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Relationships

I'm very happy with my young man, BUT...

19 replies

lou33 · 08/01/2007 12:02

as you might remember, i am losing him at the beginning of april, as he leaves the country indefinitely when he leaves the army.

Now it keeps playing through my mind that it might actually be better for me and the kids in teh long run to end our relationship now, so when he goes it wont be as painful for me, yet i also keep thinking i should make the most of it as long as i can and deal with the fall out when it happens. We spoke a small amount about it when we were in prague, and all we could say was that either way is going to be shit, and that we knew the deal when we met. We also agreed neither of us expected to get so involved with each other, so it's all v sad.

Then he asked me to join him (again)or at least go to see him, which i dont think will be possible or even a good idea. Then he said if we were to stay together he'd want me to have a baby!!!!!!!! I've only known him 5months.

I've been sterilised 5 yrs, and tbh even if i hadnt, i wouldnt be rushing into having baby number 5 when i didnt exactly enjoy being pregnant with the other 4, but i was quite taken aback at his comment.

So realistically i know we arent going anywhere, but my dilemma is when it should end.

(And to add to my drama, does anyone remember the spaniard who said he wanted to be with me, who got v upset when i said i was seeing my fella? Well today he sent me an email wishing me a late happy ny and birthday, and told me he wanted me to love him, and he was coming over at the end of jan for a weekend and would i meet him. I said no again, told him i was still involved with the same guy, and he was being unfair to me.)

So to me, leaving my bloke now when i know he is only an hour away seems just as bad as saying goodbye to him and never seeing him again, but i cant see the wood for the trees i think.

Anyone out there more sensible than me? I cant promise to take the advice but i will listen and ponder it.

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jampots · 08/01/2007 12:05

I think you should make hte most of the time you have left together and enjoy it without the pressure of trying to further the relationship - its only been 5 months so not a lifetime and you both knew teh score at the outset. Just enjoy it Lou You deserve it

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Carmenere · 08/01/2007 12:06

I have a feeling that when he does go you will be able to see things more clearly. As you say it is going to hurt either way, iiwy I would just enjoy it for now. I don't think you see any realy future in it particularly with the baby thing.Realistically you are a bit more grown up and realistic than him, aren't you? Have fun for now.

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expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 12:08

I would end it now.

B/c I'm the sort that, the longer I'm w/them, the more attached I get and it makes it that much more painful.

And then I'd probably allow the Spaniard to lavish me w/gifts.

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nailpolish · 08/01/2007 12:09

i think you are spoiling the last wee while you have with him by analysing it all and things he has said

just make the most of the last few weeks you have. squeeze in as much fun as possible

if things are meant to be more, in the long term, it will happen naturally

i had a long distance love once, i saw him for a weekend every 2 months. i ruined almost every weekend i saw him by sobbing over him leaving again

waht a waste of time that was, i should have not thought about that and enjoyed it more

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expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 12:10

I never could do long distance. I always wound up getting too randy and shagging someone else.

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nailpolish · 08/01/2007 12:11

yes there is that too expat

lol

this was also before mobile phones and webcams

(jeez am i htat old?)

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scorpio1 · 08/01/2007 12:11

echoing expats comment here ....

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lou33 · 08/01/2007 12:13

oh i said straight away i couldnt give him that, i didnt let him think i would think about it

i'm more concerned that these last few months are just gonna be filled with dread, and then the kids are going to miss him too, even tho i have been trying to limit the amount of interaction they have, and remind them he is going away in april.

my boys especially,adore him because he does silly boy things with them without being asked to

it's not about breaking it off to be ready to see someone else in april, i'm just worried it will hurt a whole lot more than it already does

i'm really happy he is going to fulfil his dream, i'm just sad for me i guess, especially when he has managed to restore my faith in men a lot, and show me they arent all drunken wankers who will treat me like shit

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expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 12:15

'this was also before mobile phones and webcams

(jeez am i htat old?)'


I still shagged someone else even when those were around .

There's no substitute for the real thing, and well, my ex H was always available for a quick romp of an evening.

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expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 12:16

K, I've changed my mind just on your last post, lou.

I'd enjoy the time you had left and then let hte relationship come to its natural end.

It'll be easier on your boys, too, b/c it's like, 'well, he had to move away.'

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lou33 · 08/01/2007 12:20

lol expat

we wont have a long distance relationship, because you need to know that they will be back at some point, and he doesnt know that himself, and it would be unfair to either of us to live like nuns/monks

i dont think i have over analysed things, but it is something that is going to be coming to the forefront of my mind more often now, especially now he is organising more and more of the detail to enable him to go

i kind of agree that now would be best to call it a day, but then again i also have a shallow side and it means i will have to give up the best sex i ever had, so i am reluctant to actually do so.

how terrible is that?! lol

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expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 12:30

I'd stay w/him, then, till the relationship reaches its natural end - when he has to move far away - and just savour each and every good shag.

B/c let's face it, there's nothing like a good rodgering.

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nailpolish · 08/01/2007 12:38

could you really end it now knowing you could have more and more til hes gone?

nah, didnt think so!

youll be shagging him as he goes up the steps to the plane/boat/whatever

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Bugsy2 · 08/01/2007 12:39

I'd stay with him too. What's the point of depriving yourself of his company when he is still here? It will probably come to a natural end when he goes. Try not to think too much about it but just enjoy it for now.
He sounds very taken with you!!!

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expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 12:41

So true, NP.

I mean, he can sleep on the plane!

One all-night shag session won't kill him, he's young, after all .

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expatinscotland · 08/01/2007 12:42

And years from now, every now and again, he'll think, 'Damn, that lou was a mind-blowing lay! Wonder where she is now? NO ONE ever rocked me like that.'

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mellowma · 08/01/2007 12:43

Message withdrawn

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noddyholder · 08/01/2007 12:47

Oh Lou you have fallen in love! I would probably stay with him until the bitter end and then spend months sobbing my heart out.I don't think it makes it any easier that you both agreed to this situation you can't predict the course of a relationship.How does he feel?He obviously thinks the world of you to be talking babies and tbh I think he'll be back when he realises he has lost a good woman like you.I do feel for your boys though they are probably equally in love with the fact that he makes you so happy.Life is sh*t at times

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lou33 · 08/01/2007 12:56

lol i love all these replies

i do have to be gentle with him tho, he had spinal surgery in january last year

ok so general consensus is to stick with it?

yay!

expat i already told him that lol, he just nodded in agreement!

noddy even if he comes back the sticking point would be the subject of kids, and i dont see how that could be resolved really

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