I feel like a failure

[pricklybells]

I feel so stupid for writing this because I know that everyone has problems not just me.

I feel that everything is getting on top of me and I'm finding it hard to cope.

I guess the main worry is money and because I'm so stressed out about this, all of our other smaller problems that normally wouldn't worry me are really starting to get to me.

Basically we don't have a lot of money and this normally isn't a problem as we manage to get by. Recently however we've just had lots of big things to pay out for all in one go, all the bills seem to be coming in at once and we are struggling to keep up. Some weeks we haven't been able to afford to buy food and are living on a diet of pasta and beans on toast.

We're all healthy enough and I know this is something we've just got to do for now.

I think whats worrying me most are my dc's. I feel like such a failure to them. We've only been able to afford to buy them a couple of small presents each for Christmas. My ds starts school after Christmas and I honestly don't think I'll be able to afford to buy him school shoes.

At this time of year we're being asked out for meals with friends and have to continuously turn them down, everyones talking about Christmas shopping and what their buying their children, we all desperately need new clothes so at least with Christmas coming up I've been able to tell family to buy dc's the clothes that they need as their presents. I feel like I'm walking around looking like a complete scruff.

My Dh is working hours and hours of overtime but it doesn't seem to make any difference. And because of the hours he's working he just falls asleep in the evenings (he starts work at 5am), I don't think we've had a proper conversation for weeks and our sex life has gone out the window with his energy levels.

I did ask dh if it would be possible for him to try and stay awake for one or two evenings a week just so we could catch up with each other but he got really cross with me and said he was tired etc because of all the overtime so how could I expect him not to fall asleep.

I feel really anxious all the time and have been having panic attacks. GP has referred me for counselling. I just feel like the biggest let down as a mum and a wife.

[YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch]

How can you describe yourself as a let down? Reading that all I could think was how this woman is holding together exceptionally well under very difficult circumstances. You should be proud of yourself. Try to find time on DH's day off to explain that you simply wanted some time where you could be there for each other. Things will get better.

You're doing a fantastic job! x

[aWorminaManger]

I also think you should be proud of yourself: you and your husband are working so hard for your family. Don't worry about the presents: a couple of small gifts and a good, happy family day are all that you need for Christmas. The rest is irrelevant.

Very best wishes,

[funnypeCOOLYULEiar]

Sounds like you're doing a great job. How old are the dcs? Uf not school age yet, they probably aren't into the manic present-comparing stage yet -mine aren't really that othered about present value yet - there are lots of other cheap ways to make Christmas feel special

[pricklybells]

Dd is 8 and dc is 4. The present thing wouldn't normally bother me but dc's are going to stay with their father(my exdh) on boxing day for a few days and every year dd comes home and says how they've been spoilt and how they had loads more presents at "daddy's" than they got here. So what are they going to say this year?

Ex and his wife both have well paid full time jobs. I haven't been able to work full time because of dc's.

I feel like crap compared to my ex and I feel so guilty towards my dh because he's taken on so much (ie 2 kids that aren't his) and if he hadn't married me he could have been with someone else who had a full time job and he could have holidays, clothes money to spend on luxuries etc.

[jesuswhatnext]

been there, done that!

all i can say is this time will pass - it sounds like you have a good man, willing to work hard for your family, i bet you don't look like a bunch of scruffs at all (are the kids clean? sparkling i'm will to bet

so long as dcs have food, warmth and love they don't need much else. don't worry what others say they are spending, most of the time it will be a waste of money, totally unappreciated by spoilt little so-so's.

as for time with dh, again, this time will pass, what you describe is soooooo normal for just about everyone, just hang-on in there and try and do little things for him to show how much you care.

go to gp, just check you are simply not just run down, you may well not need ads at all

[goingfrigginchristmascrazy]

squeezes prickly echo everyone else and repeat that you should of proud yourself

I understand about anxiety I'm a fellow sufferer-have a peek at this site if you haven't already

www.nomorepanic.co.uk

I hope you get things sorted and back on keel with DH,maybe save a saturday night when children are tucked up and bed-make a lovely dinner and endulge in soothing massages and a bubble bath??...

[pricklybells]

GP won't prescribe ads at this stage ,has just referred my for counselling (although not really sure how this is going to help).

[pricklybells]

Thanx goingfriggin will check out that website.

Dc's are going to their fathers this weekend so will try out your idea on Sat night (thats if I can keep dh awake long enough!).

Dh doesn't seem to have enough energy in him lately to get "it" up (if you get what I mean). I'm feeling a bit rejected and unattractive whilst he just says its because he's tired! Maybe relaxing massage is just what is needed??