My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Why did I look!! Having a rant so I don't make anothe mistake and pick up the phone GRRRRRRR

9 replies

Upsadaisy · 25/08/2007 10:21

Need to vent so i don't get on the phone and blast my ex. I know his email password and had a nosey. Email from a female friend saying how he was a kind considerate person and from what she'd heard from his parents i wasn't very nice and he deserved much better basically it trashed me. i know I know I shouldn't have looked I just had an urge to see if he was applying for jobs. He's lost his job and despite just buying a brand new car for £9000 outright he is not able to pay maintenace I even had a letter from his solicitor saying he wouldn't be paying maintenace.
Despite not working he'll only see the kids a few hours a week and not on a saturday as he has his precious cricket. He is living at his parents at present but that doesn't stop him seeing his kids!

I'm so mad!!.....he treat me like garbadge yet everyone thought butter wouln't melt in his mouth and his parents hated me full stop so they will be in there element trashing me. How come I am still the bad guy and how come it still bothers me????? He was an ass who played mind games was so unreliable and who belittled me and yet because everyone thinks hes such a nice guy i'm sat here second guessing myself again! thinking it must have been me but I know it wasn't I stayd for 13 years tried everything I possibly could read every book went to counselling tried doing nothing none of it worked. Everything I did was wrong every idea I had about anything important or not was wrong everything I tried to do he sabotaged but would twist it round very cleverly and confusingly so that it was in the best interests or that it was never going to work and he proved himself right.

His family was the same so why am I so outraged at their negative views of me. His mother was so controling she caused me so much doubt in my own ability as a mother with my first child, when it came to my second I didn't care as much what they thought. His parents were awful, nice as long as I didn't have ideas of my own and that was the case with him too as soon as I had an idea of my own the mind games would start.


I must not look next time i get the urge, I must not look next time I get the urge, I must not look next time I get the urge, I must not look next time I get the urge!!!!

I still want to pick up thephone.....ok if I were speaking to him I would say....
'You can tell people what you want, you can tell them I'm the most evil person in the world but only me and you Know what really happend. Telling people any different just makes you out to be the low life you really are by not having the guts to take some rsponsibility thus proving I am better off without you piece of muck! Slating me to other people is not going to help at all as our boys still need a relationship with those that they have become close to in your family and what happens at birthdays and special events? as they will be the last people I would invite as I am not having people looking me up and down having a go at me on our childs day. I wanted this to be amicable but you have done everything in your power to turn things nasty. You have brought this all on yourself I once wished you happiness I now wish that you meet someone else and you do the same then people can start making up their own minds about the person you really are. My friends and family saw it a long time ago but I wouldn't listen I wanted it to work.....you didn't DESERVE me!'

Rant over I'm off to ikea to buy some bits and bobs for mine and boys new place and its lovely being able to breathe properly how cheesy huh but I can I can breathe and not worry about recriminations any more. I must not look next time I get the urge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OP posts:
Report
Upsadaisy · 25/08/2007 10:23

I feel so much better!!!!! Mumsnet is brilliant!

OP posts:
Report
chocchipcookie · 25/08/2007 13:14

I went through much the same thing, my ex's family blamed me and most of our friends sided with him. But give it time, upsadaisy. I firmly believe the truth will out. There is a Martin Luther King quote (yep, really) that says something like 'the arc of the universe is long but it always turns towards justice'. I've probably got that a bit wrong. My ex left me for this girl then... dumped her. I actaully feel sorry for this girl, she doesn't know what she is getting in to.
You do sound raw still. I think the best therapy is doing nice things for yourself - little treats, really treating yourself well.
Also, my life got much better when a counsellor told me to stop expecting ANYTHING from him. I was outraged - 'But he should pay money and see my son.' Yes she said, he should, but he won't. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Every time you expect something and he doesn't do it you will get angry and it will pull you back. Say to yourself that he is a waste of time then anything he does do is a bonus.
From the sounds of it he may well do less and less, especially if he gets into a new relationship. I'm not saying that's right or fair but if that's the case then you will be happier in the long run accepting it then banging your head against a brick wall trying to get him to face his responsibilities.
I haven't had any increase in manintenace since 1998, meanwhile my ex drives a luxury car... So I concentrated on my work and now I make more money so it doesn't matter. Try to keep the focus on YOU, not on what he and his family are doing.

Report
Desiderata · 25/08/2007 13:21

Top ranting, Upsadaisy

He didn't deserve you, and I'm glad you realize this.

The truth will out, one day. In the meantime, put some itching powder in his cricket box!

Report
snowwonder · 25/08/2007 13:23

I know how hard it is not to look....

I have been single for 2 years, but i would love everyone to know my side of the story, because he is so full of s**t and cant put a step wrong,

In fact he gets married todday to the other women might just go and stand up in chuch and tell everyone how he shagged me for the first six months after we split up while dating her

I must not get the urge I must not get the urge

Quick someone lock the front door so i cant escape

Report
CountessDracula · 25/08/2007 13:24

Is the female friend just a friend to him??
If so, I would email back from his account saying

Hi babe yes she is a bitch, I'm so upset I need you to come round and suck my cock

He would never be able to prove it was you

Report
Desiderata · 25/08/2007 13:26

Hahahahahahahahahah, CD

Brilliant! Truly and immensely brilliant!

Report
snowwonder · 25/08/2007 13:38

what a fabiotastic idea CD

GENIUS

Report
charliecat · 25/08/2007 13:49

PMSL

Report
Nymphadora · 25/08/2007 14:13

Oh yeah do that its great!!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.