How often do you have sex when you have a baby?

[Naetha]

Apologies for the personal nature of this thread! Mind if I just do a quick straw poll?

How often would you expect to have sex, and how often would you actually have sex if you had a baby under say 1 year old who isn't sleeping through the night yet? What's good going? What's a lot to ask for?

[MrsJonnyDepp]

As little as possible!

[Twelvelegs]

We had sex every other day, if not more, after our first but we had a 'good' sleeper. Our sex life resumed after 3 weeks and I had a c section. When we had a baby that cried nearly all of it's waking mo sex was not so frequent .

[Twelvelegs]

waking mo, waking time

[Goober]

People with babies have sex?

[maidamess]

I read your OP as 'How often do you have sex when you are a baby?'

I must get to bed earlier tonight....

[princessglitter]

Once since dd2 (8 month) was born!

[Sanctuary]

Still waiting

[HaventSleptForAYear]

About twice a week (obviously after a few weeks "healing).

This is despite DH sleeping in the spare room for months (terrible reflux sleeper).

I don't consider us as having a particularly exciting or full-on sex life - once or twice a week seems like a minimum to keep "contact" imo.

DS2 only started sleeping through recently (16mths).

Afternoon naps are lovely

[strawberriesandcream01]

Our sex life resumed after 2 weeks of both our DD's. Twice a week was about average for us. Now it's once or twice a week as DP works abroard in the week.

[Naetha]

I guess DH isn't being unreasonable then in expecting it at least once a week. It's just the thing I'm least in the mood for, most of all last thing at night. Having a painful bladder condition doesn't help, but I suppose I am prioritising other things above it.

[Mummyfor3]

Oh dear, last time we had sex we made DS3 who is now 11 weeks old.... . You do the maths. Please somebody tell me this is not some sort of sad record!

Having said that with 3 DS under 5 I am not unhappy about the state of affairs - just hoping he is not having one (DH, not DS, obviously)..

[MamaFormerlyKnownAsGlam]

Most nights. And I have a nearly 8 year old DD and a 15 week DS

[mum2oandh]

ha ha ha

never

dd 15 weeks, is that bad?

[MissingMyHeels]

Oh hurrah Glam - thought I was alone in still having a high sex drive with a little baby reading through this thread. Most days here too.

[MamaFormerlyKnownAsGlam]

count on the March mums for a lot of slap and tickle

[2point4kids]

We have a toddler who sleeps well and a 3 month old who is up in the night.
We have sex about once a fortnight on average I'd say. Too tired and stressed the rest of the time!

Naetha - if there are valid 'reasons' why you are off sex so much then you AND Dh need to sort those out before he can demand it more often.
If you are too tired then he could help you get more sleep - help in the night/look after kids so you can have anap in the day
Tell him that you will always be too tired late at night so try and make time together earlier in the evenings or in the mornings
If your bladder condition means sex is painful then he shouldnt be demanding anything! If he had a condition that made sex painful for him would you insist on weekly sessions regardless?

[joash]

Take my advice - do it as often as you can now whilst they are young. It actually becomes more difficult as the DC's get older.

[joash]

especially when they sleep in the attic and knock on their floor telling you to "Keep it down a bit" when they are supposed to be sleeping

[DazedEmma]

Glam and MMH, can I just ask, seems as though we past personal posts ago, do you have good sex? Or routine sex?

Have either of you lost confidence in the bedroom? I'm scared once baby is here, if my body isn't great afterwards, i.e. stretchmarks, I'll feel lots less likely to have sex.

[MissingMyHeels]

We have good sex, we have more quickies than we used to but that's no bad thing. Not routine at all, no real difference to pre baby sex life really and have to a bit more imaginative due to time restraints/tiredness.

I sometimes feel a bit ick about my tummy and avoid mirrors these days when naked but I am losing weigh now (9lbs this week, yay!) so getting more and more confident.

After the birth I really wanted to have sex loads to be really close to DP as I felt so euphoric about having a baby [vomit] I think it's impossible to tell how you will feel and will depend on your birth, baby (I have a good sleeper) and how much your DP does around the house.

[MamaFormerlyKnownAsGlam]

It's better than ever. Honestly. We don't have the full works every night but we do usually have what I call Sexy Time . I feel even closer to DP since having his son. Emotionally sex is better, even though my body is pretty dodgy these days. Tbh, I've never been slim whilst being with DP so I guess the post pregnancy body is not such an issue for us. As regards to fears about wizard's sleeve fanjos, I've had one vaginal birth and one C section so although I'm no nubile 18 year old, everything still works.
I'd second what Joash says, do it now if you can. And the more you do it, the more exercise you get, you can tone up the vaginal muscles and more importantly, you retain the bond of intimacy which is invaluable during those first hard weeks.But, and this is a big but, I only have sex when I want to and obviously if you don't want it, don't have it. Try something else instead, ask your DH to rub your shoulders or stroke your hair. I think it's very important to do things with your significant other that you don't do with anyone else. It doesn't have to be sex, just something that is about you two being together.
One last thing, I find that if I'm sitting on the fence (ie not really sure if I'm up for it)I'll just see what happens. It's amazing what a well placed hand or mouth can do to get you going.
Hope I haven't overloaded you with my very personal sex life details there. Apologies if I have.

[MamaFormerlyKnownAsGlam]

Part of post was missing....

Alarm bells rang a little when you talked about DH "expecting" sex once a week. Expectation can feel like pressure to the other person. That is definitely not cool.

Does your bladder condition give you grief during sex? Because if that's the case, everything else is irrelevant. Pain and sex = finding different routes to express your sexuality and desire for each other.

[DazedEmma]

Aww thanks girls this has reassured me a lot! I know am going to get stretch marks, I can just tell. I just don't want them to get in the way of my sex life.

Not that I have a sex partner at the minute like! Oh dear, lol

[DazedEmma]

Congrats on your weight loss MMH!