DH is one of the good guys by and large. Loyal, loving, funny and intelligent and finds me attractive, mostly a good dad. He also has his faults but so do I. I like him and I enjoy being with him most of the time. But I'm not in love with him. I don't want to have sex with him - for years I told myself it was because I was tired etc but now I'm not sure it is. I would be very happy with him as just a friend. I know that he wouldn't be happy like that and we do have sex regularly because it keeps our relationship on an even keel. It wasn't like this pre-kids.
I think that the simple fact is that I'm in love with my children. I have never felt this much love for any other person. They take up almost all of my love, time and energy. I never thought I would feel like this about kids. I feel devestated when I think about them growing up and leaving home. I'm breaking my heart over DS#2 starting school. I get most hostile to DH when he punishes the children too severely or shouts at them - even though I've been known to shout too. It drives me mad when he tries to imply that he and I are one side and the kids are on the other and we have to be strict with them. I hate it! It just makes me feel really cold towards him. I want us to be all on the same side - not the heavy-handed parents demanding instant compliance from cowed children.
I don't know if I'm making much sense. If I am, am I wrong? I feel quite sure that if we hang on in there it will change - maybe things will go back to the way they were. But meanwhile there are the children and I find it hard to see past them sometimes. Can a marriage survive that? Anyone else feel like this?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I think I've worked out what is wrong with my marriage.
OrmIrian · 28/08/2007 11:53
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