How do you best support someone through stress and panic attacks?

[puddle]

My Dp is incredibly stressed at the moment. So much so that he has not been sleeping and last night woke me up in the middle of the night having a panic attack, then was very upset and in tears. I am really worried about him.

It's all work related. He's has just started a new job and is finding it very hard. he seems to get through the day ok but he has the sort of personality that makes him over analyse, worry and be very self critical - this is combined with a lack of confidence in his abilities (although as far as I know he is good at his job and was the outstanding candidate for the one he's just started).

I don't know how to support him. I am a naturally optimistic, unstressed type of person and I can't relate to this at all. I have tried to talk things through with him but it seems to make things worse rather than better. Any advice would be very welcome.

[LucyJones]

So sorry to hear this. My sister too suffers from anxiety attacks. If you google panic attacks there is a wealth of info on the 'Net.
She went to the gp and was put on beta blockers and goes to a counselling session too so that might be worth a go

[puddle]

Thanks Lucy. I was hoping that there might be some other approaches to coping with stress before you got to the stage of having to take medication?

[TheArmadillo]

I found counselling stopped the panic attacks I had for years. It really helped me deal with my anxiety and stress and now I have ways of coping with it.

I would suggest he sees someone.

[puddle]

Armadillo what sort of counselling did you have?

[TheArmadillo]

I went privately (my mum paid) to someone who did life coaching (ok not exactly counselling). What she did was give me structures and exercises to cope with the anxiety, but also looked at why I was anxious and what triggered the attacks and learning to recognise it.

The relaxation exercises helped me stop a panic attack when it was starting.

It also gave me a structure for working out what I wanted to change and what I wanted to be able to cope with and not change.

I saw her once a week and had exercises/homework to do every day.

I went there to reassess my life, and didn't really end up changing a lot but learning why I was doing it and what I wanted from it.

[puddle]

I think maybe talking to someone would help him but I don't know whether he would even want to go to the GP.

I can now see that he deals with stress in an extremely unhealthy way and he has been like it ever since I have known him - it's just overwhelmed him this time.

[puddle]

has anyone tried CBT for this?

[rookiemum]

Does his work offer a helpline ? A lot of big companies do. It may be easier for him to talk things through with a professional on the phone which would hopefully lead to them suggesting that he gets counselling.

[Enid]

how lovely of you to be worried. I am the stressy one in our household, dh is the very laid back optimistic type. He just gives me cuddles and tells me not to worry and that everything will be fine. Always, always helps.

[Enid]

and yes I had CBT for panic attacks. it was brilliant.

[Enid]

does he drink? He must stop - it makes me utterly prone to panic and anxiety.

[NOELallie]

I don't know I'm afraid but I agree with Enid that alcohol doesn't help. I read a book called 'Self-help for your nerves' which sounds really naff but it seemed to help - more with helping me acknowledge that what I was feeling was real but that I wasn't dying of a heart attack when I had palpitations and brathing trouble. Mine was partly work-related too - our HR dept approach was to sit me down with the HR director and a cup of coffee and tell me to 'pull myself together'..after all I'd had a day off and that 'hadn't helped, had it'. Great!

[puddle]

Enid he does drink but we are both on the wagon until half term.

he is a teacher so I guess the unions probably do some sort of helpline.

I think as I said this is the culmination of the way he approaches stress and he needs to be taught to deal with it in a different way - Enid is that how CBT worked for you?

I have found out when the nice GP is around next week and am going to get him to make an appointment.

[Enid]

yes

the best thing it did for me was to point out that things WERE stressful and to stop thinking i should cope with everything on my own.

also it makes you see how you often think catastrophically - the most terrible things will happen, then it points out why these things are usually fantasy/extremely UNlikeley to happen

sorry crap explanation - I bought a really really good book on it which I will try to link too

also relaxation and massages really helped, even though I didnt think I was stressed or needed them

[puddle]

Enid that's the kind of approach I take when I talk to DP. I think he sees it as me being pollyanna-ish.

[Enid]

yes but it will be helping him - can you baby him and tell him to go to bed/lie down/have a hot bath (not during the attacks but after them)

this is the book I had

overcming anxiety

there is a panic one as well I believe

[puddle]

Maybe if a (slightly stern and tweedy) professional took that aproach tho it would help.

I've just booked him a massage.

Will have a look at that book link thanks.

[Enid]

massages need to be regular

I used to float in London (in a floatation tank) god it was soooooooooooooo good

but obv a bit weirdy for most people