Quick back story - left abusive H last year, just got decree nisi through, he has 3 DDs 3 nights a week.
I asked him at beginning of summer to change contact arrangement as I felt there was a lot of to-ing and fro-ing for the children and the handover period was always a stressful time for them. Current set up is mon and Tuesday night with him and alternate Friday one week and Saturday the next. I suggested that he have them Tuesday night only (he has Wednesday off to look after them) and then full alternate weekends, providing them with more continuity with each of us. He totally refused and after much arguing we agreed to keep the week days the same and change the weekends to fri and sat alternate weekends, he refused to have them on Sunday nights at all. He then asked me to wait until summer was over as he had made plans. I agreed.
So I messaged him on Sunday saying we are to start this weekend, was totally flexible about it, saying he could pick to go with a full weekend or one not but that next weekend I would keep them and we could go from there. At first he said he thought he would have more notice, I said he had all summer, he them said he didn't want to change and didn't want to argue. I said there's no arguing needed, we discussed it and compromised before, it's now going ahead. He the said I don't want to drag the girls through this just because you want to change, you can be their parents now. I thought he would be late to collect them last mug to prove a point, but he just didn't turn up. My oldest (7) sent him a msg asking if they were sleeping at his and he sent back no sorry. He then sent one saying we were arguing and that he didn't want to change arrangements and that he loves them.
All 3 have been up in the night, I'm devastated that I can't protect them from feeling abandoned by him, I don't know what to do!
I think it's about continuing to control me, I should be at work today and tomorrow while he has them so he thinks if he doesn't have them it will make me change my mind. My mum has agreed to have my 2 older and littlie can go to nursery.
I don't know what to do next. My gut instinct is to not let him have them until he can agree a proper arrangement with me where he cannot just not turn up. However long that takes...
Any advice or suggestions gratefully received, thanks.
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STBXH not turned up for contact - how should I handle this?
11 replies
Soapy81 · 02/09/2014 07:00
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