ok, I am a mumsnet regular but I've changed my name as dp may snoop
I think I'm going to leave him, not right now i'm not strong enough for that but I'm starting to realize what a complete twat he is at times.
He is a complete control freak with money. I don't know why, only that he has got us into a tangled mess with debt, we have no money from week to week as we both don't work. He can't stick at a job for longer than 8 months for various reasons although he does job hunt when he feels like it. Before I met him I was a single parent who had a decent 9in my eyes) job and it paid well, me and the kids were never short and we were happy. Then we met, everything great at first. Then I got pg with my 3rd child and he ended up leaving his job because I had pg problems (and his general twatness).
I ended up leaving my job too which I shouldn't have done but he put me in a position where I felt I had no choice. He was crap at looking after the my first kids as he kept falling asleep (on nights) I worked in the day.
He has stolen hundreds of pounds in the past from my credit card account and my current account leaving me in horrendous debt and thats just the tip of the iceberg. He doesn't have a bank account so he puts his jobseekers in mine and he knows my pin and hides my cards from me. He controls EVERYTHING to do with money. He won't even let me go and get gas or electric. I've just got up now and hunted for them and I can't find his wallet anywhere. He leaves us short of money everyweek.
I had to take ds to the dentist by bus tues morning and he refused to give me any more than 4 pounds which wasn't enough to get us back to the school, so I had to walk a ile out of my way to get myself ds and dd2 on another cheaper bus.
I used to be so confident before I met him and now he has worn me down that much.
He isn't violent unless you include punching doors but he is emotionally abusive. He contantly reminds me that I'm a shit mum like his ex and I need tio have my money controlled. I have spoken to his ex a fair bit and she said he was like it with her but she had the courage to go but she was only just 18 with two little babies and she went and moved in the her mum. Not an option with me.
I feel battered because I lost my dad a year ago and now my nan is ill and my mum is the only person I have got and she really couldn't cope with all this.
He is lovely at times and very loving and good with dd2 but crap at times with my other kids and pretty much ignores his own when they are here (we have them every week)
Please I know you are all going to say dump him NOW but I haven't got the strength, I just need to know how to prepare myself for the future, i just don't know how to go about it. I still love him but I'm realistic.
I don't think he will ever change because we argue he promises never to hide my cards again then the next day they are hidden.
the house in in my tenancy.
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If you are planning to leave, not now but perhaps sometime in the future then how do go about it??
11 replies
seenthelight · 13/06/2008 02:56
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