Advice on Letting Go

[FallenApart]

So, not really a regular but been around for nearly a year. Relationship with DP has been rocky for a while and we've tried all sorts over a number of years. The time has finally come to separate, something on which we are both agreed. All the practicalities are in hand, and the kids are largely grown, and he's not their father anyway, so I'm not too concerned about these aspects. I've also been a single parent before so it holds no fear for me.

Even though I've known this was coming for months, if not years, and I also know that we've been making each other miserable and both deserve the chance to move on, and eventually will, I am totally devasted and distressed. I'm weeping a lot, feeling very sorry for myself, and also feeling very stupid because the signs were there that we were not right for each other, from very early on. He moves out at the end of the month and I just don't know how I'm going to get through it without becoming an emotional wreck. It will be easier when he's gone, and we've agreed no contact for a while after he moves out.

Any advice on how I get through the next three weeks with grace and dignity?

[BraceYourselfMavis]

Sorry you are feeling so sad.

No advice, really, but just wanted to respond to your post.

And to recommend you keep posting here for moral support.

Can you go and stay with a friend for a few days perhaps?

[Guitargirl]

That sounds very difficult, sorry to hear you are going through this . It's never easy when a relationship ends and continuing to live with that person, even for a short while, must be very hard.

The only thing I can advise to get through the next few weeks is to make sure you have something 'nice' to do every day. Decide the night before what it's going to be, even if it's something small you still have something to look forward to the next day. Be kind to yourself, allow yourself time to grieve for the relationship.

I suspect that it will be easier when he leaves, you may be very relieved or you may feel empty at first.

And please don't feel stupid at not spotting any signs that things weren't right. It would be unusual I think to find a couple who felt they were 'perfect' for each other right from the start and never had any doubts.

[e2moo]

I've been separated for nearly 2 years now, 2 children and same as you felt stupid that I didn't see the signs. They were all there and very obvious looking back but hind sight and all that!

I instigated split but still found it hard. Once he was out I felt a whole lot better. I felt free to do what I wanted when I wanted to and made loads of friends. I had just moved to a new place too which made me very apprehensive but it forced me to get out and speak to people which I find difficult at the best of times, and found that there were lots of people in my position.

It is ok to feel how you're feeling, its natural. I felt the same and when everyone said 'it will get better' I didn't really believe them, but it does. I have just met a really great guy and at the moment things are good.

Great idea to keep contact to minimal as it will help you keep focused and don't let him wind you up! My ex manages this very well and it is hard to ignore the sarcy texts/e-mails etc.

You will survive this. As you said you have done it before so you will do it again

[FallenApart]

Thanks BYM - good nick for me right now, brace yourself! I have work for the next 4 days so going away isn't an option. Things will probably be easier on the days I'm working, and a good night's sleep tonight would certainly help. I am thinking about going to my mum's (heaven help me!) at the weekend and will see how I feel when I get there, one day at a time and all that. Thanks for replying - I'm also feeling very alone.

[allgonebellyup]

hope you are ok. i am going through this too, we split 4 months ago and he met someone else straight away, and i cant meet anyone else as i am still clinging to the thought of him, even though the split was all my idea..
dont have much advice though everyone keeps telling me time is a healer - and it would be if i didnt have to see him every weekend when he comes to see the kids. When he drops them off he comes into the house for an hour or so and this is why i am finding it hard to move on, because i still have to see him all the time.

Luckily for you , you dont have the contact as the children arent his? so should help it heal quicker, not seeing him?

[FallenApart]

Thanks ladies. I think I'm just shocked at how upset I am, even though I know this is all for the best and have wanted us to separate, instead of spending even more time trying to fix something that just wasn't working for either of us. Really want to get through this next three weeks without too many emotional outbursts - we've been living with those for months, when we haven't been avoiding each other

[FallenApart]

Sorry to hear your story allgonebellyup 'Tis a hard thing this separating business. Having done it before, in very different circumstances, I know I'll have breathing space when he's gone, and I do know that time is a great healer.

I've decided on a no contact arrangement because I know that seeing him brings all the emotion up and it's harder to separate completely, and we really do need to separate completely before we can consider being friends sometime down the line, hopefully. It can be so much more difficult when there are small kids involved, for everyone, though I've no idea what sort of relationship my kids will want with him, or he with them, when he's gone.

[e2moo]

allgonebellyup - When dropping off my 2 with ex I have always arranged to meet somewhere ie. coffee shop etc to avoid ex coming round to the house. I felt right from the beginning I didn't want him coming to the house and it has worked really well. When go home I really feel it's my space and he isn't a part of our home life.