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BIL getting engaged has really affected me - talk some sense into me please

3 replies

smurfgirl · 22/07/2007 17:03

My DP's brother and his lovely long term girlfriend got engaged yesterday and I am happy for them but its thrown up these weird, irrational emotions.

*I do worry that their wedding will be better or overshadow ours - this is horrible I know but there we are. And I know a wedding is just the beginning of a marriage and that in the end the smaller the better and it doesn't matter but I am 23 and excited. She is thinner and prettier than me and I just feel like everyone will be comparing us. And there are long standing issues with DP's parents because they feel our wedding is too extravagant and I can picture DP's mum going on about why their wedding is better.

*I don't have any siblings and I am fine with that and now its a bit weird thinking that my children will have them as their auntie/uncle. And she has sisters she is close to and DP and his brother are not hugely close and I feel like I will spend my life in this tiny family unit (me, DP, child) and they won't have lots of nice cousins and aunties and uncles around like I do. Which is so ridiculous, but honestly I feel so upset thinking of it.

*Oh and vaguely related the proposal was really romantic and DP is not a particularly romantic person and last night I tried to explain to him that a bit of romance would be nice. He will do anything for me, buy anything for me, but spontinaity or even getting hints is beyond him. And I know I should be grateful and its not the worst thing in the world saying I want x and him buying it, but just once I wish he would plan something for me or buy me flowers without ringing me a billion times to check it was ok and to ask where to go to buy it and how much it should be etc. But thats men right?!!

I don't know why I feel like this, because I do really like DP's brother and girlfriend and they are a fab couple but I don't know I feel like this will impact on me in a bad way. Neurotic and selfish and ridiculous.

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VeronicaMars · 22/07/2007 17:15

Hmmm I think you should be concentrating on your own wedding and stop worrying about theirs. If you heard that she was thinking all this about you and your dp how would you feel?
Please don't turn into a bridezilla just get on with it and enjoy YOUR stuff. Are you sure you're just not a bit stressed at the mo? Completely understandable but don't be picking away at all this it will just cause arguments and atmospheres.

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floopowder · 22/07/2007 17:19

No your not, you are feeling scared and vunerable and your wedding is just around the corner. Think every wedding you have been to do you remember the details or how happy you were at the wedding (sorry this sounds crass) you only remember the feelings and some images and the longer time passes the more the feelings over take the images in your mind of the weddings you went to. I do know what you mean about wanting your children to have a large family, both DH and I are one of two, and my kids never see their cousins and we all live in the same village. Some people do have the kind of relationship with their siblings which is great but they don't bother to visit. As an aside DH share an Aunt who is related to neither of us she was just a friend of my mams and of his, she was far nicer to us and our kids than DH BIL who will not speak to our son because he has CP ... wanker. DH and I grew up in the same village but never met until I was 18 and he was 26. So make loads of friends and make an effort to visit with them and then your kids will have friends who shared part of their life history. I remember joint experiences with friends more than my cousins.
More romance, my sister had this problem with her husband and she said they both had to make a wish box, they each wrote a dozen wishes which were romantic in their eyes and put it in a box and they had to pick on each every other tuesday so DS last tues and dbil (the nicer bil) a weeik tuesday. Problem DBil wishes are a bit whilst dsis are more rub my feet. Try it.

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smurfgirl · 22/07/2007 18:27

I would never say any of this to DP's brother and his fiancee of course btw.

I had a whine to dp and he said that they are planning to get married 3 months before us. Which is not too close I guess!