Can't help feeling bitter

[Size10InTraining]

I know this is going to sound petty but I need to write it down and hopefully get opinions.

At the moment my mum is having trouble with my younger sister (13). And she keeps referring back to my childhood and commenting on how I was never any bother and was always a good kid "until I hit my teens".

I feel bitter because I believe I could've done so much better with some support.

My mum re-married when I was 11 and me and him never got on. Ok maybe I was "difficult" but he was extremely immature, would argue with me, do stupid things to wind me up (like turn the tv over when I was watching something), he'd put junk in my room (like an old fridge) as it "had nowhere else to go" and he was delibrately awkward with me to set me off which I always got the blame for.

If ever we did have a good day he would ruin it on purpose. Like one time we went to York on a day out and we'd had a great day, all got on briliantly and then on the way home I was singing along to a song that came on the radio and he went mad saying I was giving him headache etc and it turned into a huge row where he grabbed me by my coat and threatened me as soon as we got out of the car.

But aside from that I WAS a good kid. I had an interest in karate but nobody would help me find a club so at the age of 14 I sought one out myself, took myself along to a class at the local leisure centre and joined up but it was a long walk in a dodgy area and nobody ever offered to take me or pick me up. Still I carried on with it, graded by myself and everything until eventually I gave it up because I was threatened one night on the way home by a group of older teenagers. Nobody cared that I had given it up but I have regretted it ever since and long to go back (I intend to straight after christmas).

At the age of 15 I got myself a voluntary job at a kennels as I wanted to work with animals when I left school but again nobody would support me. I had to walk for an hour to get there by 8am on a saturday morning but I went for months...eventually I gave it up because of the walk during winter.

I'm just feeling a bit fed up. I couldve been so much better, when I read threads on here about nightmare teens (no offense anyone) and I think back to how I was...I mean how many 14 year olds would go out and join a club off their own back, get themselves there and back, grade with no support and actually stick to it?

How many 15 year olds would go out and get a job which they didnt get paid for which saw them walking for an hour so early on a saturday morning?

I got no help or support at all with my exams, I wanted guitar lessons but they wouldnt pay for them so I tried to teach myself but couldnt, then they winged that I never played on the guitar that they bought me.

Its good in one way because I'm determined to do things differently with my kids but when I look back I think "I couldve been so good". It hurts me so much when the family now say "god you were a nightmare when you were a teenager" because really, I wasnt.

Has anyone else got any experience of this kind of thing?

[sfxmum]

did not want to leave it unanswered
you sound like a strong person despite lack of support
don't let them drag you down
be kind to yourself and get support from people who actually care
good luck