Do you & your DP go to bed at the same time? A grip needed here!

[BlueberryMuffins76]

Just that really, do you and your DP go to bed at the same time? Or does one of you go and the other follow later? For the most part, my DP and I go to bed together, after watching a bit of tv or something. Lately (we've been together less than a year) there's been a couple of nights where I've been shattered, and he hasn't - I've fallen asleep on the sofa and then have come up to bed whilst he's stayed down and watched a film or whatever. This in theory is fine - however, I'm really struggling with it for some reason. I'm prone to bad anxiety over the most random things, and this seems to have really triggered it. Like now, he's downstairs - I know he might fall asleep on the sofa and that's fine, at 4am I'll wake up thinking he did it on purpose to avoid being in bed with me. I don't know why I'm finding this such a big deal, when it's fine isn't it? Surely lots of couples go to bed at different times? Like I said, a grip needed here!

[tazzle22]

We go to bed mostly at different times... but then again been married for 37 years so maybe not much help. ! There prob are occasions in every relationship when one person does try to avoid intimacy... not just sex... by not going to bed sometine. Can be for liads reasons.Sone not linked tonosrtner at all. However it could just he just wants watch a programme but sleep catches up on him. It does seem to be a man thing this easily falling asleep in chars and on sofas. !!!

[Friedbrain]

we very rarely go to bed at the same time.

Normally me first, half the week we sleep in different rooms,
Normally because one of us is snoring and annoying rhe other

[redtiger1079]

haha.

How nice to read something like this. I'm a bit particular about this - I like for us to go to bed at the same time. It's just more intimate and part of a life being lived together rather than alongside each other.

(though when I used to work really late I'd sometimes prefer to stay up working because it meant I could unleash the inner night owl)

[LiberalLibertines]

We rarely go to bed at the same time.

I relish time on my own, so normally stay up later.

As long as you still feel emotionally close, and are intimate and affectionate I wouldn't worry about it.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

We rarely go to bed at the same time as three nights a week I dont get in from work til after he is asleep. Three other nights im so tired im usually in bed for half eight so whats that, one night a week we go at the same time?

Neither of us fall asleep on the couch ever though.

[PurpleWithRed]

Only go together if we have bedroom activities in mind. Otherwise we just go when we feel like it.

[Shahsham]

Nope never. When we lived apart I used to go at 10pm (unless out) and DH around 1-2 am. When we moved in together We compromised with midnight but I couldnt cope so went earlier.

Before we had DC we had a tv in our bedroom and would go to bed at the same time and Id sleep and DH watch tv. This went out the window when I was pregnant and going to bed dead early and we've never got back into the habit of going to bed at the same time. I need more sleep than DH.

However DH does sometimes fall asleep on the sofa which I do find oddly irritating. Usually he's woken by me going to the loo and drags himself to bed.

[SecretWitch]

Almost never. My dh works emergency services, third shift. He sleeps during the day and works nights. The nights he is off, he rarely comes to bed before I am asleep. I cannot sleep if the room is not pitch dark and silent and, well, he is noisey.

[LosingAllTheLego]

Nope, never!

I'm a night owl and need far less sleep so I'll tend to go to bed around 1am during the week and be up for 6am. He sleeps from about 10pm and gets up at 8am.

Surely it's better for me to stay downstairs enjoying my space than to lie awake in bed for 3hrs listening to him breathe?? And he's very annoying at night - think Darth Vader with a bit of snoring and random muttering thrown in, and his core temperature must be 5 times that of the sun.

I usually sleep in the spare room during the week for these reasons! As long as intimacy isn't lacking in general then I don't see it as a problem.

[eurochick]

Almost never. I like to wind down in bed with some mindless TV or a book. He sleeps as soon as he is under the covers. He usually stays up later and comes to bed once I am asleep. It works for us b

[LoveBeingInTheSun]

Never

[ThePrisonerOfAzkaban]

I'm the same, I like to go bed with my partner. I couldn't have it any other way, plus it kicks of my anxiety too, more in the ghosts are going to get me way. But I'm much better going to bed at the same time.

Plus it's the main time we have sex! But we take a cup of tea up to bed and natter about the day, so I miss that of it too.

[Cantbelievethisishappening]

Very very rarely. I usually go before him unless it's a weekend and I may state up late to watch something.

[IHeartLockhart]

We used to go at the same time for a few years but once the honeymoon phase was over and I got pregnant it stopped. I do remember feeling the same anxieties you're feeling though, but then I think I must have just got used to it and learnt to enjoy it.

Once a week or so he will come up with me and watch a film on his phone while I snooze next to him

[Bakeoffcakes]

We usually go to bed together. We like a little chat in bed before we go to sleep.

[Benedictinemonk]

Varies. Mostly we'll go up together, but sometimes one of us is enjoying something on TV which doesn't appeal to the other, so the other may go up early and read, or listen to the radio, until the TV programme is finished and the other comes up. Usually then there's a cuddle and a quiet chat (at least), but sometimes the 'early to bed' one has dropped off before the other arrives.

Occasionally one of us may be very tired, while the other is still wide awake, and go early for that reason, and the other will creep up quietly later so as not to disturb (and possibly slip into the spare room out of consideration).

Together 15 years and both of us understand that while we're on the same wavelength most of the time, we are individuals with different needs sometimes.

[daisychain01]

We are creatures of habit and head off to bed at the same time, normally DP tits around getting glasses of water and turning out lights. Then we nip in to DS to say goodnight before hopping into bed with my iPad at the ready for a quick peak at MN

blueberry its probably best to talk about it if it becomes a frequent occurrence for your DP to always stay down watching tv when you both used to go to bed together. I'm surprised you say its ok for him to fall asleep on the couch until 4am, if it isn't how he used to be. Id be wanting to know why, but that's just me.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

We rarely do, partly because I naturally want to go to sleep earlier, partly because he snores and I like the chance to get off to sleep first. I do think it can have a bit of a negative impact on closeness if you aren't careful, I have got into the habit of going up really early (10ish) and watching telly up there instead of sitting downstairs watching with DH (we like different programmes), but we do take care to still have chats in the evening and DH does come up early sometimes. I'm the sort of person who likes being on their own quite a lot though.

[YeGodsAndLittleFishes]

Our early years of marriage were much like BenedictineMonk's. These days we go to bed in different countries most week days. Usually still have a bit of a hangout/skype chat before bed. I generally want an earlier night than DH and the time zone adjusts things nicely.

[NCISaddict]

We go to bed at different times depending on who has to get up early. If I have to get up at 4.00am I want to go to bed by 9.00pm at the latest and can hardly expect DH to follow suit.
Last night he went to bed at 9.30 and I followed at 10.30 as I don't have to get up early. Also I wanted to watch The secret life of dogs and he didn't. He sometimes stays up watching horror films with the DS's and I can't stand them so decamp to bed with a book.

[LadyLuck81]

It depends. Some nights we do and some we don't. If one of us particularly fancies company the other joins them either at the TV or in bed so we can hang out, but often one or the other has stuff to do that's difficult while the toddler is awake.

[karatekimmi]

Almost never. DH works some evenings but when we are both home I almost always go to earlier. We almost never get up together, but I often go back to bed when he gets up. less so now we have a DS

[googoodolly]

Almost never - I have to get up for work at 5am whereas he works lates so it's normally a case of he gets home, we eat/chat for half an hour and I pass out by 10pm! He normally heads to bed by half 11 but sometimes he'll come up earlier if he fancies sex, haha.

[2rebecca]

Nearly always at the same time.
I love snuggling up to him before going to bed. I'd feel like flat mates if we didn't do this and just shared chores.

[BravePotato]

My DH likes to go to bed at the same time
.

He also likes to be in bed by 9:30

This does not work for me as I only start to unwind around 9

It has led to sadness on his part/arguments but it is how it is.