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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Do you know if you're having bad sex?

550 replies

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 14:52

Odd conversation with someone the other day... if all you've ever had is bad sex or sex with one person - do you know its bad? Or do you only realise when you get the good stuff?

OP posts:

Report

Tortington · 30/12/2006 14:53

is this another version of 'if a tree falls in a forest with noone to hear it...'

erm.

i suppose one knows when one is having a good time?

Glitterygookwithchocsonthetree · 30/12/2006 14:53

woudln't you know it's bad cos you dont enjoy it? dunno

Twiglett · 30/12/2006 14:54

atm I wouldn't care as long as it was quick [grin[

foxinsocks · 30/12/2006 14:55

I think you do only know it was bad when you get the good stuff.

Unless you are exceptionally good at errr sorting yourself out, then you'd probably have some idea that bad sex wasn't quite pressing the right buttons.

JoolsToo · 30/12/2006 14:58

if you didn't know what an orgasm was or how to achieve it then you wouldn't know what you were missing but could still enjoy yourself - but if yer toes ain't curling ......

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 14:58

lol twig

I was thinking that you surely know if its not good... but then if you think its meant to be like that...?

OP posts:

TheHockeyandtheIvy · 30/12/2006 16:01

well I've only been with one man cos we got together so young and he's now my dh. I know it's good because it's even better than it is when I sort myself out! It always works for me. If it didn't end in the Big O then for me it wouldn't be worth it.

Having said that my best friend has never had an orgasm and doesnt like sex, but she's never sorted herself out either so doesn't know what is going on! She's pretty miserable about it all - as is her husband who only found out after the marriage that she has never had an orgasm and feels totally redundant. She knows she isn't getting good sex because she hates it and always has, but also knows the issue lies with her and not the men she has slept with.

juicychops · 30/12/2006 16:23

I was with my ex for 3 years and before him i had only had a couple of drunk one night stands. Sex with my ex i thought was ok. It never lasted more than a couple of minutes which i thought was normal for a man.

I have now been with my dp a year and the sex is mind blowing!! it is so fantastic which makes me realise with my ex it was total crap!
my dp know everything i like and don't like and has taken the time to find these things out himself. It is never boring and we sometimes have all night sessions where we try everything weird and wonderful.

mousiemousie · 30/12/2006 16:57

If you have a partner who is good in bed then you will want to have sex even when you are really tired, that is the test I would say. And when you do it will give you more energy (but dp will probably become more tired !

NOELallie · 30/12/2006 18:42

Blimey mousie - he'd have to be a miracle worker for me to want it when I'm really tired! And these days I'm really tired most of the time. However if we measure the quality of sex by the number of orgasms I must be having some pretty good stuff. Still would rather sleep most of the time. Some women are never satisfied are they...

PeachysaysBlwyddynNewyddDda · 30/12/2006 19:06

there's a level of sex which is obv crap, and a whole world of mediocre sex. Then there's great, and The Best. How you can tell the difference between the top 3 if you have limited experience I am not sure, indeed I am glad to have married a virgin just in case I am crap in bed - how would he know? LOL

Seriously my Mum always told me to get some experience so I would know who was right for me sexually, and she was bang on tey my Dh is very proud of having waited. Its all about what's right fro you I guess, and as longa s you enjoy it. If you don't enjoy then there's the issue really.

PeachysaysBlwyddynNewyddDda · 30/12/2006 19:07

(Noelalie I am so glad I don't have to face you over a rainbows meeting after convo's ike this LOL )

FioFio · 30/12/2006 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 19:12

I like the top 3 comparison issue. As a general rule if I am tired, then I'm not easily persuadable... but that is more down to the non-sleeping child. When we do finally get round to it there is normally the "why don't we do this more often?" discussion

(I'm one of the only one person camp, which is how the conv arose... I am of the opinion that I am perfectly happy, and she wanted to know if I just happy with bad or happy with good and if I would know )

OP posts:

turquoise · 30/12/2006 19:17

I agree you know when it's rubbish, but you can only know it's average to fairly good when you've had bloody amazing (that's a very satisfied grin by the way).

foxinsocks · 30/12/2006 19:19

oh I see....I guess if you've only ever had one partner, you'd have to go with whether it floats your boat

if you've had more than one (or even several ) you can then get into comparisons

lazyanna · 30/12/2006 22:18

Please don't tell me you would choose a partner because of sex?

CaptainFlameSparrow · 30/12/2006 22:20

Yes, on the same lines as I would consider compatible personality etc... sex is important.

lazyanna · 30/12/2006 22:22

But in 5 years you won't be having sex anymore.

Crystaltips · 30/12/2006 22:23

Well /..... I'm not getting an at the moment .... is that good ot bad ???

CaptainFlameSparrow · 30/12/2006 22:26

What kind of relationship are you in?? I'm not planning to stop sex for a good long time!

twinsetandpearls · 30/12/2006 22:31

I can remember thinking that the sex with my first boyfriend was amazing , I then met my husband and realsied that the first boyfriend had a tamapx penis and was very unimaginative. But beacuse I had never had good sex I didn't know.

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twinsetandpearls · 30/12/2006 22:33

I can remember early on in our relationship thinking after a diasatrous date that perhaps dp wasn;t the man for me, we then had sex and I reasised he must be mine for life.

CaptainFlameSparrow · 30/12/2006 22:35

Hmmm... that and morning sex... liking the sound of Twinset's DH

suzycreamcheese · 30/12/2006 22:37

good sex makes me want more straightaway on the double boy...had bad sex /good sex with same person depends on state of mind imo..plan to have sex for always dont understand this no sex stuff..have had feast and had famine but dp best by very long you-know-what! and is lover too and have always very much liked sex and feeling sexy..

Flip

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