why does he avoid me

[namechange789]

I have cahnged my name because I'm really embarressed about talking about this but really need to get some advice.

My DP and I have been together for 2 years, We both had kids from previous relationships but we all get on fab and are in genral a normal happy family.

This is going to sound like I'm being silly but for the last few months my DP has avoided going to bed with me, I don't mean sex, I mean He always has to stay up later than me even if I go up really late. I use to love us going to bed and having those little chats you have before going to sleep. I have asked him to come up with me but there is always something he wants to watch on the tele. I've tried staying up really late but he still doesn't come with me. I've asked him if he's avoiding me or something but he just dismisses it, saying that he's just not ready to coem to bed when i do.

I don't want to sound all pathetic and clingy, It would be just nice even if it was only once every few weeks but I miss him!

What would you think? i'm getting paranoid that he's going off me

[Alexa808]

Hmmm, are there any other bits that have changed in your relationship? You know, small things you used to do together or for each other.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Sneak down ten minutes after he thinks you're asleep. I reckon he's wanking on t'internet.

[namechange789]

I can't see anything else that has changed really, I've put a lot of weight on recently and i don't know if thats making him not want to be close to me, we do still have sex but its not that often, usually in the morning if he wakes up feeling in the mood. I keep thinking maybe he has met someone else

[namechange789]

old lady, we have been getting through a lot of tissues lately

[Tortington]

yep wanking to t'internet seconded

[moopymoo]

my first thought was porn or something too.

[jette]

Personally I need to spend at least half an hour on my own per day - I get up early so i can potter around, make breakfast, hum to myself etc.. maybe he's the same?

[memoo]

jette, He does have a very stressy job and does seem a bit uptight sometimes when he gets home. so maybe it is just that he needs a bit of 'me time'. Maybe i'm a bit paranoid, but i had such a bad first marriage its almost like i'm waiting for something to go wrong

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

I think you just "outed" yourself there.

I doubt whether your weight gain will have anything to do with it tbh, men who are bothered by that aren't generally shy of letting you know.

But if he's stressed, he may also be having difficulty sleeping and not want to keep you awake with his fidgeting. Could be that a wank is just what he needs to feel sleepy? And while sex would do that too, sometimes you just can't be bothered with another person, iyswim.

Talk to the man.

[HereComeTheGirls]

My DH does the same, because he wants time to himself as he is stressed at work. I have got used to it and go to bed and read a book and have some time to MYSELF

[jette]

Could you spy on him? Or wait for half and hour and 'remember' to get something from the living room (or wherever he is)? Its a bit naughty but it'll put your mind to rest - and it does seem like its probably something pretty harmless..

[memoo]

oops about outing myself I'm a bit o a dope really! wouldn't make a very good spy would i.

Herecome, that does make me feel better to hear That your DH is the same. My DP has never given me any reason to suspect he's doing anything wrong but I think i'm going to have to take your advice jette, just to put my mind at rest.

Oldlady, I hope you're right about the weight not being an issue. wouldn't mind too much if he was having the odd wank, I kind of know that its jsut what men do

Thanks for all the advice ladies x

[theBOD]

i do this myself with my gf and it really has nothing to do with her.
i've always been very outgoing and had lots of friends so it's not an anti-social thing, it's more that i just feel i need an hour or so to myself at the end of the day to completely chill out, and that will relax me more than the hour of sleep i am giving up.

[memoo]

thanks for that Bod, Its good to hear it from the other side. Think I'm a little insecure at the mo anyway, not feeling great about my weight etc

[Dawn2820]

i think all mean are the same, it is very annoying and i know what he gets upto i have caught him loads, and guess what he still denies it lol

[girlnextdoor]

Is he too tired for sex at night and this is his way of avoiding you and IT?

Is it easier for him to be aroused in the mornings?

he might be suffering from impotence cos of the stress- it is one reason that men avoid going to bed at the same time.