A lack of give and take

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

I feel a bit silly for getting so worked up about this...

For context:

1. I've been working towards a really tricky financial exam and have been studying for almost a year. My company contributed towards the fees so there was a lot riding on it.
   
   
2. Recently it transpired that my friend's boyfriend had been in contact with his ex (when he said he hadn't been), so Friend and I have been meeting up very regularly. She decided last weekend to give him the benefit of the doubt / another chance.
   
   A few days after they 'made up', and the night before my exam, Friend texted to ask when I would be free to meet up again. I didn't reply as I was studying and had my phone switched off so I could focus. When I turned it back on a few hours later she had texted a second time saying "...Or just a phonecall?" and a grumpy emoticon. I said sorry, I had my exam tomorrow, and was trying to do last minute studying, hoped she was ok etc. She replied to say sorry, she hadn't realised it was tomorrow, and would speak to me 'whenever I could'.
   
   Andddd I haven't heard from her since. The exam was last Wednesday, and she has gone from our usual getting in touch regularly with general chit chat, to what feels almost like a pointed effort not to contact me or ask how the exam went. I got my results on the day, which she knew would be happening, so it's not as though she could be waiting for results to come back or anything.
   
   I've been happy to be there when she needed me recently, it's part and parcel of friendship, but I'm upset that this apparently doesn't work both ways.
   
   I feel like this reads like some sort of teenage friendship angst, but we are in our late twenties fgs! I don't know how I could go about telling her how I felt without sounding demanding, so I'm trying to forget about it but for some reason it's really bothering me.
   
   Am I being a complete sap?

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Oh I should also say that Friend and her boyfriend seem to have made amends - A coupley photo has been uploaded to FB just this morning.

[magoria]

You wren't there for her so you are of no use to her.

She may deign to contact you when she feels she has punished you enough or wants something from you again.

Has this happened before? Do you feel the friendship has always been one sided?

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Thanks for the reply magoria. It does feel a bit like that. She can be quite self-centred at times. For example, we met up a few days after I got back from my honeymoon and she didn't ask whether I'd had a nice time or anything - Just talked about her new job for the whole three hours of dinner. Literally

[Letitbee]

You area useful resource to her not a friend

[Iconfuseus]

I'm sure she is a perfectly nice person, but she isn't a very good friend to you at the moment and she seems to see you only in terms of the attention you can give her.

Do you think you could bring it up with her next time she does it? She might react positively and try to make changes or she might go nuclear and take it all out on you.

You can't really stay friends if you are sitting there stewing with anger every time you meet up because it's not healthy for you.

[Meerka]

Umm why not text her back saying "hi, exam over, how are you doing?" It just doesn't seem a big deal at all to me. You were busy, she specifically left it to you to contact her which was fair enough cause tricky exams are a big thing, you haven't. She might be wondering why not and feel hurt. Just as you're feeling hurt.

Get in touch, smooth this over and forget it .... unless there is a big pattern of this happening. So far she sounds a bit self-centred, pretty dozy not to ask how your honeymoon was! but not mean in any way. If she's regularly uncaring about your life, then well, she's not really the friend you want her to be. But as it is, this sounds like a storm in a teacup I'm afraid.

[Fudgeface123]

She's loved up again, she doesn't need you to offload on...until it goes tits up again with her and her fella.

If she cared about you, she would have asked how your exam went.

I personally wouldn't chase her, leave her to it

[Quitelikely]

I think she's downright rude. It's a shame as you obviously value her but friendship is a two way street and you passing an exam which is vital to your career and therefore future outweighs, IMO any ridiculous bf/gf spat.

Don't go back for more of the same. If you do, try super hard to talk about yourself constantly just so she gets a taste of her own medicine!

[TiffanyAtBreakfast]

Thanks everyone. It's true that she sort of left it to me to get back in touch, but why should I have to? I guess my feelings are biased in one direction, as I know if it were reversed I'd want to ask the friend how it went even if it was just in passing.

The things people are saying about her not needing me for something anymore are ringing quite true. Last time we met up I left feeling lik I must be a very boring person, because whenever I talked about my life (buying a house, DH has new job) she looked bored to tears.

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

"we met up a few days after I got back from my honeymoon and she didn't ask whether I'd had a nice time or anything - Just talked about her new job for the whole three hours of dinner"

"Last time we met up I left feeling like I must be a very boring person, because whenever I talked about my life (buying a house, DH has new job) she looked bored to tears"

The foregoing tells you everything you need to know about this woman. This alleged friendship is patently a one-way street. No decent friend would behave so rudely and self-centredly. You are just her audience. She can't even be bothered to feign an interest in anything to do with you, not even your honeymoon!