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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Friend's dh is a bigomist

23 replies

2wives · 12/07/2007 21:55

That?s it really. She?s been married for 8 years and they have two children together and she is pregnant. She found out when she had a phone call from a woman wanting to know who she was and what her number was doing on her husband?s secret mobile phone. At first she thought it was a wrong number but then the other woman told her his name and said she was his wife of 17 years. They also have 3 dc together, and the youngest is only 3 months older than friend?s eldest.

So friend now has to face the fact that her husband will possibly go to jail for bigomy, and also the fact that she isn?t actually legally married to him as he married the other woman first.

She is due to give birth in 6 weeks, it's such a mess.

OP posts:

Report

expatinscotland · 12/07/2007 21:56

I went out with a man whose father was a bigamist. His mother, the legally married wife, had two sons with him and then he married another woman in another state and had three children with her.

He went to jail.

I'm really sorry for your pal.

edam · 12/07/2007 21:58

Um. That's terrible. But why are you calling yourself 2wives and why is this the first post in that name on MN?

CalifrauniusFudge · 12/07/2007 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Posey · 12/07/2007 22:07

Probably changed names for this post I should think.

2wives · 12/07/2007 22:12

My sister uses this site and always tells me how supportive the people are on here. I came here in the hope that I might get some advice for her or even might find someone who had been through the same. She hasn't told anyone about this apart from me, not even her family. She feels humiliated and can't face telling people that the past 8 years of her life have been a lie, and that while she was six months pregnant with her first child another woman was giving birth to his sister.

But apparently posts of this nature are not welcome so I shall go elsewhere.

OP posts:

LittleLupin · 12/07/2007 22:13

That's really crap, 2wives. Your poor friend.

Bibis · 12/07/2007 22:14

it's spelt bigAmist by the way

LittleLupin · 12/07/2007 22:15

I wonder if your friend could claim breach of contract against him? No idea of the legalities I am afraid.

LazyLineLegilimens · 12/07/2007 22:15

What terrible circumstances under which to be giving birth.

What does her husband say?

katz · 12/07/2007 22:16

thats awful

how did he manage to get away with it?

wannaBe · 12/07/2007 22:16

how did he maintain the double life for so long though?

Im reading a book about a bigamist atm. he has an accident and his wives meet over his hospital bed.

have no advice sorry - has the "husband" said anything?

edam · 12/07/2007 22:20

I see, sorry, just your name made me think someone was trying to be funny.

Feel very sorry for your friend, can't imagine what an appalling shock that must have been.

The ages are horrifying too, the poor women must have been pregnant at the same time. Yikes.

2wives · 12/07/2007 22:21

His job takes him all over the country, so being away 3 nights a week wasn't considered an issue, he just said he was away on business and neither of them had any reason to doubt where he was. He's always been in the same kind of work so even his first wife didn't have reason to suspect because travelling was already the norm. He hasn't said much to be honest, other than that he loves both of them.

OP posts:

hatrickjacqueline · 12/07/2007 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stressteddy · 12/07/2007 22:26

Oh, well if he loves them both that's ok then.
Seriously, I really do feel for your friend and his other wife. What a crappy situation.

catsmother · 12/07/2007 22:53

Your friend must be totally shell shocked. I have absolutely no experience of this (how many people do ?) and I can understand her head must be all over the place, but she shouldn't feel ashamed or humiliated as she has done nothing wrong. If nothing else though, please urge her to confide in her GP & midwife as the shock could contribute to her health and that of the baby.

I did a bit of googling and found only one specific bigamy "support" group. Unfortunately it's American, so maybe not too much use so far as the law is concerned but the sentiments felt will be the same of course and there is a support group on the site. See: Fighting Bigamy.

lucykate · 12/07/2007 23:03

how awful for her. how on earth has this bloke managed to fund all this, two wives = two families = two houses = costly!

ggglimpopo · 13/07/2007 08:36

Not quite the same thing but a friend had something similar a few years ago - she and he had the same high pressure jobs(lots of travelling) and he moved in with her and discussed marriage, children etc etc. She found out 2 years down the line, via his mobile, which he normally never left lying around, that he had a second household - a innocent wife and kids in the same town! She found out recently that he is doing this again with another woman and she imagines, the same poor wife.

When I worked in ICU, we had a man who had two families who only found out of each other existance as he lay on his deathbed. He had teenage children with both women!

I don't know how the hell they do it, but I think it is more common than all of us imagine.

Good luck to your friend. What a bastard.

mylittlestar · 13/07/2007 08:37

How awful for your friend

Have no advice or experience but didn't want to read this and not post

NKF · 14/07/2007 08:43

She should see a solicitor urgently.

2wives · 17/07/2007 18:49

hello

My friend saw a solicitor today and he's basically told her that she has no rights and that she could lose everything if her "dh" wife decides to file for divorce. He said that although the house is in joint name, because my friend is a sahm she hasn't contributed to it financially and therefore wouldn't be entitled to any of the equity, she would only be entitled to whatever money she had paid into the house and that his wife could demand that the house be sold and claim half the equity.

The husband seems to have disappeared into hiding because he's afraid of being arrested.

OP posts:

Freckle · 17/07/2007 19:18

Tell your friend to see another solicitor. She may be able to claim a beneficial interest (especially if she has children) as the courts are interested in the intent when the property was purchased. Also, if she is named as a joint tenant, then I'm not sure that the law can say she has no interest or rights. It is her home and she should be entitled to her interest in it.

Wisteria · 17/07/2007 19:25

'although the house is in joint name, because my friend is a sahm she hasn't contributed to it financially and therefore wouldn't be entitled to any of the equity,'
That's bollocks I'm sure - she has had children with him!

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