does the '7 year itch' exist??

[lazylola]

i have been with my dp for (yes, you guessed) 7 years.

over the past few months i have found him increasingly annoying. even the sound of him eating, breathing annoys me.

i don't feel that there is any connection there at all. he constantly disagrees with what i say, always corrects me if he thinks i've pronounced a word incorrectly, checks DS's bath for temperature when i run it. he says he is being helpful. have talked a few times about this, but just end up arguing.

maybe it's me, i am beginning to socialise more, seeing old friends now youngest is at school. my opinions have changed, i've changed. has anyone else been in a similar situation?

[whomovedmychocolate]

I think every relationship gets to this point and most of them get past it as well.

Although when the sound of my ex-dh chewing food made me want to stab him with a fork, I divorced him.

You are bound to change. He is bound to change. Can you find some common ground, something you both love to do that you can do together.

Life is very long when you are unhappy. Try and find something you love about each other even if it's only that he makes a damn good cuppa!

[notasheep]

Yep,dh and i ended up divorced,now with dp and feel like its happening again.

Do get sometime for yourself
sorry not much help

[gingerninja]

I think most relationships have periods like this but I think the seven years thing is an old wives tale.

I think you will need to think and work hard to save your relationship if that's what you want. The problems obviously lay much deeper than a time scale.

[whomovedmychocolate]

I do think the whole 'seven year' thing is about cycles of life. If you think about it, seven years is enough time to get married, have a child and raise it to school age, change careers, move house etc, not surprising with all those life events that your attitudes change.

Also familiarity can breed contempt. A good month's effort at just being polite to each other and doing caring generous things for each other (even if it is only making someone a piece of toast when they look hungry) can make a world of difference.

But if you get to the point where you really genuinely can't think of anything good about the person you are with, it really is a doomed relationship.

[lazylola]

thanks, i know this is a trivial moan. i am trying to decide whether to go through with wedding

[whomovedmychocolate]

Ah! I see. Yes weddings can put enormous pressure on your relationship. Sounds like you are getting scared of the commitment. The thing is - if you have kids together - you are already committed in lots of ways. Marriage can be wonderful, it can also be hideous.

It's worth taking time to think these things through and you can postpone weddings or even cancel them and stay with the chap.

[fawkeoff]

just split with EXdp a month ago........we had been together for 7 and a bit years. everyone keeps telling me its the 7 year itch.....it is over...for good

[bcsnowpea]

I like whomovedmychocolate's suggestion of trying to dedicate time to do nice stuff for each other. Talking is also great for passing these humps (she says having never actually been in a seven year relationship ).

In regards to your seven-year question, I remember from a psych course I once took that relationships are only supposed to last four years (raising children etc.) so well done for passing that boundary!!!

[TLV]

I had heard 4 yrs was the new 7 yr itch? if so went through it back end of last year, split with dh almost divorced and now back together, looking back we both let things go and having a child certainly put pressure on our relationship think we were both naive and did not realise how much things were going to change, now after doing relate we see things differently.

I'm still a little cautious as he was the one who walked but now we are both very considerate of each others feelings, we make sure we do things as a family and just us but we also give us our own time which is good. If we find ourselves slipping and shout or berate in anger tiredness whatever we immediately apologise talk and then its finished.

[MrsTittleMouse]

Our relationship certainly went through a stage where we really annoyed each other and argued a lot over trivial stuff (I can't even remember what it was). It was before we got married, but we got over it before the wedding. I would have found it hard to marry while we were still going through that patch.
Like other people have said, I think that especially when you have DC, it's really important to have time just for the two of you. Easier said than done! Is there anyone nearby who can babysit occasionally?

[lazylola]

i feel trapped, & think he brings out the worst in me - all the things i once found endearing now irritate.

[MrsTittleMouse]

lazylola - that really isn't that unusual, to be honest. I think that more couples go through a patch like that than don't. In fact, I'd even bet that all couples do at some point.
So it might that the relationship is over, but it might just be a blip. I don't think that I would get married if I was going through what you're going through, but I think that the relationship is probably worth giving things a go and trying to reconnect. Just my opinion of course, but after we'd got over the phase when we irritated the hell out of each other, things were actually better than before.

[lazylola]

thanks for all the advice, it is helping me to sort out my head.

[Minum]

When we'd been married 7 years we made a conscious decsion to be less "parenty" and more into doing new things - climbed Snowden together, started going to festivals etc. Kind of a mid-life crisis togeher . I also do lots more outsid the house on my own, which I really enjoy. We've now been married 15 years, and happier than ever.