Dilemma - do I let him move in although it will cause ructions with my parents...

[e2moo]

Been single parent for nearly 2 yrs now and earlier in the year met a really great guy. I have DS x 2 and he has one DS. We have spent the Summer together and apart from the usual sibling rivalry we get on great and want to try living together once kids back at school.

Sounds pretty much a no brainer apart from eldest DS does have problems with 'change' and jealousy now having to share me not only with DP but also his son. DS has told me he doesn't want DP or his DS to live with us and that he 'hates' DP. Not sure if this is because of jealousy thing or because he has not been disciplined by a male for so long and is resenting DP taking this role.

Also! My parents don't approve of the whole situation saying that it is effecting the children. My mother hasn't really been talking to me since I started seeing this guy. They do not approve of DP (he doesn't fit the protocol of what they would envisage for me!)

Whole situation was made worse after my parents took my DS's overnight a few weeks ago and (I think) milked them for info and now they are even more against the whole relationship. They insist I am making a huge mistake but they can't see that eldest DS can sometimes use all this to his advantage. He reported all sorts of nonsense to his gps and consequently they think DSs are going to be scarred by this whole thing.

So if he moves in I will obviously have to tell parents and they are going to be up in arms about it. It would be easier if I wasn't so close to them and they have helped me a lot through the separation/divorce, so now I feel torn between keeping the peace (seeking their approval) and risking missing out on a chance with DP.

Admittedly we could just see each other at weekends but after spending the Summer with him I think I would miss him too much. Sad I know!!

Anyone have any advice please or been in similar situation?

[pirategirl]

Tbh, I would take this very slowly. They are always going to resent you otherwise.

[expatinscotland]

I think you need to discuss this with your son rather than your parents.

Aren't your son's feelings the priority here, as a mother?

What sort of 'nonsense' is your child reporting?

TBH, I sort of smell a rat here.

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

Good God are you mad ?

If you want to know me,come and live with me.

Why does he not fit the protocol ?

What had they envisaged ?

What could DS possibly have told them that made them even more entrenched ?

If you are still gettting on famously after next summer or even after the Christmas holidays then consider it.

I am with your parents.

[NineUnlikelyTales]

I don't think your parents have anything to do with your relationships and I wouldn't consider them in making that kind of decision.

But the reaction from your DS is much more of a concern and I would not rush to cohabit with this man until you were reassured that your DS/DP relationship was improving.

Given that you only met this man earlier in the year and you don't live together yet, why is he discipling your son?

It sounds too soon to me. I understand you want to be with him, but you need to take things more slowly, for the sake of you all.

[flowerybeanbag]

Haven't been in similar situation or anything, but just a thought.
I wouldn't decide what to do on the basis of ructions with parents. However, I would say if you only met this guy earlier this year, and you are both parents, that's awfully soon to be moving in together, particularly as it does affect 3 children.
It is hard when you are in love, and you will miss him, but I would be inclined to try and hold off for a few months, spend lots of weekends together etc.
If I was in a similar situation I would want to be absolutely sure this was for keeps before moving in with children. Nothing to do with what your parents will say.
As I say, haven't been in a similar situation or anything, that's just the first thing that occurred to me when reading your post.

[expatinscotland]

He's got a kid, too. What about his kid's feelings?

I think you're rushing things and overlooking the feeling of children for your own benefit.

'Miss out on a chance with DP'?

Huh?

If he's a real man he'll understand that when kids are involved, things might have to move more slowly than they would if you were both single.

[e2moo]

Nonsense DS was giving my parents was things like he was having to share his bed with DP's son (sharing bedroom), I was leaving him alone with DP every day (impossible as DP has to go to work!) etc etc. It didn't help that DPs son was having a birthday that weekend (day after I was picking up children from gps) and DP son is same age as mine therefore I feel with the birthday presents he was receiving and the party etc (sharing same friends), it was all a bit much.

I have spoken at length with DS and had similar behaviour during my marriage (husband worked away and when he returned DS reacted similarly), also once ex left DS reacted then too. I have organised to go speak to someone about DS.

There is no 'rat to smell'. DP is a lovely, supportive and understanding person and not at all pressurising me in to anything. The simple problem my parents have with him is that he isn't a doctor/solicitor/dentist and doesn't drive a fancy sports car!!

Don't think I have put all this across very well but the children are our main priority and the reason for spending the Summer together was for the children to get to know each other better. We would not make any decisions soley based on DP and my feelings.

[expatinscotland]

Your son has issues, em. And until he gets some counselling or help with those issues, I think it's a bad idea to move some guy in.

Sorry, but that's my opinion and you asked.

Sounds like you're looking for a means to justify his moving in.

[e2moo]

Should mention have known DP for about 18mths but we only 'got it together' earlier this year.

[BraceYourselfMavis]

I think that moving in together at this point in time would be unwise.

Your son is clearly unhappy about the prospect, and whilst he shouldn't be allowed to dictate your relationship, he should be listened to about his feelings regarding who he shares his home with.

I think it is too early to try and blend these two families.

See each other in the evenings, at weekends and in the holidays.

But keep separate homes for now.

Maybe think about moving in together in a couple of years, once you all know each other better.

[warthog]

don't do it until your ds is happier about the situation. waiting another year won't do any harm

[e2moo]

Txs everyone for your advice. Will give it all serious thought.