H and I have both retired recently. We have been married 40 years. Throughout most of that time he has been verbally, emotionally and occasionally physically abusive (shoving, hitting once, threatening etc).
My children are grown and do not live with us. After our last child left the abuse quietened down and I was working while he was not. I know he knew the balance had shifted in my favour and he was more careful and backed off from much if the abuse. I actually though we might find some type of happiness!
Over time though the abuse restarted slowly and escalated when I retired. He now has regular verbal outbursts over nothing but knows if he ever touches me again I will call the police and go for a restraining order and divorce.
Frankly the ranting is just boring for me and I don't give a damn. I don't like him or care about him and I don't hate him. He is just nothing to me. My eyes were opened a couple of years ago by an incident and I found a therapist and books and saw how abusive and manipulative he was and as a result can see through all the lies and manipulation so it just has no affect any more.
He started ranting this morning about my leaving the dishwasher open and I told him it was because, as the only person in the house doing any housework and I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher while I was having my breakfast and multiple cups of tea (!) I could do what I want and he could either walk round it of shut it if he wanted. In the middle of this rant he hit my arm (not hurting me at all) but sending my precious tea all over the kitchen with splashes on the ceiling! He semi cleaned it up himself but I did the rest.
He didn't apologise (never does as it's all my fault anyway !) and expected me to call the police which I didn't as I wasn't hurt, intimidated or scared. Just contemptuous of him. It did make me think he was maybe starting to ramp it up again as he gets nowhere with me anymore and minimal reaction.
We have a son with mild autism who lives alone and functions in society but needs a lot of support from both of us, especially practical things like his car and managing his money. He will never be able to manage alone and may need care in the future but basically won't get 'better'. My daughter has a physically disabled child who needs a lot of my time and money to support her. Mainly my time. I can't go back to work because my job was very physical and my time is taken up with my GS.
I love my house and garden and don't want to leave it. If I decide to divorce I will be financially much worse off and may lose the security of a home of my own. I would probably be able to buy a small house but it will take all my savings too. My H would most likely move back to Scotland where his family are and would not be here to help my son. He would also probably cut my daughter and GS out of his will (threatened this) so my GS may never live independently. I would struggle financially and the additional stress of dealing with my son and grandson would be very hard for me to cope with as I have arthritis. I can't walk away from either so that is not up for discussion, sorry.
If he divorces me I will cope. I don't need another man in my life. I just need a plan to live with someone I loathe at the moment but usually am totally indifferent to. Has anyone else been in this situation? I would love never to see him as long as I live but my children are still keeping me tied to this man.
War and peace, sorry again.
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I want to stay in my home even though H is abusive.
53 replies
Antoniabegonia · 31/08/2014 21:41
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