Some 'starting again at 30-something' success stories would really help me just now

[whattodonext2014]

Feeling really lost. Moved a long way from my family and friends to be with exDP. Six months in and it's over. I have a fab job so I will stay here but am 32 and the thought of finding a new relationship and building up a group of friends is terrifying. I'm not a natural extrovert but willing to push outside of my comfort zone if I just knew how. If any of you have been in a similar situation or are in one now and would like to share your experience or offer advice I would be very grateful.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm not sure mine is a success story but I'll give it a go. :) Age 30 and having recently moved to an expensive location with the then DH of six years, 200 miles from family, I was unceremoniously dumped for an OW. Aside from the emotional pain, I was left with high debts (run up by him) & a big mortgage and my job, although pretty well-paid, didn't cover the costs. So I was very hard up and loneliness meant I got a lot of things horribly wrong but some of the things I did which helped were....

• Taking in a lodger to help pay bills.
• Picking up any opportunities at work to do extra projects, volunteering for overseas travel, and anything that meant I didn't have to go home. This had a bonus knock-on effect that I was rapidly promoted & my salary doubled inside two years
• Joined various social activities and groups - in my case music-related which is something I've always loved. That's brought me quiet a lot of new friends.

I've had various boyfriends since and I also managed to have a baby but I've not gone back in for 'a relationship' as such.

Good luck with your journey

[DaniAlvez]

Me, aged 32, married to first boyfriend. Dumped for OW. I went on a blind date set up by a friend from work. No big expectations but he was really nice! Dated long distance for a year and then I left my hometown to move in with him. Hated it for a year, missed my friends and family and found my new job hard and stressful. Stuck it out and now married with 2 small children and about to buy our first home together. I'm 42 and feel like I have my whole life ahead of me. Really excited about the future and can't believe how good things are compared to the life I would have had, stuck in my hometown with my loser ex-H You'll be grand...have faith!

[DaniAlvez]

Sorry, meant to add. Keep in touch with old friends and have them up to visit A LOT! My friends loved coming up to see me. It gave them a break away from home and we had a blast going to new places together. You will make new friends but your old ones will help you feel less alone for the time being. Also, I joined a running club just to get me out of the house once a week. My now-DH was already living here so had his social circle set up but I had to be brave and put myself out there. It's tough at first but gets easier.

[Stupidhead]

30 is nothing! I met my total and absolute soulmate at 43! And this after insisting I would NEVER live with anyone again let alone get married (we're getting married next year ).

I made friends at work and through evening classes and meetup groups (I was also new to the area). One meetup group I belong to is for local bands/gigs with at least 2 meets a week. Great fun although I don't have as much time for them as I used to. You're just starting x

[212smj]

Here is mine...... Dumped by fiancé for (I later discovered) an OW. Was 35 years old! I was devastated that my life was over, I'd never have a child etc! Truly I felt heart broken. 4 months later I was throwing myself into a social life, seeing work friends I wouldn't normally socialise with and accidentally met the man of my dreams! Now I'm happier than I ever thought imaginable, have a lovely 4 month old baby and I can't believe I was ever worried about starting over.

Oh, and ex fiancé couldn't be more miserable by all accounts!! Not that it matters of course, but sometimes the irony makes me grin..... A little!

Good luck! You'll be fine!

[KouignAmann]

I'm a lot older than you but in my fifties I started again after leaving a miserable marriage four years ago. I have moved to a new town where I have bought an amazing house with my DP who I met online. We are getting married next year and I am making a lot of new friends.
You make you own happiness at any age. Be open and positive and life will be good for you!

[Mummytobe81]

With exdh 8 years but only married four months when I found he'd had an affair, visited prostitutes and had fraudulently run up £20k of debt in my names.... Fast forward 4 years of heartache and emotional turmoil and I've got a new DP and an sat with my 8 week old in my arms. Long hard journey but am there! Xx

[kaykayblue]

I had a friend who was with her partner for years - maybe four or five years, and they seemed to have a really happy relationship (from outside at least). One day when she was 32 or so, with no catalyst whatsoever, her boyfriend walked out of the flat and dumped her.

She was utterly devastated. She might have even had some sort of minor breakdown. She lost a TON of weight (and was never overweight to begin with). But after a few months, she started to join a few clubs, purely to take her mind off of things and to try and meet new people. It took a little while, but her personality almost completely changed. She just seemed so much happier and more confident, even though she admitted she still felt awful and like she would never find someone else.

I think after a year or so she started casually seeing one of the people she had met in her sports club, but she was wary about it at first, since I think she still had feelings for her ex.

Anyway, they got married recently and I have never seen her happier. She is still much more independent than she was with her ex as well.

She is such a lovely person, and I am really glad it worked out for her.

[thebaelishmockingbird]

I was 6 weeks past my 30th birthday when my fiancé walked out on me and our nearly 4yr old. I was devastated, I had just finally started to have some self confidence and was comfortable in my own skin and he pulled the rug right out, telling me he had not loved me since I was pregnant and that I was a horror, basically that the second half of our relationship was a lie. It turned out there was actually another woman and she didn't even last two months with him.
I lost my house and moved twice in six months and then had to scrabble furiously to get my daughter in to school by my parents. At the same time my mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's (aged 57) and I was only on a 4hr contract at work so was always terrified that I wouldn't get the overtime to keep us ticking. Fuck it was a hard year.
However slowly things picked up, my dedication at work got me a promotion , my daughter thrived in the last minute school, living at home meant I could help my mum and through it all I watched my ex fall apart as he had fuck all clue how to manage on his own.
Then my friend convinced me to join plenty of fish just to give myself a couple of dates and get back on the horse. I was on there for 10 days when a guy messaged me who had been on there for three years with no luck, we got chatting a LOT! And now we are getting married in January. He is funny and smart and sweet, loves my daughter unconditionally and has supported me this year in starting my own business. We have a house and a cat and now we are very amicable with my ex and his girlfriend. I would never have dreamed this..
.at my lowest point ( this will out me ) I was sat on my best friends couch a few weeks after our split totally miserably hammered swigging martini straight from the bottle sobbing and smoking (I don't smoke) watching William and Kate get married screaming obscenities at the TV! Then it was hell but now we howl with laughter at me slagging her dress and weeping ' he will leave you too bitch' at Kate about it . Just keeping going until you feel you can fake happiness helps and then all of a sudden it's not faking. I know now I am still young and that the best is still ahead of me and it is for you too.

[however]

And then there's plenty of us who were perfectly happy, and actively sought the single life until our early 30s and didn't even think of settling down. I married at 35 and had had 3 kids not long after that.

[kaykayblue]

Are you feeling any better OP? I know that you must be feeling really pessimistic right now, but has this helped?

[whattodonext2014]

Sorry, I tried to reply to this last night but my phone failed me. Thank you all so much for your positive stories - I know my situation is much better than some people who post on these boards and I feel silly for moping! You have all made me feel much better and stronger.

[Stupidhead]

We're all allowed to have a steaming cup of feel sorry for me every now and again! It IS daunting but look at us all! You'll do it and be happier and wonder why you ever wrote this!

[steppemum]

I met dh when I was 30. Wasn't planning to settle down till I met him. Married at 32, went off to live overseas, had 3 kids, came back to UK, I am now 47.

I would still up sticks and do something new, I am only stuck here for a bit for schooling.

30 is young, there is still lots of life to be lived!

[kaykayblue]

There's nothing at all wrong with a little moping sometimes. Life isn't a competition to see who is "allowed" to be feeling sad or not :)

I'm glad that you're feeling a bit more positive. Sometimes as you said, it's just good to hear that other people have been through the same thing and come through it.

[pippinleaf]

My partner of seven years announced he didn't love me anymore. We had a house together and I'd moved to a new county to be with him. It was awful beyond words. I quit my job and moved to another county where I had more friends. I then, at 32 years old, felt very desperate that I needed to meet a new man or I'd never have kids.

I did internet dating and met someone I really liked. We were together four years and we were literally exchanging on a house when he told me he wanted to come clean and that bed been sleeping with someone else for two of those four years we'd been together.

So, at 37, I found myself single again and really convinced that although I might meet someone else one day, I'd never have children as it was simply too late to build up a new relationship etc. anyway, I did meet someone else and a year later we are married an expecting a little girl.

I honestly would have sworn that it would never happen for me. I watched all my friends get married, celebrated their pregnancies etc. while always being the one everyone felt sorry for. It was horrible.

So, there IS definitely time to start again - go girl!

[coffeeslave]

Met my boyfriend aged 34 (had never cohabited or been married before). We were looking at buying a house together after 18 months. Finally moved in together last year when I was 36.

I used to feel shitty because I was single & living alone when friends of mine had been married for 10+ years. But I'm SO SO GLAD I waited. When I think of some of the losers I dated in my 20s.... shudder

[WanttogotoDisney]

Series of disasterous relationships in my 20s and early 30s. Met my now DH at work when I was 33 and he was 52. We moved in together after a year later, got engaged 6 months after that and then married 6 months later when I was 35. We had DTs when I was 37.

You never know what's round the corner so don't give up hope.

[MrsCaptainReynolds]

Divorced with no kids at 28. Several shit relationships 28-31. Met DH at 32. Infertility issues then several housemoves later -DH and I still very happy living 1 year in entirely new area for both of us, we have a 3 year old DS, DC2 due in a few weeks. Life is good. When you know what you want and you meet the right person, find the right place, life moves fast. My life definitely began at 32 :-)

[Singlebengalimum]

32, single mum to a 7 year old, my husband left whilst I was pregnant with her. He ran off with all my savings, so there was me pregnant, about to move into a house that needed decorating and stuck doing it all on my own. It's nice to read all the positive stories on here it gives me hope! :-)

[VelvetB]

I got divorced at 30, after my husband had an affair and left me and our 3 year old DS to be with the OW. I spent the next 2 1/2 years having lots of fun, internet dating etc. I've now re-met a lovely guy (he was a friend of a friend who I'd never looked twice at before but had known for a while). I now wonder why I'd never realised he's as lovely as he is and couldn't be happier. He also gets on great with my now 6 1/2 DS (who has SEN, and can be hard work love him). My thirties have been much more enjoyable than my twenties and I can honestly say that I'm glad ExH buggered off otherwise I wouldn't be where I am now.

[zigazigah01]

Any other positive thoughts ladies? I'm in a similar situation (36) and finding this week hard. I've been single 2 years and been on lots of dates but not really met anyone I wanted to see for more than a few dates. Or if I do, they don't feel the same.
I'm feeling hard done by this week as a good friend also split from her long term partner at the start of the year. I tried to be supportive as I know what it's like. With weeks she was having a whirlwind romance. That has recently fallen apart and within a couple of weeks she has someone else on the go again. I know jealousy is not a very nice emotion, but I just feel really bitter about the whole thing. There's a whole back story with the friend that I won't go into. So there some other issues too, but I just don't like feeling like this. I feel like it's my turn, godammit. Except, oh yeah, it's still not my turn.
Should mention otherwise life is good. Just no romance :(

[velouria]

Thats very sad ziga, I'm sure your time will come . I'm in a similar situation op, got with exdp when I was 20, had 3 kids, at 33 left him and moved back to my home town.

I do feel very much adrift and like I kind of had arrested development, have started online dating which is very scary as my self esteem is in tatters. I seem to hit it off with certain people so I think my personality is sound, it's just the physical meeting I'm terrified of.

I havent found happiness yet so I'm not the success story you are after, but I already feel much more positive about the future, and that elusive thing jope, which I had totally lost in the last few years. Hope all of our stories turn out well .

[velouria]

Hope even, not sure bout jope lol

[Minime85]

Hi. My husband of ten years and someone I'd known since I was 14 told me he didn't love me anymore when I was 36 last year. I was just about to start a new full time job after 7 years working part time.

Since then I'm in the process of moving the house into my own name, decree nisi on its way, I'm bloody good at my job and highly valued there, I've made new friends, kept up with old ones, joined dating sites and been on dates. I'm seeing a lovely man I met on one of them. Hoping he is a keeper.

I've got my confidence and self esteem back. I know I'm a good person a good catch and good mum to two dds.

I don't think it's too late to start again get yourself out there and good luck