Am i a mug??

[Anonnnnnnn]

Ok, need a general opinion of am i being a mug, or what do you make of this sort of thing?

Quick history - dp and i been together for ten years, always been faitful and very trusting. I am not in any way jealous or paranoid (dp agrees!) and he has had many female friends in the past who havn't concerned me at all.

OK, a few days ago for the first time in my life, i read a text on dp's mobile. It bleeped when it was right next to me and pure nosiness made me read it (was not expecting anything like this!).

It said something like, HI x yes i was annoyed with you but its ok now, i did have a good new year. I realise you don't have the time to give me what i want and the time your family need and its not fair on them so it is best we stop seeing each other. See you at work x

After checking all other texts for further evidence of an affair - which there were none of course! i confronted in him in quite an angry way not letting on i'd read the text. Asked him if he had been seeing someone else etc etc. he denied all. Then i told him about text he admitted he'd got friendly with a girl.

Anyway to cut a long story short, he claims they had just been having lunches together and he'd found her useful to confide in about the stress at work because she obviously worked their too and understood more than me. THings got a bit friendly and she started to ask if he was single would he go out with her. he said maybe. she had stopped working at same place as was only a temp but they continued phone calls. Just before xmas he left her a message to cut contact as he was feeling disloyal to me and wishing her a good xmas and new year. The text i read was her first reply since then.

he tells me there was no physical contact etc i have spoken to her and his best friend and all stories match. he has been off sick since before xmas so claims to not have known that she is obvious back on new contract.

if all of the above is true i can cope but i just cant help doubting. why did he never mention her to me if it was all so innocent?

[Anonnnnnnn]

the reason why she was annoyed with him was that he had been ignoring her calls as she was expecting more from their friendship and he didnt know how to tell her there there was nothing in it.

[jampots]

no not a mug but as nothing actually happened i cant see the problem. I think you should be proud of your dh for dealing with this without upsetting you

[welshboris]

To be fair, your DH hasnt done anything wrong.

He just made friends with a girl, she took things the wrong way. He backed off, she kept pushing him.

He didnt tell you, because there is nothing to tell

[Quootiepie]

If the stories match up, it could well be he is telling the truth. It is easy for things to go from one thing to another... I thought nothing of going to the pub in my lunch break at college with a male friend, I could see how such sitatuions can arrise quite easily. I don't think you're a mug... It sounds as though he's being honest, to me.

[Surfermum]

And if she's the vindictive sort she could have sent the text hoping you'd see it so that she could cause trouble.

[divastrop]

its going to kill me to say this as i am not a rational ,trusting person,BUT i think your dh is being honest with you,he probably didnt feel the need to tell you at the time cos she was just a temp and wasnt important,but it looks like when he realised she was after more than the odd moan about work over lunch he did the right thing and told her he didnt want anything more to do with her.

i dont think you're a mug,i think you have a very honest and trusting relationship.

[Anonnnnnnn]

oh thank you all thank you all!

You are all saying what i was feeling, but i couldn't help thinking hang on a mo.

What i have tried to explain to my dp, is even assumin the whole thing is true and nothing physical happened, in my eyes he obviously was attracted to this girl otherwise he would have mentioned her to me. They went for lunch 2 or 3 times a week over a three month period (whilst i was carrying our second child!). And he says cos they were close he didn't want to tell me as he felt guilty.

I have just been confused as he mentions every other girl he girls to lunch with - y'know just in convo in the evenings about his day and i don't bat an eye lid. This is why i've been suspicious.

But thank you all !! i shall go give him a big kiss now as hes been in the dog house

[welshboris]

I'm glad you feel a little better about things.

Please dont keep on at DH about this, or get suspicous about simple things though. It may drive a wedge between you and push him into being secretive rather than tell you things

[Anonnnnnnn]

oh no its not like that, i'm having a go at him for not telling me. He knows damn well that if he'd come home telling me a girl had thought he'd been leading her on etc etc i'd have laughed along and advised him what to say to her. He promises to continue telling me everything now, as we always have done in the past.

Thanks allx

[Blondilocks]

TBH her ego is probably bruised, hence the annoyance she may have felt & she may feel really silly now.

I am all for trusting until you have a reason not to trust, so unless you had proof /more of a suspicion that anything else happened I would trust your OH for now. I've got lots of male friends so think it's perfectly normal & possible for a male & female to be friends without anything else underlying it, but you can understand someone taking the interest the wrong way like this lady did.

[MamaWillTellYa]

Iv'e just stumbled across this and seen this was posted in 2007, and can only hope you didn't continue to believe him! I can't believe what I'm reading! All these replies are ridiculous! That text is clearly stating she's blowing him of and that they should STOP SEEING EACHOTHER because she wants MORE OF HIS TIME and attention but he's unable to give that as he has clearly told her he's unable to COMMIT. Ofcourse every text would be deleted and he would deny it all! Then make out its not so bad. Why was he entertaining her in the first place even with lunch breaks and then suddenly freaked out when he led her on? He's full of BS I'm sorry this has enraged me.