The shit is about to hit the fan and I need advice on how to handle this and not make it worse

[pretendingtobesomeonelse]

Dp was taking dd to a party,he couldn't find SAT NAV so tried to remember the route.
Got lost so phoned me yellling down the phone, I gave him directions and he found it.

He has just phoned really angry as the party is tomorrow. He is on his way back and I feel like I am going to throw up as he will blame me and it will turn into a row.

[Freckle]

Just stay really calm and explain that you were mistaken about the date, that you didn't give him the wrong date deliberately. Then just walk away from any further displays of childish tantrums.

[Molesworth]

Oh dear. It's the sort of farcical situation that I'd laugh about tbh. Does he often overreact about things?

[scorpio1]

how awful you feel so scared of him to feel sick.

keep calm, say what you have to.

[twinsetandpearls]

He is under a lot of pressure at the moment, we both are and his temper flares.

[twinsetandpearls]

This is just pathetic I am sat here shaking watching for the car pullling up.

[twinsetandpearls]

So much for hiding who I am!

[scorpio1]

but you havent done anything wrong, its a mistake.

can you go out, now

[bohemianbint]

Can you go out? Or if that would annoy him, you and dd go straight out when she gets back, maybe give him time to calm down?

[twinsetandpearls]

Not really he will know why i have gone out and will get more angry.

I am an equal adult in this house and feel bloody angry that I am considering vacating my own house to avoid a row.

[Freckle]

But it was his satnav which got him lost and he started shouting then. the fact that it was the wrong date was secondary to that. Who told him the date? Did he check the invitation himself?

[Doodle2U]

That was rubbish name changing T&P but it made me laugh!

I agree with Freckle. DO NOT enter into a discussion but equally, DO NOT stand there taking shit off him. Walk away, into the garden or grab car keys and take you and DD out for half an hour. Let him shout at himself!

[squishy]

Hope it's OK, breathe - we all make mistakes

[twinsetandpearls]

Yes maybe if dd and I go to the gym togther.

She will be upset as well, her friend came round to do her hair and we made a card.

God knows what the family think of us.
I told dd she couldn't go to the party as we are skint at the moment and I thought we could not spare the money for a present, card etc. Dd told her friend sho told the mum who sent me a lovely note saying please come without a gift.

I got a gift in the end and then we come on the wrong day

[twinsetandpearls]

I make myself laugh Doodle2U

[twinsetandpearls]

Unfortuanatley my little foyballs (sp? but you know what I mean!) that amuse me and others really wind dp up.

[twinsetandpearls]

If I grab the car keys that will cause a row I can;t drive

[twinsetandpearls]

DD said saturday, she spilt something on the invite so the date wasn't clear. I texted mum about coming but couldn't have mentioned that we were going to turn up on the wrong day.

I am so shit, she had an extra long easter holiday this year as I got the dates wrong.

[binkleandflip]

in your profession too!! only kidding

[Klaw]

try pre-empting by apologising for the wrong date, say how annoying that the sat nav was unavailable, congratulate him on trying to find it anyway (so at least now he knows for tomorrow) and commisserate with how frustrated he must have been feeling, thank him profusely for taking dd to the party. Make it all about him, offer him a beer, rub his shoulders and generally don't come over as feeling in the wrong but as the understanding wife who tries to soothe.

Do you think that'll work?

[scorpio1]

get a calendar for next time & tell dh you are going to avoid this again

[Doodle2U]

• OK, leave the car keys. Just don't stand there and let him rant for more than 2 minutes. That's his max - 2 minutes. Then bugger off out or upstairs or the shed!

And keep looking at your watch whilst he's nagging. That'll put him off his stride!

"Foibles" (I think)

[twinsetandpearls]

We have a calendar, complete with the wrong date written on it

[Spero]

I have been in this situation many times and I think i can only advise what NOT to do - I'd start trying to be all reasonable and say 'I'm sorry, it was a mistake, i'm sorry you're upset but it's not that big a deal...' he would carry on being angry, I would get angry and hysterical that he couldn't see what a nasty arse he was being, it would often end up with me in tears... he would never, ever apologise and I would just feel like shit.

So i guess the moral of this is; don't let it escalate, it takes two to do that. Try and stay calm, if you think you are going to get angry and upset say that you are going to take some time out and you will discuss it later if it is still important.

Sorry to hear you are going thru this. I remember reading about a women saying that she knew her husband really loved her when she started blending food without putting a lid on the blender, it was all over the ceiling... and when her husband came in, he just started laughing and helped her clean it up.

My ex would have ranted and raved for days if something like that had happened.

Unless there are mitigating circs, like real stress in job/with family/health etc, I think you learn an awful lot about a person by the way they react to trivial upsets.

hope it goes ok.

[twinsetandpearls]

I know binkle everyone found it very funny. The daft thing was while dd was skiving with permission I was phoning parents wanting to know why there kids were not in school!

Panic over he has phoned and said sorry, we are working through some issues at the moment.

Although he has called ito the estate agents and I think they have abosorbed the brunt of his temper.

[twinsetandpearls]

Things are not great and that first paragraph describes our relationship.

But we are trying to work through it and have been to counselling. Things are very stressful at home as we are moving. But that is not an excuse dp has a temper and he has acknowledged that and needs to address it. I also have allowed this to happen though.