Nothing really happened but it's over...

[SnotfacedPuffyEyed]

I found an ever so lovely fella OLD... My first serious relationship since splitting with my ex a couple of years back. Things were a bit stormy at times, in so much as he hated ANY form of conflict, even without shouting, swearing or major disagreement my dear little lovely seemed to struggle whenever things weren't, well, perfect! We had a fantastic thing 90% of the time, until he went into mid thirties job, life, relationship, leaving the country(!), future.... meltdown. I think technically I ended it; by telling him all this uncertainty about his feelings for me, his life, the future, wasn't really fair on me. But after 7 months of primarily loveliness, 2 hours of us both in floods of tears, and now 2 weeks post break up of intermittent polite "I'm so confused" texts - I'm left feeling with a broken heart. Only went and fell in love didn't I! Fool.

[Iconfuseus]

I'm sorry to hear this has happened. Break ups are horrible. Big hugs.

I hope their are happier things for you around the corner.

[LittleBlueMouse]

Are you really certain there is no going back from here? Are you sure its all over and done? Although he seems confused and uncommitted. I think the avoidance of conflict at all costs is a tactic to keep women in their place sometimes. Of course we all want things to be perfect but when someone always avoids the difficult questions, the bigger issues and the bumps in the road it can be a sign that they are only superficially interested. There is no real investment and they are in love with the idea of being in love, or have a tendency to want something only when its perfect and on their terms only.

I have just ended a very similar 8 month fling. My hearts broken too, so you have my sympathy. It gets easier with time, apparently.

[somedayillbesaturdaynite]

i think it's happening with me too and surprisingly similar issues with avoiding conflict at all costs and i am starting to see through LBM's post just how it's possible this is to get things on his terms so to speak.

[JeniJones]

Am I right in understanding that you had only been together seven months?

[JeniJones]

It sounds like he is unsure of his feelings for you and doesn't feel enough to want to continue this relationship any further. If he was in love with you and wanted you, you would know it and not be going through all this emotional turmoil. You could try no communication with him and leave him to see if he misses you enough to turn things around. If he doesn't then you have your answer.
It's either that or I think he may have met someone else.

[SnotfacedPuffyEyed]

Littleblue I don't know - thank you - I met his family, lots if BBQs and Sunday lunches with them... His Nan was a big fan! His previous relationships ended when the decision to commit in one way or another came about as far as I can tell. He was warm, kind, affectionate and frankly the physical stuff was A-MAZING! Lots of historical family stuff gas left him really fearful if conflict I think.

Someday I hope you work it out. I guess they're all different but all the same...?!

Thanks for the honest appraisal Jeni, yep it's been 7 months. I'd thought through all those things. I don't know - I didn't get the impression there was someone else from things he said when we were both sobbing mid break up chat. We've text back and forth a little since but I'm under no illusions that if he wanted me enough, we'd be together. I think he felt with the job, money, wider family worries he has at the moment he just couldn't cope with the whole lot.

In the end I told him that wasn't fair on me and hence ended it. Still miss him horribly though.

[JeniJones]

Of course you miss him. From what you just said he seems to either not wanting to actually settle down (commit) with anyone yet or he hasn't found the right one . Maybe just see what happens over the coming weeks. If he wasn't sure about his feelings for you, time and distance (no contact) will definitely help with that.