Not talking to parents-but they are sending DD a present

[bratnav]

Fell out with my Dad in a big way via email around a month ago. I specifically said that after the way I (and DP) had been treated I didn't want any more contact from him, however if Mum would like to see the DDs, she was welcome to call me to arrange whenever she liked. Not sure if Mum got this message.

Mum has since contacted exH to try and arrange to see the DDs when they are at his for the weekend as they live in the same town. I had told exH that I didn't want that to happen when they were with him, but to tell Mum that she could see them when they were with me, just please call. He said that he understood, would respect my wishes and had told her to call me.

So now 2 wweeks later I have still had no call, but my sister has called to say that she and her partner (who both have nothing to do with the arguement) are coming to DD1s birthday party, and are bringing a present from my Mum.

Is it ok for me just to get DD1 to write her a nice thank you letter?

[NotABanana]

Of course. There is no argument between your DD and your mum and tbh as someone with no family and a small in-law family I would sort it out. Life is too short.

[cazboldy]

yes why not?

[kayzisexpecting]

Is there any chance of you making up? If so yoou caould maybe ring them and get your DD to speak to them.

If not then yes that sounds fine.

Happy Birthday to your DD.

[Dragonbutter]

Why not invite your mum?

[kayzisexpecting]

My typing has really gone to pot this morning.

'you could'

[bratnav]

No chance of us making it up, my Dad has convinced himself that I am the cause of all his problems, and basically thinks I am the devil. Mum is quite a weak character and has always gone with whatever he has said, so she probably wouldn't accept a call from my number anyway.

I would love for it all to be ok, but I don't see my Dad changing his mind. The emails were after a last ditch attempt to sort things out visit to them, where we were ignored from the second we arrived. DP and I tried really hard, but any attempts at conversation were brushed aside and we sat there in silence (except the DDs) for an hour before we gave up and left.

[sagacious]

I have very similar
They send a cheque in the post (they live abroad) I send a photo and thankyou card from the dc's.

[kayzisexpecting]

Thats a shame. I think a letter from DD to your mum will be fine.

[Dragonbutter]

bratnav - i like your name btw
relationships in our family are strained like this too, so wasn't suggesting you just patch things up or anything like that.
it just strikes me from your posts that you maybe haven't spoken directly to your mum to see where your relationship is at.
she's obviously not wanting to cut all contact. maybe you could have a relationship with her only?

[bratnav]

Thanks dragonbutter.

It just seems to me that she only wants a relationship with the girls and not me, hence contacting my ex to see them, which is just not possible.

I thought that I had been fairly reasonable in specifically saying that she could call me to arrange to meet and see the girls, but instead of doing that she has tried to cut me out of the situation, which suggests to me (perhaps wrongly) that she still has lots of issues with me, which knowing what she is like, she would not be able to stop herself talking about to/in front of the DDs, which is just not on.

I don't particularly want her out of my life forever, she has some good points too, and she is after all my Mum.