My mother never visits

[nac68]

My mother has never liked me. I have three sisters, who have children. They are very similar to my mother. I'm very different in many ways. I'm reliable, honest, loving, very communicative and I have many friends. Neither my mother or sisters have any of these tributes. I've always worked hard, had a successful career and previously lived abroad for a number of years. I've always been very generous to my mother and sisters and helped out in all ways. I only live 40 minutes away, yet none of them ever call or come to visit. Having made at least one trip every week to see my family over a long period of time, I came to the conclusion that it was a one-way thing. When I mentioned that it would be nice to have them to visit one in a while, I received a defensive attitude and still no visits. My father always said that my mother was jealous of me, and it seems a weird concept. I have a daughter of 3 and I hope to have a communicative, loving relationship with her and will encourage her to be independent and successful in whatever she chooses to do. My mother seems to detest me. Simple things; only a year ago my mother, sisters, children and I met to eat at a country pub. We walked in and there were many small tables. I asked the guy politely, like any reasonable person, if it would be ok to put some tables together, and my mother huffed. She dislikes me being assertive and just generally gets irritated by me for no good reason. My parents divorced 12 years ago now, my father always found it hard to communicate with her. It seems a weird thing to admit about your mother, but she really isn't all that bright. Her conversation consists of streams of moans about other people. She's never had any friends and my sisters are quite similar. If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't be bothered with any of them, but I don't want to pave my daughter's future with awkward disfunctional relationships. I don't know what to do. My husband can't understand their behaviour. He thinks I should just steer clear of them. I've tried to talk to all of them at times and it's hopeless. One of my sisters finds it so hard to communicate, she has her husband make any phone calls that might be even slightly contentious. I asked my mother to babysit once and she didn't turn up. It's very hurtful.

[nac68]

My mother has never liked me. I have three sisters, who have children. They are very similar to my mother. I'm very different in many ways. I'm reliable, honest, loving, very communicative and I have many friends. Neither my mother or sisters have any of these tributes. I've always worked hard, had a successful career and previously lived abroad for a number of years. I've always been very generous to my mother and sisters and helped out in all ways. I only live 40 minutes away, yet none of them ever call or come to visit. Having made at least one trip every week to see my family over a long period of time, I came to the conclusion that it was a one-way thing. When I mentioned that it would be nice to have them to visit one in a while, I received a defensive attitude and still no visits. My father always said that my mother was jealous of me, and it seems a weird concept. I have a daughter of 3 and I hope to have a communicative, loving relationship with her and will encourage her to be independent and successful in whatever she chooses to do. My mother seems to detest me. Simple things; only a year ago my mother, sisters, children and I met to eat at a country pub. We walked in and there were many small tables. I asked the guy politely, like any reasonable person, if it would be ok to put some tables together, and my mother huffed. She dislikes me being assertive and just generally gets irritated by me for no good reason. My parents divorced 12 years ago now, my father always found it hard to communicate with her. It seems a weird thing to admit about your mother, but she really isn't all that bright. Her conversation consists of streams of moans about other people. She's never had any friends and my sisters are quite similar. If I didn't have my daughter I wouldn't be bothered with any of them, but I don't want to pave my daughter's future with awkward disfunctional relationships. I don't know what to do. My husband can't understand their behaviour. He thinks I should just steer clear of them. I've tried to talk to all of them at times and it's hopeless. One of my sisters finds it so hard to communicate, she has her husband make any phone calls that might be even slightly contentious. I asked my mother to babysit once and she didn't turn up. It's very hurtful.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Hi

They don't like you because you broke the mould. Your Mother conditioned and controlled them successfully (to be like her) but you were different. Your Dad no doubt realised what was happening but chose not to intervene; he perhaps acted out the role of bystander. They are also jealous of you (jealousy and low self esteem are very closely linked).

Would suggest you read "Toxic Parents" written by Susan Forward as she writes at some length about dysfunctional toxic relationships.

You have not caused this to arise; they have made their choice.

Perhaps steering well clear of them all would be a way forward for you. You really don't want to expose your daughter to all their issues. Another thread you may want to read on these pages is the one entitled "Well we took you to stately homes part 3". On this thread people have written about their experiences about coming from a dysfunctional family.

HTH