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How do I repair damaged relations with soon to be ex-hubby??

4 replies

poshbutdim · 03/01/2007 14:17

Hello out there, any advice would be appreciated!!

To cut a long story short.......we split up last year as I deceided that I wanted to go to college and eventually study nursing at uni. It has been a fairly rough ride since we split but I am finally over him , I have 2 dd's and he gets to see them regularly on a sunday for a couple of hours. However when he is with the children he regularly calls me a knob head and other word to that effect directly to them while he is out. I found this out after the last visit from my eldest and I was mortified as would never slag him of directly to the children (only to my friends when dd's in bed!! LOL).

We cannot agree between each other that they go to his house and stay with him and new partner so he tried to apply for residency order but the judge awarded full custody in my favour so I could see why he might be upset, hence the short visits on a sunday.

I want him to see the kids but am at the end of my tether with his behaviour can any suggest how I deal with this mess??

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Quootiepie · 03/01/2007 14:22

If DH and I split, and he used such language in their presense id be furious! Is it by your "say so" he sees them on a Sunday? If so, refuse until he can contain his language.

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throckenholt · 03/01/2007 14:31

We cannot agree between each other that they go to his house and stay with him and new partner

that would seem a major part of the problem. If you have accepted that it is over and you have moved on then you need to find a way to accept any new partners he has in the future - as they are part of his, and hence your children's life. If you can find a way to deal with that issue in an adult way then probably DH will stop feeling aggrieved and behave better when he has the kids (2 hours per week does seem woefully little for a father to spend with his children).

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Judy1234 · 03/01/2007 15:28

My ex has used all sorts of language about me. It makes the children realise how awful he is. He digs his own grave in effect. Silly man. If you have sensbile children they';ll take it with a pinch of salt. on the other hand I think morally you should let him have them 50% of the time and it's wrong not to and compared with bad language that denial of contact between a father and child is the biggest wrong I can see on this thread. They stay at your house so why not at his?

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poshbutdim · 04/01/2007 08:59

I kind of see all your points, but when we were together he could not really be bothered spending anytime with us as a family!! He would rather have spent his time in Starbucks drinking coffee and reading wrestling magazines !!!

We were getting on at one point, and it was at this stage he was telling tales about new partner, saying she was a nutcase and that he was only there as he was lonely!! Not my idea of a lasting and loving relationship so I do have my reservations about the kids staying there.

While we were at court the judge said that he wanted us to seek mediation, I agreed and had a couple of meetings with CAFCASS, however DH did not like the fact CAFCASS wanted to speak with his partner and discuss my reservations, so the case was dropped and I was awarded full custody.

I am very much over him but I find it offensive that now he has given up all his hobbies he now wants it all when he really conldn't be bothered before.