Need to vent so i don't get on the phone and blast my ex. I know his email password and had a nosey. Email from a female friend saying how he was a kind considerate person and from what she'd heard from his parents i wasn't very nice and he deserved much better basically it trashed me. i know I know I shouldn't have looked I just had an urge to see if he was applying for jobs. He's lost his job and despite just buying a brand new car for £9000 outright he is not able to pay maintenace I even had a letter from his solicitor saying he wouldn't be paying maintenace.
Despite not working he'll only see the kids a few hours a week and not on a saturday as he has his precious cricket. He is living at his parents at present but that doesn't stop him seeing his kids!
I'm so mad!!.....he treat me like garbadge yet everyone thought butter wouln't melt in his mouth and his parents hated me full stop so they will be in there element trashing me. How come I am still the bad guy and how come it still bothers me????? He was an ass who played mind games was so unreliable and who belittled me and yet because everyone thinks hes such a nice guy i'm sat here second guessing myself again! thinking it must have been me but I know it wasn't I stayd for 13 years tried everything I possibly could read every book went to counselling tried doing nothing none of it worked. Everything I did was wrong every idea I had about anything important or not was wrong everything I tried to do he sabotaged but would twist it round very cleverly and confusingly so that it was in the best interests or that it was never going to work and he proved himself right.
His family was the same so why am I so outraged at their negative views of me. His mother was so controling she caused me so much doubt in my own ability as a mother with my first child, when it came to my second I didn't care as much what they thought. His parents were awful, nice as long as I didn't have ideas of my own and that was the case with him too as soon as I had an idea of my own the mind games would start.
I must not look next time i get the urge, I must not look next time I get the urge, I must not look next time I get the urge, I must not look next time I get the urge!!!!
I still want to pick up thephone.....ok if I were speaking to him I would say....
'You can tell people what you want, you can tell them I'm the most evil person in the world but only me and you Know what really happend. Telling people any different just makes you out to be the low life you really are by not having the guts to take some rsponsibility thus proving I am better off without you piece of muck! Slating me to other people is not going to help at all as our boys still need a relationship with those that they have become close to in your family and what happens at birthdays and special events? as they will be the last people I would invite as I am not having people looking me up and down having a go at me on our childs day. I wanted this to be amicable but you have done everything in your power to turn things nasty. You have brought this all on yourself I once wished you happiness I now wish that you meet someone else and you do the same then people can start making up their own minds about the person you really are. My friends and family saw it a long time ago but I wouldn't listen I wanted it to work.....you didn't DESERVE me!'
Rant over I'm off to ikea to buy some bits and bobs for mine and boys new place and its lovely being able to breathe properly how cheesy huh but I can I can breathe and not worry about recriminations any more. I must not look next time I get the urge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Why did I look!! Having a rant so I don't make anothe mistake and pick up the phone GRRRRRRR
9 replies
Upsadaisy · 25/08/2007 10:21
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