Feel so let down and don't know if I'm being foolish

[Kally]

My dp lives 2 hours away. He's a bit of a workacholic. Its IT so their hours are long and weird as well. He has a little boy from previous marriage that he cares for most of the time. He also has a lot of overhead so is often hard-up (same here) so sometimes I pay for his fare to see me which I don't mind and understand. We hadn't been able to see each other for a few week as he was working extra, and I couldn't take time off of work. No biggie.
He came down on Teusday, that was after he's been telling me since previous Friday he was coming but couldn't make it, then couldn't make it again, etc etc... finally Teusday we got together. As always he was lovely.
I don't know much about his private life as we live in different towns but he is a very sweet and most of the travelling effort is put in by him. (I don't have an ex here to leave my child with so usually its easier he come to me)(he has brought his ds to us before). Yesterday he told me he should have loved to come the weekend (he has the whole weekend off) but was skint, so I nipped to the bank and put money to his account (I said I would) for the fare. He then called midday and told me he has to go and pick up his new aupair guy from London and would call me later. He called again at 5' and said he can't make it, he's not even home yet from London. (As he works a lot he needs an aupair that he and his ex pay for jointly).
I got up early and cycled to the bank and put in cash that I didn't really have... I feel so f'ing annoyed. I feel he must have known about this before so why bother. Am I being unreasonable? He says he'll be here tomorrow but gut feeling says he won't. Why bother I say to myself.. I am constantly in a waiting position (since Friday last) and its getting to me. We talk long term and he says he adores and loves me but all this cagey 'unable to stick to plans' behaviour of late is getting me down. Whenever I talk about it he puts me at ease and I end up wondering why I moan, LOL. I'm not some spring chicken with no experience with men, and he always assures me theres nothing to worry about, but I just feel so sh*t about this today. I've cooked him lovely food and got a bottle of wine cooling... Ugh.... another lonely Saturday night. I can't go there as have no car... and dd has invited her friend to sleep over... do I sound unreasonable to be upset?

[NotABanana]

No, age doesn't stop you being upset but it sounds like you aren't the priority to him he is to you.

[cocolepew]

I'd stop putting money into his account. But I'm naturally suspicious.

[Kally]

I guess that's the implication, but how do I say that to him in a calm, controlled way. I don't want to over prioritize him, but I do, I know, and just lately theres been too many let-downs. I felt so frustrated last time and he knew he was pushing the tolerance line and desperately talked that it was not a thing to finish over, (things were sometimes out of his control). He's not a 'verbal discuss everything in detail so I get the picture sort of person'...(LOL like most men) and very often doesn't understand why I get insecure. But I feel like saying something to him to not sound whiney and meemawish but to show him that he shouldn't take my leniency for granted.

[BecauseImWorthIt]

Stop bailing him out financially for a start.

Then I think you need to sit down with him the next time you see him and have a calm, clinical conversation about your relationship and make it clear how you feel about this.

I think you both need to agree where your relationship is going and what the rules/boundaries are.

[Kally]

Cocolepew: I only put in the fare... he has helped me before as well, its only a now and then thing..

[Kally]

We have talked and it took me a long time to unravel to him as just been through a long nasty marriage/divorce so was very wary and he was very persitent for months. I DO think his intentions are to be together as we have discussed (its not possible right now, kids schools and his ex away on training so he has full child care) and he intends to move in at some point but we are taking it at a no pressure pace.. we are serious about one another - really - but this is just pure 'taking for granted isn't it'? I want a nice slick sentence to say how I feel like feeding his spicey fish bake I so lovingly prepared to my two moggies...

[littlewoman]

Kally, last time I drove to London it took me 8 hours to get their and back. I live 45 minutes away from the place. It was all traffic jams, road works and getting lost. Nightmare. One of the worst trips of my life. Just trying to balance the picture. Hoping the best for you as a couple.

[cocolepew]

Oh ok. I thought you might be bankrolling him.

See? Suspicious

[Kally]

Am I being unreasonable then? London traffic? (He went by train to pick up guy from Waterloo then back home to Reading) I haven't got anyone unbiased to discuss this with, and sometimes when you are so looking forward you tend to get selfish when it doesn't work out. He said he will come tomorrow, (I already in my head think he won't)...I am also very suspicious in nature and when I feel loved I tend to be selfless (and eat sh*t in the end). thinks me... maybe he needed the money to get to London to get the guy (and not to come to me)... oh suspicious minds play havok on the uncertain heart...

[NotABanana]

When I first met my now husband it used to take over 2 hours for him to get to my flat. We used to see each other once in the week and then at the weekend. Once he started studying for his exams it was just for one day and night at the weekend. He always paid his fare to come to me and I provided dinner. He would bring a bottle of wine and some crisps/chocs.

You can't ever come first with him as he has a child but it did cross my mind that he might have another woman.

[littlewoman]

I don't think you're being unreasonable. You've been horribly disappointed because you wanted to see him, so naturally you're going to be upset that he hasn't made it.
I'd wait and see if he turns up tomorrow if I were you. You're in a great rush to 'prove' he doesn't really love you Give yourself a break. ((()))

[Kally]

Awwww... my heads gone there too. But I really don't think so, he's too sweet on me and calls every day, online in the eves etc... he's a very moralistic sort, goes to church etc I don't think he's soooo caniving ...he just needs a good telling off I think but I want it sharp and meaningful...
Notabanan: I understand about not coming first and am ok with that, thts one of the things I admire about him.. perhaps I am being over sensitive and should accomodate..? See nothing like talking a thing out... but I still want to make it clear it seems fuzzy all this planning and then this all important situation of aupair being sprung outta the blue. A person would know that surely???? (That he had to go get aupair)...

[Kally]

Well tomorrows here and he doesn't seem to be coming... ah well, nothing like a reality check. OMG I feel so empty at the thought of what this implies...time to reach in a find those inner resources. Are there any left?