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Funeral dilema (long sorry!)

5 replies

brightwell · 16/12/2007 21:47

It's my Nan's funeral this week, the dilema is, 3 years ago my Mum's husband roughly manhandled/ physically abused my 6yr old ds. I'm totally reliant on my Mum babysitting for me while I go to work. Since that day ds has not been back to their house, she comes to my house & looks after dc here. I've never really had a explanation to what happened exactly and we've never had an apology. We have no contact with Mum's husband, several times she's suggested we go over to thiers. That's not going to happen! He's going to the funeral and I'm dreading having to see him. Don't know what to say to him, if anything.

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mylittleponey · 16/12/2007 21:49

you don't have to say anything - it's your nan's funeral and if you don't want to chat you don't have to. He has to respect that as it's your family.

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frostythesnowmum · 16/12/2007 21:50

Just be polite. Not the time or the place to discuss the past but he may well bring it up if he does then you can ask all your questions but if not leave it.
Sorry that your Nan has died I hope the day goes well.

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ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 16/12/2007 21:50

The funeral is about your Nan-not him so keep it focussed as such. By that I mean don't allow him to draw you into any dialogue about what happened, the last thing you want is an argument.

He should be the one worrying about it..... maybe he will approach you to apologise.

Sorry for your loss and I hope it goes as well as it can do.

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TEUCHywithallthetrimmings · 16/12/2007 21:53

This was similar to my situatio recently - not speaking to family member and coming up to major family occasions (wedding in this case).

Either explain to your mum beforehand that you are not happy for that day to be the day that things are forced forward in any way, and you would like if her DH and you could all just give each other space.

You could always add the possibility that you could start 'talks' after that if possible.

Or, go to the funeral and be gracious, but be very clear as soon after the fact as you can that it does not change your stance.

I am assuming thatyour mum is aware of how delicate the situation is?

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brightwell · 16/12/2007 22:03

Thanks for the advise, making me feel better already. My feelings on the situation are it's been over 3 years, the man is an alchoholic pig, I don't feel it's neccesary to ever have contact with him. At times I've asked ds if he misses going to his Nan's, he does but doesn't want to see her husband again.