Is he trying to control me or should I do as he asks

[OldAtHeart]

I recently moved in with my partner, we have lived together for around 2 months.

Anyway I have a photo of me and my ex and my two children together on a boat in Spain. It was one of those "day trip" events where they take a family photo before you set off and then sell it to you for so many euros. I love photography so always buy stuff like that.

Anyway I no longer see this ex at all or speak to him and am unlikely to ever again. He is not my children's father.

Now my current partner has become all stroppy about the photos of the ex and asked me to get rid of them. He isn't bothered about the photos I have of my children's dad, just of this other ex.

So I got rid of all of the ones that I had (didn't bother me) but didn't want to get rid of this holiday one, its in a display card and I don't want to keep it for the sake of him being on it, its just because of where it was taken and because it has the kids on.

However the photo is not a huge deal to me, I have loads of other photos of the holiday so i could just chuck this one and it wouldn't matter BUT I am concerned that current partner is starting to show controlling issues.

Could this be seen as controlling or should I stop making a big deal out of it and just throw the photo away?

[ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight]

What is his problem with the photo? It's a small issue really, he shouldn't make a big fuss about it, and you could easily get rid of it...but it sounds like it might be a bigger issue...only you know if he is trying to control you, or if it's a petty thing that you should give up on.

[NotABanana]

I don't think you should have got rid of anything on his say so tbh.

I would put the offending photo where you can enjoy it and he can't and tell him to stop telling you what to do.

[avenanap]

He's probably insecure and doesn't like to see pictures of your ex. You don't have to throw them away, just put them away. It can be hard for a new partner to see pictures of an ex, especially if they are happy times. Maybe he thinks that you still have feelings for him if you keep them up.

[OldAtHeart]

The photo has never been on display though, its in the drawer with the rest of the holiday photos.

[scanner]

I wouldn't like pictures of dh's ex in the house tbh, I don't think he's being unreasonable.

[NotABanana]

Just leave the pictures in the drawer.

I have photos of my ex in the loft but it isn't a problem for my husband as he is secure in our marriage.

[Twelvelegs]

Put it away but don't get rid of it. I had a partner who made me destroy all of my prose and poetry that were written about other bfs or events that didn't involve him, I did it too . Agree that you have a locked trunk that contains things that he won't like to see, so he shouldn't look. It's early days to be destroying memories.

[Flightybitchreturns]

Yes indeed early days.
It could indicate control issues. You have to make it abundantly clear that you will NOT be destroying anything else you own, and if he is going to be stroppy about it, it is time he got a grip because most people do have other people in their past, some of whom they may want to retain happy memories of - just because he came along does not mean the rest of your life before that gets erased - metaphorically orphysically

I had issues with a boyfriend having pics of his girlfriend, when I was about 19. It was my problem and I respected him more for keeping them when I had been a sily bitch and got jealous. I never asked him to destroy them but I was incredibly insecure and often used to get upset that I wasn;t her, or as good as her

As I said, I was 19

Watch him carefully though in case it gets out of control.

[Anna8888]

I think it is only tactful not to display photographs (or other obvious reminders) of previous partnerships when you live as a couple.

Keep the mementoes you wish to hold onto in a box, far away from your present partner.

It is not your partner who is being "controlling" but you who is being insensitive.

[Flightybitchreturns]

Anna, I believe they are kept in a drawer, not on display. How is that insensitive?

[Anna8888]

They should be in a box, in the cellar/attic/high cupboard where the present partner shouldn't have come across them - not in a drawer in a shared area.

[Flightybitchreturns]

I see what you mean Anna but fwiw I wouldn't want a partner who was SO upset about it that he made a big fuss. Just as I know I was in the wrong to make a big fuss about it myself, in the old days.

I have been out with geezers who could not stand the fact I occasionally mentioned one of my ex's - he would storm out of the house and slam the door, if the name so much as came up.

I ditched hi,m because it was a slippery slope and I was walking on eggshells the whole time. it was awful.

[Flightybitchreturns]

A geezer, not geezers...

[edam]

Don't throw it away, put it somewhere safe.

[NotABanana]

I think Anna8888 is talking rubbish tbh. Surely the little love can cope with the fact she had a life before?

[beaniesteve]

I think I can understand why he wouldn't want it displayed tbh, but I think it's unfair of anyone to expect you to get rid of past photos completely.

Is there a reason he dislikes this ex in particular?

[melpomene]

YANBU. It might be understandable for him to be a bit uncomfortable if you were keeping photos with just your ex in them. But in this case, it 's a picture of your kids enjoying a special trip and it sounds like the ex is almost incidental.

Is he overly jealous in other ways? Do you have platonic male friends, and is he OK about that?

[greenelizabeth]

It was a happy day, and the photo records that.

You are being sensitive not displaying it. Does he think that you weren't ever happy before you met him?

don't get rid of it

[clam]

Don't think the issue here is about the photo, but that the OP feels this is another possible sign, in conjunction with others, of controlling behaviour. So, keep a careful watch out for it...