Bloody hell. Help me to get over this, please! It's driving me insane

[ohmywordwhatamess]

I am a reg with a name change as I know some people on here in RL

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I went out with some friends and got terribly drunk. We were out in a group, which included a bloke I have had a bit of a crush on for years, but nothing more.

So at the end of the night he walked me home because we live fairly close to one another. We were both quite pissed by this point. He kissed me, and I kissed him back, and he told me that he had been wanting to do that since he met me.

However, here's the sticking point, he is married and so am I. I love my DH and my DDs and I don't want to do anything to jeopardise it. But I can't stop thinking about this man. I have only had limited contact with him since (it was about 3 weeks ago)and neither of us have mentioned it, apart from he made some kind of test-the-water sort of comment when I saw him last Saturday, where I just changed the subject swiftly. I have no interest in an affair or anything like that, but I keep imagining me and him together.

DH and I have a good relationship, and as far as I am aware this man is happy with his wife and kids. I feel incredibly guilty about what happened, but at the same time I get al butterfly-ey (is that a word?) at the thought of him.

Please tell me how to get over it!!!!!

[crokky]

keep it as a fantasy?

[ohmywordwhatamess]

I feel like it's gone beyond that though
I can't stop thinking about it

[onepieceoflollipop]

keep away from him, and be careful in future about drinking around him if there is a risk you may do something you may regret.

Some of us are more "easily swayed" than others, so don't even put yourself in that position. (especially if alcohol is involved).

[BBBee]

so so so agree crocky - it needs to stay on the fantasy level. It so does. Honestly. It is not worth it. Simple.

[BBBee]

IT HAS NOT GONE BEYOND THAT

did you hear me - did I shout loud enough?

[crokky]

oh and no more alcohol around this man

[Islamum]

I would have it as a nice memory, you were drunk, you made a human mistake, if your dh doesn't find out no harm done. This does however rely on this bloke not saying anything...

[kd73]

Ok so you went a little overboard with the window shopping.

Unless you want to destroy your marriage, steer clear of this man until the feelings start to abate.

[onepieceoflollipop]

"I love my DH...and don't want to do anything to jeopardise it" - really??

I am not judging you but from the perspective of someone who has been cheated on, (NOT by my DH) I can tell you it rips your life apart and destroys all trust in a relationship. Imagine if your dh read this or knew what had happened. If you can't trust yourself then keep away...

[ohmywordwhatamess]

I'm not normally easlily swayed though

I have never been unfaithful to anyone in my life.

It's also impossible to avoid him too tbh, as we mix with the same people quite often

[ohmywordwhatamess]

I don't think he would say anything.

I hope not anyway.

Why the fuck have I got myself in this mess?

How can I stop thinking about it?

[janeite]

Sounds like it's time to try and arrnage a lovely night out with dh and show him how much you love him; get some of the magic back. I think it's only human for the grass to sometimes appear a bit greener but everybody is right - it's just a fantasy. And it hasn't really gone beyond anything - you'd both had a few drinks, you kissed - that's all.

[ohmywordwhatamess]

and I have been cheated on too, which is why I am gutted I have done this.

I was drunk, but it's no excuse.

The thought of hurting DH absolutely fills me with horror.

[BBBee]

howwould you feel if your dp had done the same with another woman and not stopped thinking about her?

(genuine question)

[onepieceoflollipop]

You don't have to avoid him in a group, just be very careful about being with him alone or in a position where "something" may happen.

tbh(and apologies if this is not the case) it sounds as if you want someone to say that it will probably be ok and you should go ahead and enjoy yourself.

He may have less to lose than you. Some men (and women) mess around in relationships. Sometimes it can seem exciting and glamorous. For their partners it can be devastating.

[janeite]

Meant "arrange" a night out, sorry. It's only as big a mess as you want to make it - you just need to try and forget about it. Picture him in ten year's time sulking in front of the football or something; or moaning about writing 6 labels like another thread tonight!!!

[onepieceoflollipop]

Great advice from janeite.

Focus on what you do have with your dh, and invest some time in your relationship.

[ohmywordwhatamess]

I don't want the go ahead to throw caution to the wind.

I want to know how I can stop thinking about what happened before I go mental

If DP did the same to me I would be gutted

[ohmywordwhatamess]

FWIW, I feel much better having "told" someone what happned.

I am the sort of person that can't keep anything like this to myself

I love DH, and that's what I will concentrate on. This man will remain as a friend, nothing more. DH and I are going out on Friday, which will help, as we don't do it very often.

I also think part of it is that it felt so nice to be desired, and I have put on a lot of weight recently and feel about as attractive as a binbag full of leftovers (still no excuse for what I did though)

[mistletoemiggins]

I think having been on the other side (my ex left for OW affair when I found out & kicked him out) that marriage is hard and especially with little ones.....accept that maybe something is missing in your marriage (if it wasnt u wouldnt have kissed drunk or not) and try to work on that

dont beat urself up - but be positive about ur husband & try to rekindle the excitement

[ohmywordwhatamess]

You are right miggins

I think I just need to keep myself busy and tell myself that this too shall pass.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Most of us at times (talking partly to myself here) would benefit from trying to rekindle the excitement at times, and focus on each other. Time for each other (having a laugh, having sex and all the stuff you did pre-children) can fade into the background and then we can become vulnerable to situations like you stumbled into.

It's so easy to drift on doing all the mundane stuff and talking about the chidren etc, so I sympathise. Hope you have a fab night out (and maybe an early night too)

[onepieceoflollipop]

children not chidren

[Monkeytrousers]

Channel that erotoc emotion into DH!

It's good to have a frisson at times - me and DP were just talking about this last night - and natural. But if you take it that step further you know you are just being a twat, frankly. If, your relationship is as good as you say it is anyway. So get over it! Use it for what it is, but don't make it something it isn't! IYSWIM ?

[Monkeytrousers]

"How can I stop thinking about it? "

Time - let it pass. You will feel so stupid for feeling all schoolgirly. But it's a crush - not love. Really, happiness does not lie that way, only misery for lots and lots of people