Am I being over sensitive about what my mum said?

[pinkdoll]

Have always had a very up and down relationship with my mother and most of her comments I can deal with, but this one I feel beats the lot!
The conversation started off with her asking how my Christmas day had been and who I had spent it with. To which I replied DH,3DD's and MIL and a nice time was had by all. I then asked after hers knowing full well that she was at my brothers. She too had had a great time! She then said how lucky we both were as she had spent time with her family and I had spent time with mine- my query is that as i'm married am I no longer her daughter afer all its been 15 years!! So why decide this now?
Do you think I'm being over sensitive??

[peegeeweegee]

if your brother is married with children, than you are absolutely right to be annoyed/upset by her comment.

if your brother is single however, perhaps she feels he is still 'hers' whilst you are married and perhaps more independent??

i can see why you are put out by it though, my mum is exactly the same. they celebrated their 25th w.a. last year, invited my sister (who is single) but not me (who is married with two dc.)

[pinkdoll]

yes he is married happily and with 2 DD's. I guess I am feeling a tad blue as still to receive xmas present-well actually a card would be nice, knowing full well she has bought them things.

[pinkdoll]

Maybe I am being a bit sensitive, but it really hurts me.

[throckenholt]

maybe a tad oversensitive ? you were with your family - eg DH and DDs - she was with her family - her son - albeit not all of her family since you were not there too.

[pinkdoll]

It was her words that upset me - like I wasn't a part of her family anymore. Our relationship has always been very volitile.

[redtent]

sounds to me like she wasn't being nasty or implying anything but rather just phrased herself badly.

I think if you wanted to clarify that you could maybe in a gentle way ask her what she means by that?

my guess is that she will say something like ' we were both with special family and had a good time'

there is a chance she was being 'off' but tbh I would rise above it..... small comments and one offs are best left... unless she says things to follow up that implication iykwim.

HTH

[Twiglett]

what's your ethnic background .. in some cultures the girl becomes part of the husband's family .. is that true of yours

in a purely westernised judeo-christian world she's probably not trying to hurt you but maybe clumsily making a point that you didn't invite her for christmas but brother did .. by differentiating she's making the comment that she's happy (which she probably isn't) and you have no need to feel sorry for her / like you've won by not inviting her .. because she's happy with status quo

either of those make any sense?

[pinkdoll]

There is lots more that gone on behind the scenes other than this, but this comment was just a comment too far!
She definitely seems to favour him & his children over me & my family. His family live 90 miles away, whereas I live only one mile from her. It seems that she still sees more of them than she does my family.

[pinkdoll]

I'm just a British citizen.My family mean alot to me including extended, unfortunately its not returned!

[redtent]

oh hugs to you- there are definately favourites in DH side of the family and that makes our lives hard at times but we have moved on as we don;t want to get bitter.

also we wanted relationship with siblings to be good yk? even if parents tried to play us against each other.

Bug hugs... sounds upsetting indeed

[Pinkchampagne]

Don't think you are being over sensitive at all, PD, I would have also felt hurt. Families can be a nightmare at times!

[Pages]

I don't think you are being oversensitive either - it is the sort of thing I could imagine my mum saying to hurt me because I had had a good time without her. If there is history there it is almost certainly part of a deeper issue, which it sounds like it is. Feel for you, though. Is she jealous of your relationship with your MIL?