughter's namewho lives abroad...

my husbands involvement in this, well... other than chasing the report I dont know. I imagine he would be helping her to make the claim as her english is poor...

[MrsTittleMouse]

So she's trashing her daughter's credit record too.

[wannaBe]

Imo there are lots of issues here.

Firstly, while it may be perfectly legal to claim compensation in the event of personal injury sustained by being hit by a buss, I have to say that I hate this compensation culture we live in now. it?s as if money can buy everything, and I think that it?s wrong, and lays us too open to money grabbers like her who try and make a quick buck out of any situation. How badly was she hurt btw? And what is she claiming compensation for?

Secondly, taking out credit/store cards in her daughter?s name is fraud. There are no maybe?s about that, she is committing fraud and tbh I would report her to the police. And what she did with her store cards after knowing they would be blocked is also theft IMO as she knew she wouldn?t have to pay. But there?s no way of proving that, so I would go with the reporting her for obtaining cards in her daughter?s name. If her daughter doesn?t live here she cannot apply for cards here, so presumably mil has lied and said that she does live here?

Thirdly, only you can decide whether you want to stay married to a man who is happy to help another person commit criminal acts. Personally I wouldn?t, but it?s your marriage and you have to make that decision based not only on that but on the other aspects of your marriage too. How is the marriage other than the issues with your mil?