About 18 months ago I went NC with my sister because she did something that really upset me, and after several attempts to talk to her and her completely ignoring me, I realised she didn't really care. And then I stopped caring too.
Our mother has always blatantly favoured my sister (though strongly denied it when challenged). Both of us have disabilities but mine never gets mentioned, while mother bangs on about sister's health all the time. They've always had a good relationship. Me and mother: not so much. I was frequently neglected as a child, and abandoned by her, left to be brought up by someone else. She scared me as she was strict and very outspoken. I still saw her 2 or 3 times a year and loved it because I missed her very much. I know that sounds odd, but I was a kid and she was my mum.
She came to live nearby a few years ago and I see her frequently now. But after the novelty of her being near wore off, I realised how emotionally abusive she was. She also lies, manipulates people and is rude and offensive. It was like a veil had been lifted. I went through a period of grieving for the mum I'd always wanted but never had and it was a painful time. I confronted her about some things, but she turned them back on to me, made them my fault.
I had counselling and ADs which were both massively helpful. Eventually I started being able to see her as 'someone I know' rather than 'my mum' and was able to cope better with her visits and sometimes even had a laugh with her.
Last week we had a falling-out. She passed me an envelope containing a birthday card, from my sister. I jokingly asked if it had an apology in it and she went mad. For the first time in my life, I shouted her down and told her some home truths, flung the unopened envelope down then I stormed out and went home. I was absolutely shaking with rage, but later on I felt very calm, like "we're done, that's it".
She sent me a text asking if we can talk when she gets back from a few days away (pre-planned trip, nothing to do with our falling out) and I don't know how to respond.
What I want is to never speak to her or see her again. But do I put that in a text and send it? I thought about saying "It's become apparent that I have some deep issues with you and I need to keep my distance for a while".
Does that sound OK, or do you have some better responses or words of advice?
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Relationships
Help me word a text to toxic mother please (long)
Buckmusted · 27/08/2014 14:23
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