*another MIL rant* they forgot ds bday

[fireflyxmasfairylights2]

That's about the gist of it. Actually I know Xmas is a busy time, & it is dd's near xmas too. But they remembered hers! His was yesterday & they didn't visit. They live about 30 steps away. They had been out in the morning, then we went out & their car wasn't there, so assumed they had gone shopping & we would see them later. When we came home their car wasn't home but it was only 4.30 so assumed they would still be up later to see ds.

I ended up calling MIL at 6.45 for a whole other reason, I mentioned we had been out shopping & she said they had been also & I didn't mention Ds's b'day until the end of the phonecall, I said "Oh I was talking to today, she called to wish ds a happy day" she said "Oh that was nice, talk soon, Byee"

I stood there looking at the phone.... shocked to the core. Now, I know they had given ds his gift before Xmas, but for me it wasn't about the gift...

Then today FIL came in to the house, he looked at ds & said "We forgot all about it being your birthday yesterday" I was clean mad... I actually said "What? You only have 1 grandson, how could you forget??" They also only have 1 grandaughter (dd) and didn't forget hers. He said there was that much to remember what with it being Xmas and everything... I had to leave the room.

We have had issues in the past where they have made a huge difference in the kids, and I have tried working with them as I took responsibility for half the problems before... but it seems to me that everytime I think we are getting somewhere they fuck up!!

I am unsure what to say to MIL when I next see her, I don't want an argument but I also want them to know that my mum has 17 grandkids & didn't forget about ds

[tissy]

How old are the children?

Is ds really upset that grandparents didn't visit on his birthday? My dd wouldn't be bothered, tbh, as long as she got her present.

I think you are being rather unreasonable to say that they "fucked up". It is not a major misdemeanour, is it? I think you are applying YOUR standards, and expecting them to live to them. If it really means so much, you could have phoned, and said you were going shopping, and would they like to come over and wish ds a happy birthday later. That way, they know they are welcome, when you are going to be in, and if they have forgotten, it gives them time to organise themselves to come over. You are being rather selfish in assuming they have nothing better to do, IMO

[SantasPersonalClown]

Welcome to the afterthought birthday!! Mine was yesterday too and half my family still forgot and I turned 28!!
Everyone will remember before Christmas but afterwards is forgotten till about the second week of January.
The only thing I can suggest is to keep dropping hints or bluntly mention it everytime you see them or they mention Christmas. It worked for me this year and I've had a lot of practice!!

[fireflyxmasfairylights2]

They are always welcome. I always invite them here. They were here for dd's bday in xmas eve. she is 5. ds is 2. And they had told me on boxing day they would be up to visit us, I had bought her fave wine as I thought they were coming.

It's so hard for me to explain it... they totally forgot... he is their only grandson.. they make such a fuss.. telling people they babysit all the time when they don't. They use us as an excuse every time they want to avoid something.

And yes, in my eyes, it is a major misdemeanour. I am sorry, his dad is their only son too...they only have 2 grandchildren. The fact they missed his birthday just made it worse that when it was last xmas they got dd more, and on her bday they visited and she got lots of stuff (but as I said before, the gifts don't matter to me) they live a short walk away... Dh had a row with them in the summer as MIL was telling people lies about the kids, that they were at school etc..when they weren't...she had made stuff up about them as she never bothered her ass coming to see them.. even though I made an effort, It took a lot of guts for me to walk into the womans house after she had told people I deliberately put the kids to bed at 7.30 when she was still at work and she couldn;t see them.

I know this is only one side of the story, & there's a lot more, but please don't think I am selfish... I am far from it.

[fireflyxmasfairylights2]

Happy belated birthday SPC I'll be 28 in January.

I don't think I will mention it again though, I don't want bad feelings between us again, we are only getting over what happened in the Summer & I had tried to forget the things they have said and did about ds, I guess I have to accept that dd as their first grandchild will always be their favourite.

[Elasticwoman]

I would be much more upset about the lies being told than by their failing to come round and see ds on his birthday.

It sounds as though being grandparents is not as important to them as you think it should be, and as it is for your parents. In the end, you can't change their feelings. Just think of it as their loss, and lower your expectations. Yes it would be nice if they were more enthusiastic, but at least they gave a present; at least fil apologised for forgetting to come round.

At 2 years old ds is too young to care much whether they come or not, but in future you can take steps to ensure he is not disappointed by their inattention, by not building up his hopes.