How do you get over a crush?

[Thaigal]

I've posted before about this but basically, 11 years ago at the age of 15 I developed a huge crush on a bloke out of relatively unknown rock band, I've never actually met him but during my "stalking" years I did get to speak to him on the phone, I spoke to him via email as a variety of different persona's and after a while I did get bored of it and it stopped. However now, at the age of 25 the "crush" has returned, well it returned last year and the obsession grew enough for me to contact the poor bloke again and we had pretty lengthy conversations over email which... during my most stupid hours actually got me thinking maybe we could end up together at some point...I realise how daft this was but it didnt stop me thinking about him.

Anyway last year he split from his long term girlfriend, sounds awful but I was delighted...anyway I've just read a piece that he'd written on his website about the work he's currently doing but one thing he said stood out...he said "I've realised the net isnt a great place to meet girls, be careful, there are some nutters out there ready to pounce from the most unlikely places".

I was a little pee'd off by this but then I said to myself "what the fuck am I doing sitting here holding out stupid hopes that some bloke I have never even met may some day look at me???" It's suddenly hit me how stupid all this is (I've known for a while but today it really hit me how much time I waste thinking about this person), I don't know why this obsession has grown to such a ridiculous level but I want it to stop...bare in mind it's stuck with me for 10+ years so far so it's not just going to go away by "not thinking about him".

Any words of wisdom other than "you're a freak"?

Also, does anyoene have any experience of this kind of thing? (i.e. crush's that went "too far")

[Carmenere]

Thaigal I think you should perhaps talk to someone professionally about this. The fact that you realise that this is a waste of time is good but it is still very odd behaviour, it is stalker-ish and you can be sure that he was talking about you when he mentioned nutters on the net. It's not nice at all to stalk someone, even if that person is in the public eye, it is scary and the last thing it is going to do is enamour him of you.
It is also likely to get in the way of you having a proper relationship in the real world. Sorry if I am being harsh, it is meant well.

[beckybrastraps]

Gosh yes. I would echo Carmenere. I think this is something that needs proper professional input. You won't sort it out on MN.

[beckybrastraps]

That reads rather tersely. Sorry.

[Thaigal]

I agree with you both, I know how odd it is and I have tried to stop it, the stupid thing is he's not all that good looking! it's something else that's causing it but I can't put my finger on it...

I posted on here a bit ago about me thinking I need some kind of councelling to deal with past issues and I'm wondering if this obsession is a bi-product of these "past issues".

I still need to take the steps to see a councellor, I can't afford to go private and am still unsure of what to say to a doctor.

[bandstand]

print out what you said here and send/give it to GP

[Carmenere]

I agree, if you say to a gp what you said here they will understand. You may well be right about earlier issues and good for you for wanting to face your demons.

[Thaigal]

You know I've just been thinking, this didn't start with this man, there have been a few people I have developed strange obsessions with in the past, one was a girl at secondry school, I wouldv'e been around 11 and I recognised one of the older girls from my old primary school and I became obsessed with her, not atracted to her but obsessed to the point where I was making up stories about her, encouraging my friends to shout things at her etc...this lasted only a few months before the obsession moved on to a security guard that used to work near the school...I had a huge obsession with him, I wouldve been around 12-13 at the time and again this was not a crush, I would think about this man 24/7, I found out his phone number and phoned him constantly, I be-friended his niece so that I could go around to his house etc...

My father died when I was 11 and this seems to be when this obsessive personality started, I knew the difference between these obsessions and a "crush", I had a "crush" on Tom Cruise, Jon Bon Jovi...etc...even now I have a slight "crush" on sean bean but I would never dream of harrasing him or even contacting him, there is a huge difference between an attraction and the feelings I hold towards these subjects of obsession, sometimes it borders on hatred but why???

[Bucketsofdynomite]

I agree, I think you're going to have to unlock Pandora's box, won't be easy but you need to do it for your family. And I mean this in the nicest, most helpful way, get a life!

Have a look at this , might help get your head around things. You need to scroll down past the banners. Good luck.