another one who has kicked dp out on fathers day!!!!

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

sorry nemo just noticed your thread when i was starting mine. hope things work out for you.

i need some one to tell me weather i am over reacting. dp got no fathers day card, mainly because he doesnt act much like a father so i dont see why he should be treat like one, but also coz dd1 like to make cards i was expecting dp to be out yesterday but he stayed in on the pc all day long (as per usual), so we didnt get the chance to make one.

anyway he didnt seem to bothered but he went on a bit. later i asked him to change dd2's nappy while i had a cigerette. he shouted at me for handing her over properly, then complained that he needed a wee. so i said 'oh just leave it ill do it myself, i didnt think that it would be asking much to expect you to change your own daughters nappy!! okay now i that that is over reacting but he never does it.

on he up the stairs he was muttering about the card so i shouted 'what makes you think you deserve a card you do nothing for me and the dc's' (that and he never gets me anhything for mothers day, last year i didnt even get a card for my birthday, never mind mothers day!!) so he shouted back that i was 'f*cking useless' so i lost my temper and asked to leave.

when he did go to leave he tried to take dd2 with him, so i went to call my dad to come and help me get dd2 off him. he took my phone off me coz its in his name. and refused to leave. so i took dd2 and left.

now i have got back he has gone. i have no doubt that he will come back once the pubs are closed. but do i take him back???

i know its over reacting to throw him out just over today, but its over a lot more than that. he never helps in the house, he never does anything for the kids and help very little financially. in fact for the last 8 days at least he has done nothing but sit on the pc all day looking at holidays we cant afford. he never gets out of bed before noon, he is incapable of putting anything away after himself, he is constantly shouting at the dds, and nasty and aggressive towards me.

he calls me lazy, fat, scruffy, bad mother and tells me that i dont love my kids. my house is far from tidy i admit that but does that give him the right to treat me this eay? he says that once we move to a bigger place (that will be his house in his name) thing will be better, as i will have more storage and the house will be easier to clean (no mention of him pulling his weight though, which is all that i need) but i dont belive this.

is it just me or this not how a relationship should feel?

[keeplaughing]

No it isn't, sounds awful. what does he do then - doen't he have a job? where's dd1 btw?

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

yes he does shift work but he is on holiday at the moment, has been for three weeks. he is trying do work on his own house to get it ready for us to move in, but hasnt been at all this week an dhas still done f all in my house or with the kids.

i have got my key turned in the door so that he cant knock it out with his key. and i going to get my dad to change the locks tommorrow.

thing is i throw him out all the time for the same reason. i always get promises that things will change and they do for a few days, then go back to normal. anyway he normally phones me on the night all apologys and offers of wine and takeways etc. but the stupid tw*t has still got my phone!! so god knows how he thinks he is going to get back in this time

[NotABanana]

Why would you want to call some one like him your dp?

better off without him

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

dd1 was safe at my nans while all this was happening. dd2 is hopefully too young to understand what was going on. she is 1.

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

i should mention he is never violent not even in drink. just aggressive and verbally abusive. more so in drink than any other time, but he can still be this way (a lot) when he is sober.

[ALMazing]

He sounds exactly like my H. I too did not receive any cards for birthday or mothers day etc. Today I cleaned the house for visitors coming then went for a run and walked the dog. When I returned he had made himself breakfast and put all the dishes in the sink for me to wash up. He too is very aggressive verbally, does nothing for the kids - though will take them out and do fun stuff. Doesnt help in the house at all and drinks too much.

I am a hairs width away from giving him his marching orders and have disengaged emotionally anyway.

So I know where you are coming from and if I were in a position financially I would have chucked him out a long time ago.

I don t think you were overreacting to throw him out today. It sounds like things have built up and built up and you snapped. Change the locks. I wish I could.

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

i was wrong anyway he didnt come back after the pub he has just been back to check the leccy meter (now he decides to help) and get a plate and dishcloth (wtf!!!) and because he has a right to say goodbye to his daughter for the night! i dont think i told him this was just for the night!!!!

the saying goodbye to his daughter was just a guilt trip on me, which has worked! i feel awfull now that i am taking him away from his kids!! oh and he 'forgot' his plate!! and gave me my phone back as he said he was being childish taking it away (really you think??)

hes gone to the pub now which is just over the road from me so im expecting him back later.

[ALMazing]

Sure you are looking forward to that. Always nice when you are sitting around waiting for them to get back from the pub after a row. What a lovely relaxing evening for you.

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

no almazing he will come back being all nice and sorry, as he knows if he came back any other way i would call my dad to help me 'evict' him.

he'll phone first being all sorry and nice and full of promises and telling me how much the kids would miss him! thats why he has brought back my phone. not because he realised he was being childish, but beacsue he realised he wouldnt be able to phone me.

[expatinscotland]

WHY do people put up with excuses for partners like this, much less have kids with them?

Honestly, would you be happy if you're daughter went out with someone like this?

If the answer is no, then you need to think long and hard about why you are in this relationship.

[Nemoandthefishes]

I wouldnt be with him no..but then at this precise moment I would be with any twunt of a man

[Monkeytrousers]

Forget this 'things will be better when..' line - that's all it is in my experience. You need to address your problems now and certainly before you become dependent on him for a roof over your head.

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

he wasnt as bad as this befre dd2 (dd1 is mine from a previous relationship) and i honestly was stupid enough to believe that having a baby would encourage him to grow up a bit.

i dont think he means to be no nasty he is just too immature to think before he speaks and loses his temper at the drop of a hat. ive asked to get anger classes but he thinks they are unecessary.

i really dont think the relationship will work if it carries on like this and although i would love to give him yet another chance, as i did used to love him and dd1 adores him, i dont think that things will ever change with him.

i just hope that i am strong enough to stick to my guns this time because now he has been back am begining to think that i wont be.

[ALMazing]

Because they don t start out like that. Mine certainly didn't. Then when things go wrong and you ask them to go they won t and they keep promising change and you want to believe them because you love them and your kids love them and you want to keep your family together.

My H just won t go. I have asked him many times and he agrees but does nothing. It is harder than you think.

[SaintGeorge]

shoulditrytomakeitwork, if you are who I suspect you are, then I have never seen you post anything nice about your partner, although frequent posts about his twuntish behaviour.

That says a lot about your relationship.

[DKMA]

My gut reaction to this is UABU

It is 'Fathers Day' not 'Boyfriend Day'

Today should have been about his kid/s enjoying his company etc not watching you two fight - save that for another day cos he does sound like an a*hole.

And another thing..........(puts on hard hat) give up the fags - you're not doing your kids any favours.

[LoveMyGirls]

It sounds like you've had enough but then you haven't mentioned any of his good points, does he have any?

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[Monkeytrousers]

I'll second that ALMazing - been there all last year.

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

good points.....im sure he does they are just difficult to remember at times..

i generally get what i want eventually when it comes to major purchases i.e. the laptop that i am on
the top of the range washer
the memory foam matress and kingsizebed
and he says when i move i can have a breadmaker and real coffee machine aswell as a proper panset and new vax. (all things that i want btw, not just him buying me more stuff to clean and cook with) but the day to day financing he doesnt help much with.

if i phone him at the pub to come back while i go to the shop, he will come back, although he shouldnt be at the pub in the first place, iyswim?

he took on dd1 really well as did his family and she is treat the same as dd2.

both dd's especially dd1 adore him.

i just want things to go back to the way they were when i met him, but obv with dd2 in the picture too, but ppl keep telling me this wont happen as he never really was that person he was just trying to impress me. i dont know if he is that clever though!

[LoveMyGirls]

What about a trial seperation to see if you miss him? You have said you don't love him anymore so perhaps you just need to get used to day to day without him, just because you don't want to be his partner doesn't mean he can't still be a dad to your children. Maybe a few weeks apart will show you both that you do love/ need each other?

[shoulditrytomakeitwork]

i have sugested that to him before but he has never been keen as he doesnt know what he would tell his mum and doesnt see why i need time away from him

although i suppose if he is going now, which he says he is, for the night at least, then he might agree to this.

we were really happy when we first met so id like to try and make it work and fall in love again with him, i just cnat see this happening, i dont think he sees what he is doing (or not doing) is wrong.

[georgiemama]

Sorry to sound harsh but your "good points" list is just a list of stuff he has bought for you. That isn't a relationship. Don't you love him? If you do, can you actually explain why? Other than stuff bought for you?

And please stop smoking. It isn't hard, I smoked from the age of 13 to 27 and stopped when doctor told me, "you are not going to have a baby unless you stop smoking for a start". I had one more fag, stubbed it out, and never lit another.

[elliephant]

He doesn't help much finacially yet he got you all the things listed and you seem to believe he will follow through on his promise to get you things when you move to a bigger house. You both has different expectations of what his role is - its not unheard of of men to assume they've done their bit by providing material goods.

Did he not get a card because you think he's a crap father or a crap partner? You say your dds love him to bits and is for your kids and him.

Sounds like you need to a good and fair talk about your expectations and hopes for your relationship.